Deep in my Heart, I've always hated @SnowyWeather

[Deleted member 318558]

Thread song:



Every day, every hour, every second, I waste energy, thoughts, and time deciding who I should be. Every interaction I have is through a manufactured personality. My humor, kindness, naivety, and caring are all just decided beforehand. Because of this, in almost every second of my life, I don't care. Hearing people's happiness, sorrow, distress, or anything of the sort don't affect me. I just recognize what I SHOULD do and do it.

I've been doing this for so long now, I don't even know who I really am anymore.
I don't know who I like, what I like to do, if I'm outspoken or shy, if I'm funny or closed off.

Of all the personas I put on to impress people, the one I truly hate the most is @SnowyWeather . It's been my character in every game platform, social media, or online space I've ever been in. @SnowyWeather isn't funny, @SnowyWeather isn't interesting, and @SnowyWeather isn't kind either. But he wants to be so bad. Begging for attention with jokes, hate, satire, and using the energy from that attention to go wish for more.

I'm tired of being someone I know I'm not, but the problem is:
If I take away all my performative characters, there's nothing left.

There's no "true me" that can shine through. There's no weight to be relieved off my shoulders by doing that, I'm just removing my shoulders with the weight.

But I'm tired. I just wish I could be someone else.
Not whoever I've amalgamated myself into for the conversation at hand.

I disgust myself.

But then again, there isn't much to be disgusted.

 

[futureschizo]

deep

 

[Deleted member 328836]

Go fuck girls, stop it man.

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Go fuck girls, stop it man.

this isn't about them

 

[futureschizo]

this isn't about them

we dont need foids they're all evil

 

[xzylecrey]

I was listening to esdeekid while reading. This is very deep, i relate on a lesser level tho

 

[Deleted member 328836]

Now that I actually read it, sorry for responding the way I did. I get you.

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Now that I actually read it, sorry for responding the way I did. I get you.

It's okay

 

[futureschizo]

I was listening to esdeekid while reading. This is very deep, i relate on a lesser level tho

esdeekid

some of his songs are fire tho icl but the fanbase is so garbage especially on tiktok

 

[kevbsa]

Thread song:



Every day, every hour, every second, I waste energy, thoughts, and time deciding who I should be. Every interaction I have is through a manufactured personality. My humor, kindness, naivety, and caring are all just decided beforehand. Because of this, in almost every second of my life, I don't care. Hearing people's happiness, sorrow, distress, or anything of the sort don't affect me. I just recognize what I SHOULD do and do it.

I've been doing this for so long now, I don't even know who I really am anymore.
I don't know who I like, what I like to do, if I'm outspoken or shy, if I'm funny or closed off.

Of all the personas I put on to impress people, the one I truly hate the most is @SnowyWeather . It's been my character in every game platform, social media, or online space I've ever been in. @SnowyWeather isn't funny, @SnowyWeather isn't interesting, and @SnowyWeather isn't kind either. But he wants to be so bad. Begging for attention with jokes, hate, satire, and using the energy from that attention to go wish for more.

I'm tired of being someone I know I'm not, but the problem is:
If I take away all my performative characters, there's nothing left.

There's no "true me" that can shine through. There's no weight to be relieved off my shoulders by doing that, I'm just removing my shoulders with the weight.

But I'm tired. I just wish I could be someone else.
Not whoever I've amalgamated myself into for the conversation at hand.

I disgust myself.

But then again, there isn't much to be disgusted.

did this shit, and constructed an ideal self for my discord online friends, i can relate how much it sucks to be so close, yet so far.

 

[Deleted member 328836]

Do you think you might be on the spectrum?
That would explain the masks, getting lost in said masks and having trouble relating to others.

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Do you think you might be on the spectrum?
That would explain the masks, getting lost in said masks and having trouble relating to others.

I don't know, I've never looked into it. Don't really know what autism actually does anyway

 

[Deleted member 328836]

I don't know, I've never looked into it. Don't really know what autism actually does anyway

There are good books on it, I think I am on the spectrum, cause almost all the experiences the author (who's autistic) talked about matched my own.

