Emerq
ascend and forget
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2025
- Posts
- 261
- Reputation
- 287
dnr i know
I might regret this rant but I feel really suicidal I'm not seeing a bright future ahead and I just need to get it off me
I don't wish it upon anybody, emotions shut off completely when in a huge crowded city like Manhattan NYC metro trains or Chicago and have no idea where to go, people start staring at you like you crawled out of earth and your heart is beating out of your chest as if its going to explode
I could have something spiking my hand and making me bleed but I wouldn't move if it meant initiating social interaction with someone that could lead to a negative outcome, that's how bad it is
It's so over I went to this e-bike shop to get an e-bike for the first time and I waited like 4 hours there sitting not saying that much after they said " yeah just wait " and then I had the courage to ask again after being patient and then I got it instantly so I was waiting for no reason and they forgot about my existence
if I was just a little more attractive I wouldn't get treated like this
I feel so lost and judged by millions of people, in school when we get in groups I always end up alone no matter how well I dress, no matter if my bodyfat is the lowest there, no matter if im jacked, if i play hockey, nothing matters with the face that I have (I like how I look but people hate it and see me completely differently)
i've just been so overstimulated and i dissasociated feeling like im outside of my own body and my emotions shut off completely, sometimes I should be extremely anxious but my emotions go completely numb and I don't feel anything anymore
There's so much trauma and pain inside of me that no matter how kind I am people will always judge me
I'm so tired I feel like im going to pass out right now, my forehead and the back of my head burns I feel barbed wires in my throat and I can feel my heart hurt straight from my chest
maybe if I fixed my facial flaws then I'd know what its like to be loved for once
I might regret this rant but I feel really suicidal I'm not seeing a bright future ahead and I just need to get it off me
I don't wish it upon anybody, emotions shut off completely when in a huge crowded city like Manhattan NYC metro trains or Chicago and have no idea where to go, people start staring at you like you crawled out of earth and your heart is beating out of your chest as if its going to explode
I could have something spiking my hand and making me bleed but I wouldn't move if it meant initiating social interaction with someone that could lead to a negative outcome, that's how bad it is
It's so over I went to this e-bike shop to get an e-bike for the first time and I waited like 4 hours there sitting not saying that much after they said " yeah just wait " and then I had the courage to ask again after being patient and then I got it instantly so I was waiting for no reason and they forgot about my existence
if I was just a little more attractive I wouldn't get treated like this
I feel so lost and judged by millions of people, in school when we get in groups I always end up alone no matter how well I dress, no matter if my bodyfat is the lowest there, no matter if im jacked, if i play hockey, nothing matters with the face that I have (I like how I look but people hate it and see me completely differently)
i've just been so overstimulated and i dissasociated feeling like im outside of my own body and my emotions shut off completely, sometimes I should be extremely anxious but my emotions go completely numb and I don't feel anything anymore
There's so much trauma and pain inside of me that no matter how kind I am people will always judge me
I'm so tired I feel like im going to pass out right now, my forehead and the back of my head burns I feel barbed wires in my throat and I can feel my heart hurt straight from my chest
maybe if I fixed my facial flaws then I'd know what its like to be loved for once
