iitsnik
Samuel Gray
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2023
- Posts
- 106
- Reputation
- 191
I am 5’4 at 20 years old, the only coping you can do is lifts, my height isn’t overlooked because I’m mtn on a good day. Life is brutal, all of my friends in real life have left me. A woman hasn’t looked my way literally ever.
I tried to take my own life multiple times in 2025, I also had two unintentional near death experiences and people would say I’m “lucky” to be alive but in reality I wish it would’ve just ended right there.
I make money, not enough to have my own place, so I still live with my parents. A few months ago I landed myself in the ER because I swallowed over 250 Benadryl (just to trip, this was one of the unintentional near death experiences.) and my parents found me seizing and then completely unresponsive.
I could have rode that shit out, I lied and said I only took 15 so they never pumped my stomach, they just hooked me up to an IV for the night.
The cops tore my room apart because my parents had called 911 and they took all my Benadryl and stimulants and dissociatives and drugs were the one thing that genuinely helped me.
I bought more Benadryl but now my parents regularly search my room and take my stuff and refuse to pay me back for it. I literally had caffeine pills and they took those as well, my room has been searched about thrice since the Benadryl incident.
Now my psychiatrist of 7 years knows about this and she suddenly decides I will go without medication. I’m diagnosed schizoaffective, I’ve been insanely paranoid and just don’t quite feel right at all, impulsively spending money, hallucinating, delusions, etc. its been a month unmedicated and I don’t feel right and I only want to self medicate more but can’t even do that because of my parents.
Last time my my parents found more Benadryl I explained to her what I’m explaining now and told her my entire life I’ve just been suicidal and depressed and I have things to be happy about but that I hate my life, and she told me she was sorry she brought me into this world.
This whole thing is making me even more depressed, I am a bum, all I do is go to the gym, jerk off, and work.
I tried to take my own life multiple times in 2025, I also had two unintentional near death experiences and people would say I’m “lucky” to be alive but in reality I wish it would’ve just ended right there.
I make money, not enough to have my own place, so I still live with my parents. A few months ago I landed myself in the ER because I swallowed over 250 Benadryl (just to trip, this was one of the unintentional near death experiences.) and my parents found me seizing and then completely unresponsive.
I could have rode that shit out, I lied and said I only took 15 so they never pumped my stomach, they just hooked me up to an IV for the night.
The cops tore my room apart because my parents had called 911 and they took all my Benadryl and stimulants and dissociatives and drugs were the one thing that genuinely helped me.
I bought more Benadryl but now my parents regularly search my room and take my stuff and refuse to pay me back for it. I literally had caffeine pills and they took those as well, my room has been searched about thrice since the Benadryl incident.
Now my psychiatrist of 7 years knows about this and she suddenly decides I will go without medication. I’m diagnosed schizoaffective, I’ve been insanely paranoid and just don’t quite feel right at all, impulsively spending money, hallucinating, delusions, etc. its been a month unmedicated and I don’t feel right and I only want to self medicate more but can’t even do that because of my parents.
Last time my my parents found more Benadryl I explained to her what I’m explaining now and told her my entire life I’ve just been suicidal and depressed and I have things to be happy about but that I hate my life, and she told me she was sorry she brought me into this world.
This whole thing is making me even more depressed, I am a bum, all I do is go to the gym, jerk off, and work.