Dating Market Rant

[tdarg]

First post, but hopefully will start to cook up some more. I feel like the dating market nowadays is so fucking cooked. I know this isn't some niche topic or a hot take, but holy fuck, it's bad. I don't think that's solely due to girls makeup frauding and having unrealistic standards for their ideal partner, but also due to the value people, and particularly men, place on sexual gratification and sexual success. Yes, girls can overestimate their own desirability, and along with that comes the mutual flattery of telling their friends that they're beautiful and therefore deserve a 6ft+ "Chad", but I think this is also reinforced by the way men value getting with women. I am currently 17 and have never had a girlfriend, let alone my first kiss, and yes, it bothers me, but not simply because I want the experience itself. A large part of it is because of the social value that we attach to it. Men who "slay" are often respected or even worshipped by other men, regardless of whether the women they get with are particularly attractive. I'm sure most guys regularly talk about their sexual or romantic accomplishments with their mates, which gives men who have more success greater value and presence among other men and, potentially, women. This makes me wonder whether part of the solution is for male culture to simply place less value on getting with women. Obviously, I'm not saying men should stop finding women attractive or stop pursuing relationships, but rather that we could stop treating sexual success as a kind of social currency. If getting with women carried little or no status among other men, would men still compete over it to the same extent? And if men collectively placed less value on female attention and sexual validation, would that reduce some of the pressure and competition that contributes to hypergamy. In a weird way, sexual success almost functions like a form of currency. It gives you status, validation and, to some extent, perceived masculinity. So perhaps part of the problem is that men themselves have created a market in which female attention is extremely valuable. This could obviously just be cope for my own inability to get with girls and social awkwardness, and I'm self-aware enough to recognise that, but I do genuinely think there is something to the idea that if men stopped treating getting with women as such a significant achievement, it could change some of the dynamics of the dating market. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I feel like there's an interesting argument here.

 

[2s2f]

cool first post

 

[tdarg]

cool first post

thank you mayne appreciate it

 

[2s2f]

thank you mayne appreciate it

rep people you talk to

 

[mortis]

Dnr , sub chad ramblings.

 

[mortis]

rep people you talk to

He means rape them hard, @2s2f loves being raped.

 

[2s2f]

He means rape them hard, @2s2f loves being raped.

No, I have not said that

 

[minty]

First post, but hopefully will start to cook up some more. I feel like the dating market nowadays is so fucking cooked. I know this isn't some niche topic or a hot take, but holy fuck, it's bad. I don't think that's solely due to girls makeup frauding and having unrealistic standards for their ideal partner, but also due to the value people, and particularly men, place on sexual gratification and sexual success. Yes, girls can overestimate their own desirability, and along with that comes the mutual flattery of telling their friends that they're beautiful and therefore deserve a 6ft+ "Chad", but I think this is also reinforced by the way men value getting with women. I am currently 17 and have never had a girlfriend, let alone my first kiss, and yes, it bothers me, but not simply because I want the experience itself. A large part of it is because of the social value that we attach to it. Men who "slay" are often respected or even worshipped by other men, regardless of whether the women they get with are particularly attractive. I'm sure most guys regularly talk about their sexual or romantic accomplishments with their mates, which gives men who have more success greater value and presence among other men and, potentially, women. This makes me wonder whether part of the solution is for male culture to simply place less value on getting with women. Obviously, I'm not saying men should stop finding women attractive or stop pursuing relationships, but rather that we could stop treating sexual success as a kind of social currency. If getting with women carried little or no status among other men, would men still compete over it to the same extent? And if men collectively placed less value on female attention and sexual validation, would that reduce some of the pressure and competition that contributes to hypergamy. In a weird way, sexual success almost functions like a form of currency. It gives you status, validation and, to some extent, perceived masculinity. So perhaps part of the problem is that men themselves have created a market in which female attention is extremely valuable. This could obviously just be cope for my own inability to get with girls and social awkwardness, and I'm self-aware enough to recognise that, but I do genuinely think there is something to the idea that if men stopped treating getting with women as such a significant achievement, it could change some of the dynamics of the dating market. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I feel like there's an interesting argument here.

Dating and sexual success is currency, always has been and always should be. The success you have with girls translates to you being more attractive, attractiveness is health, healthiness is subconsciously favoured in society when meeting people. It's just the way our brains are hardwired, in the past you wouldn't want to be friends/partners with anyone who is a detriment to your safety by being unhealthy.

It's definitely an interesting argument, and I agree it's annoying at times, but the social market is a completely free economy, and everything that you consider wrong with it is therefore a result of thousands of years of evolution. If sexual success were not a social currency, what else would be? It would probably be worse. If I were you I'd be grateful that society is the way it is simply because we've existed for so long, and rather than try to spark a change, accept the way it is and try to optimise yourself around it. That's literally what this forum is about after all.

Would rep but I'm on a cooldown somehow, good first post

 

[TimmyAshan1]

I mean, it is somewhat biologically imprinted in men to value sexual encounters with the opposite sex.

The only real reason why humans act like this is because we have the language and methods to express this, but this sort of 'status chasing hypergamy' also exists in animals.
Technically, the only real things a guy cares about is "how many resources do I have?", which used to be access to food, territory and women within their tribe. Now it's mostly been replaced with status (IG followers, clout, or just recognition) and money/assets, but the value of girls/sex has never been reduced at all.

The funny thing is that this dynamic also kind of exists in gay communities as well; I have a gay friend that consistantly talks about how many other men he's having sex with.

 

[tdarg]

I mean, it is somewhat biologically imprinted in men to value sexual encounters with the opposite sex.

The only real reason why humans act like this is because we have the language and methods to express this, but this sort of 'status chasing hypergamy' also exists in animals.
Technically, the only real things a guy cares about is "how many resources do I have?", which used to be access to food, territory and women within their tribe. Now it's mostly been replaced with status (IG followers, clout, or just recognition) and money/assets, but the value of girls/sex has never been reduced at all.

The funny thing is that this dynamic also kind of exists in gay communities as well; I have a gay friend that consistantly talks about how many other men he's having sex with.

Yeah, I totally agree with it being biologically encoded since birth but what's encoded is the drive for sex rather than the social status placed on it, which has come with telling your mates about your success. We've now turned what primitively was a natural desire into a social currency, which is placed among things such as followers and status. Appreciate the insight, though and feel free to keep the debate going

 

[tdarg]

Dating and sexual success is currency, always has been and always should be. The success you have with girls translates to you being more attractive, attractiveness is health, healthiness is subconsciously favoured in society when meeting people. It's just the way our brains are hardwired, in the past you wouldn't want to be friends/partners with anyone who is a detriment to your safety by being unhealthy.

It's definitely an interesting argument, and I agree it's annoying at times, but the social market is a completely free economy, and everything that you consider wrong with it is therefore a result of thousands of years of evolution. If sexual success were not a social currency, what else would be? It would probably be worse. If I were you I'd be grateful that society is the way it is simply because we've existed for so long, and rather than try to spark a change, accept the way it is and try to optimise yourself around it. That's literally what this forum is about after all.

Would rep but I'm on a cooldown somehow, good first post

Thanks man and yeah, I agree that the status that comes with having sex is rooted in our society and not something you can just switch off, but my point is more about the extent to which we measure the sexual success of someone to their worth. The biological drive is inevitable; however, the social hierarchy isn't. I do agree that without it acting as a currency, then it probably would get replaced with something else!

 

[tdarg]

Also any recommendations for my next discussion please just comment