Endure
Improving
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2026
- Posts
- 54
- Reputation
- 35
NOTE: Post respectable and helpful comments, comments that are rude (without a reason and illogical) will be deleted.
My life is a fucking hellhole, every day I wake up hoping I don't wake up the next day, every step feels like a chore, i think about the past, the friends, the fun, the sheer abundance of literally everything you would ever want and need in life, now it's reduced to nothing. No pc, no games, no proper social connection for 4+ years and when I did engage in some social connection ,in school, I was bullied. Made fun of my looks, overweight, teachers would specifically treat me bad, I was always silent, never talking to anyone, i was extremely different, even when i was young, at the age of 6 i questioned why i should obey everything the teacher says, why I should study, why can't I rest in home and play videogames all day? Why can't I play with the swing all day? Why am I supposed to do this then homework at my house, the place where i am meant to rest and maintain myself, why should I do it? One time i questioned her. The bitch teacher, she straight up told me "Do you know more than me?! Im a teacher! You're a child! Don't argue with me",(appeal to authority fallacy) I proceeded, to argue, i asked "but why teacher?" Simple words. She said nothing just grabbed my shoulder, took me straight to the principal, dad came, you know the rest, bunch of yapping, degrading me constantly, blah blah, how other kids follow, how other kids are so very kind and respectful to elders and study so well (i was, am, shit at school, studying, almost every subject,) there's no point in being a slave for these fucking retards, i remember being constantly reminded of me being fat when I was 7-10, constantly constantly, every day, and in 4-5th grade i had a crush on this girl but literally never approached her. One time teacher told her to sit with me and she made a expression, and oh my god, that expression was pure, utter, unfiltered disgust, like I'm nothing, like I'm inferior to her, and she said "EWWW" in a dramatic tone. I went home and cried, as a young kid i was pretty short, there was my "best friend" when i was 6-10 years old, I won't say his name, but he was one year older than me, taller, skinny regular build, and looked good, the same teacher made the same fucking girl I had a crush on to sit with my best friend. And she didn't make a expression, oh my god it felt like hydrogene peroxide mixed with chilli flakes poured on a wound on my fucking eyes. I was literally cucked. As a fucking 7 year old, since that day i didn't consider him a friend, he considered me as one, and there was 3-4 other kids too, i always tried to fit in, yk, be regular, but never managed to, i was always the different, odd one out, always the one with the flaws, the bad grades, bad looks, bad behaviour. And also as a child a teacher, she was pretty, very kind and polite, one day in a exam, i was doing bad. Didn't know shit, wrote just (Question no.1) that's it, i was so confused, the teacher saw it, her face got so disgusted and mad , she said loudly to me "what are you doing??" And proceeded to slap me. On the left cheek near the lower left ramus area (i remember the EXACT FUCKING AREA. That BITCH) and that hurt me even more, every time at school, bullied, picked on, felt cucked, felt inferior (I am), at home, screamed at , hit with a fucking wooden spatula that hurt like hell, beaten., eventually i developed a suicidal/self degrading mindset at late 8 years old, i used to slap myself hard in the face Because i felt like it wasnt enough, tried to attempt. (No one knows except me) With a jagged plastic ruler. (Failed) , my so called childhood friends also bullied me alot, the only thing was sleeping eat drink play games and rot for hours on end and realize there is no escape, always felt ignored.. now to this day i slap myself occasionally, hit myself, cut, because I'm not enough, I'm inferior, im pathetic and irrelevant, that's all for this rant, if you read it all god bless you, if you didn't read it all , it's ok.
My life is a fucking hellhole, every day I wake up hoping I don't wake up the next day, every step feels like a chore, i think about the past, the friends, the fun, the sheer abundance of literally everything you would ever want and need in life, now it's reduced to nothing. No pc, no games, no proper social connection for 4+ years and when I did engage in some social connection ,in school, I was bullied. Made fun of my looks, overweight, teachers would specifically treat me bad, I was always silent, never talking to anyone, i was extremely different, even when i was young, at the age of 6 i questioned why i should obey everything the teacher says, why I should study, why can't I rest in home and play videogames all day? Why can't I play with the swing all day? Why am I supposed to do this then homework at my house, the place where i am meant to rest and maintain myself, why should I do it? One time i questioned her. The bitch teacher, she straight up told me "Do you know more than me?! Im a teacher! You're a child! Don't argue with me",(appeal to authority fallacy) I proceeded, to argue, i asked "but why teacher?" Simple words. She said nothing just grabbed my shoulder, took me straight to the principal, dad came, you know the rest, bunch of yapping, degrading me constantly, blah blah, how other kids follow, how other kids are so very kind and respectful to elders and study so well (i was, am, shit at school, studying, almost every subject,) there's no point in being a slave for these fucking retards, i remember being constantly reminded of me being fat when I was 7-10, constantly constantly, every day, and in 4-5th grade i had a crush on this girl but literally never approached her. One time teacher told her to sit with me and she made a expression, and oh my god, that expression was pure, utter, unfiltered disgust, like I'm nothing, like I'm inferior to her, and she said "EWWW" in a dramatic tone. I went home and cried, as a young kid i was pretty short, there was my "best friend" when i was 6-10 years old, I won't say his name, but he was one year older than me, taller, skinny regular build, and looked good, the same teacher made the same fucking girl I had a crush on to sit with my best friend. And she didn't make a expression, oh my god it felt like hydrogene peroxide mixed with chilli flakes poured on a wound on my fucking eyes. I was literally cucked. As a fucking 7 year old, since that day i didn't consider him a friend, he considered me as one, and there was 3-4 other kids too, i always tried to fit in, yk, be regular, but never managed to, i was always the different, odd one out, always the one with the flaws, the bad grades, bad looks, bad behaviour. And also as a child a teacher, she was pretty, very kind and polite, one day in a exam, i was doing bad. Didn't know shit, wrote just (Question no.1) that's it, i was so confused, the teacher saw it, her face got so disgusted and mad , she said loudly to me "what are you doing??" And proceeded to slap me. On the left cheek near the lower left ramus area (i remember the EXACT FUCKING AREA. That BITCH) and that hurt me even more, every time at school, bullied, picked on, felt cucked, felt inferior (I am), at home, screamed at , hit with a fucking wooden spatula that hurt like hell, beaten., eventually i developed a suicidal/self degrading mindset at late 8 years old, i used to slap myself hard in the face Because i felt like it wasnt enough, tried to attempt. (No one knows except me) With a jagged plastic ruler. (Failed) , my so called childhood friends also bullied me alot, the only thing was sleeping eat drink play games and rot for hours on end and realize there is no escape, always felt ignored.. now to this day i slap myself occasionally, hit myself, cut, because I'm not enough, I'm inferior, im pathetic and irrelevant, that's all for this rant, if you read it all god bless you, if you didn't read it all , it's ok.
