GaelChud83
Iron
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2026
- Posts
- 25
- Reputation
- 33
For a while now my mental health has been declining. Over the past year I'd say I've been getting more blackpilled and have found very few things to look forward to in my life or my future. Over the past month or so however, these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy that make me hate myself, the anxiety I feel about my future, and the ever growing realization that the people around me are evil, genuinely despise me, and don't want me around wrecks my brain and has been for a while. However, last night was one of the worst nights for me. I think I might have had a panic attack.
I started off the night playing golf which is something that I relatively enjoy (or used to at least). During my round I decided to text this girl I've liked asking her out. I knew this was a long shot so I already prepared myself for a rejection. Then, all the sudden my chest started to tighten and it became hard to breathe. My stomach also twisted into a knot and I became extremely nauseous. I could hardly stand. I got a hold of myself pretty quick but that same feeling stuck with me for the rest of the night. This came after earlier in the day where I sat in my room thinking about my life and how horrible the people around me treat me (especially the women). They go out of their way to embarrass me, they never invite or include me in anything, they make me think that its safe to lower my guard around them then I open up and they literally don't care one bit about what I have to say. They leave and go back to treating me terribly.
Side note: This foid has been DNRing me for weeks now, like who the fuck do you think you are, I don't like you foid I've been asking you questions about school work yet you think that you're so much better than me that I don't even deserve a response from you? Are you serious? Might make a whole different post about her since there's so much to talk about.
I feel betrayed constantly and am made to feel as if I'm quite literally unloveable. More than that I feel utterly alone and afraid. I've never been in a relationship before. I don't think a woman has legitimately ever loved me once in my life and I feel like I've missed out on my life so far and I feel awful, sick even. This makes me afraid. I'm about to go to college although I've never had a girlfriend, I've never been to a party, I've never done anything all the people my age are supposed to do. All I've done is sit in my room, go do my after school activities like sports and music, played golf and rotted in my room doomscrolling, lurking on forums, buying research chems off the internet, and so on.
I just wish people could see how badly I'm suffering. Then again, I know if they actually saw how bad things are for me they wouldn't care one bit, they'd probably even take more proactive measures in making my life miserable. I wish they could just treat me like a human and not like I'm a monster. It's not okay to constantly insult me, attack me, and act as if my feelings don't matter. It hurts me so much. I get your point, you've won, I hate myself, you can stop now. I'm loosing my joy in the things I've loved to do. I'm sad playing golf, I'm sad when I sing, I'm sad when I go to mass, I'm even starting to loose joy in my religion. I understand now that that is what they've wanted all along. Well, congratulations to them, they've got everything now and what a terrible mess I've made of my life.
I'm afraid all the time. I'm afraid things will stay the same when I move away, the only difference being I'll have no safety net. I just hope that isn't the case, but then again I'm loosing my hope too.
Tá mé tuirseach.
I started off the night playing golf which is something that I relatively enjoy (or used to at least). During my round I decided to text this girl I've liked asking her out. I knew this was a long shot so I already prepared myself for a rejection. Then, all the sudden my chest started to tighten and it became hard to breathe. My stomach also twisted into a knot and I became extremely nauseous. I could hardly stand. I got a hold of myself pretty quick but that same feeling stuck with me for the rest of the night. This came after earlier in the day where I sat in my room thinking about my life and how horrible the people around me treat me (especially the women). They go out of their way to embarrass me, they never invite or include me in anything, they make me think that its safe to lower my guard around them then I open up and they literally don't care one bit about what I have to say. They leave and go back to treating me terribly.
Side note: This foid has been DNRing me for weeks now, like who the fuck do you think you are, I don't like you foid I've been asking you questions about school work yet you think that you're so much better than me that I don't even deserve a response from you? Are you serious? Might make a whole different post about her since there's so much to talk about.
I feel betrayed constantly and am made to feel as if I'm quite literally unloveable. More than that I feel utterly alone and afraid. I've never been in a relationship before. I don't think a woman has legitimately ever loved me once in my life and I feel like I've missed out on my life so far and I feel awful, sick even. This makes me afraid. I'm about to go to college although I've never had a girlfriend, I've never been to a party, I've never done anything all the people my age are supposed to do. All I've done is sit in my room, go do my after school activities like sports and music, played golf and rotted in my room doomscrolling, lurking on forums, buying research chems off the internet, and so on.
I just wish people could see how badly I'm suffering. Then again, I know if they actually saw how bad things are for me they wouldn't care one bit, they'd probably even take more proactive measures in making my life miserable. I wish they could just treat me like a human and not like I'm a monster. It's not okay to constantly insult me, attack me, and act as if my feelings don't matter. It hurts me so much. I get your point, you've won, I hate myself, you can stop now. I'm loosing my joy in the things I've loved to do. I'm sad playing golf, I'm sad when I sing, I'm sad when I go to mass, I'm even starting to loose joy in my religion. I understand now that that is what they've wanted all along. Well, congratulations to them, they've got everything now and what a terrible mess I've made of my life.
I'm afraid all the time. I'm afraid things will stay the same when I move away, the only difference being I'll have no safety net. I just hope that isn't the case, but then again I'm loosing my hope too.
Tá mé tuirseach.