 

[grav]

I don't know, I've never looked into it. Don't really know what autism actually does anyway

We gotta get tested son

 

[Deleted member 328836]

It's basically a different set of perks and debuffs for life. A different character build.

 

[grav]

Thread song:



Every day, every hour, every second, I waste energy, thoughts, and time deciding who I should be. Every interaction I have is through a manufactured personality. My humor, kindness, naivety, and caring are all just decided beforehand. Because of this, in almost every second of my life, I don't care. Hearing people's happiness, sorrow, distress, or anything of the sort don't affect me. I just recognize what I SHOULD do and do it.

I've been doing this for so long now, I don't even know who I really am anymore.
I don't know who I like, what I like to do, if I'm outspoken or shy, if I'm funny or closed off.

Of all the personas I put on to impress people, the one I truly hate the most is @SnowyWeather . It's been my character in every game platform, social media, or online space I've ever been in. @SnowyWeather isn't funny, @SnowyWeather isn't interesting, and @SnowyWeather isn't kind either. But he wants to be so bad. Begging for attention with jokes, hate, satire, and using the energy from that attention to go wish for more.

I'm tired of being someone I know I'm not, but the problem is:
If I take away all my performative characters, there's nothing left.

There's no "true me" that can shine through. There's no weight to be relieved off my shoulders by doing that, I'm just removing my shoulders with the weight.

But I'm tired. I just wish I could be someone else.
Not whoever I've amalgamated myself into for the conversation at hand.

I disgust myself.

But then again, there isn't much to be disgusted.

Mirin effort, songs a lil ass but we ball

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Mirin effort, songs a lil ass but we ball

you don't fw the song??

 

[Deleted member 318558]

It's basically a different set of perks and debuffs for life. A different character build.

What are the perks of autism?

 

[Deleted member 328836]

What are the perks of autism?

You can hyperfocus on something and research/execute on it if you're interested in it.

 

[grav]

you don't fw the song??

Any duster song would've sufficed. Tell me this wouldnt be better:

 

[Deleted member 328836]

Also you tend to see through the social charades and rituals.

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Any duster song would've sufficed. Tell me this wouldnt be better:

nah

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Also you tend to see through the social charades and rituals.

I didn't know that

 

[grav]

you don't fw the song??

I wouldnt listen to deftones though, I like louder songs and deftones probly dont got that. Its also not worth being seen as a poser because to me rep is all that matters.

 

[Deleted member 328836]

I didn't know that

That's both good and bad, cause that means that you can't fit in and don't understand it.

 

[grav]

nah

Ok nickgar

 

[grav]

Gts btw its late

 

[grav]

you don't fw the song??

What do you listen to

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Gts btw its late

only 11:50, i don't have school tmrw

 

[Deleted member 318558]

What do you listen to

alex g, Ivri, tv girl, this is one of the only deaftones songs I listen to

 

[grav]

only 11:50, i don't have school tmrw

It doesnt matter as long as our growth plates are still open

 

[grav]

alex g, Ivri, tv girl, this is one of the only deaftones songs I listen to

Damn niggar

 

[Deleted member 318558]

It doesnt matter as long as our growth plates are still open

if I sleep from 1-9 then I'm still getting 8 hrs, plus this is when all my friends are on org

 

[Deleted member 318558]

Gts btw its late

 

[grav]

if I sleep from 1-9 then I'm still getting 8 hrs, plus this is when all my friends are on org

John circadian rhythm did not die for this

 

[Deleted member 328836]

John circadian rhythm did not die for this

I couldn't fall asleep and now it's 7:53AM

 

[Deleted member 318558]

John circadian rhythm did not die for this

circadian rythm only applies to me on school nights

 

[grav]

circadian rythm only applies to me on school nights

When does your school start? Mines at 7 but theyre gonna push it to 8

 

[Deleted member 318558]

When does your school start? Mines at 7 but theyre gonna push it to 8

I need to wake up at 6:20, school starts at 8, bus comes 7:25

school at 7 is genuinely insane

 

[grav]

I need to wake up at 6:20, school starts at 8, bus comes 7:25

school at 7 is genuinely insane

Can't wait till when they push the start time to 8 I gotta gts though like a little spinning cog in a machine