Feeling of disgust after realizing people like me

[AscendantGalivanter]

I am 18 years old and throughout my entire life every girl that has ever liked me makes me feel disgusted, and i think its not because they are ugly.

I met this girl i have not seen in several years again, we used to go to the same school before i moved and i kinda liked her back then. The other day i see her working as a cashier in the supermarket that i go to and we say hi. Next day same thing happens but she smiles and laughs a lot and is really nice to me, something that i remember wasnt common at all when we went to school together. Sometimes with my peripheral hunter eye vision i catch her looking at me and i think she likes me. I also kinda started liking her because Im as lonely as an abused dog.

Today i go again and my suspicions are increasing. As my suspicions go up a new feeling arrives, the feeling of disgust. I would call it insecurity but this feeling has followed me my whole life, ever since 2nd grade, i even feel it with male friends. Whenever i sense that someone likes me i start feeling disgusted by them. I think i shut out like 10 people in my entire life so far because of this feeling, i literally just stopped talking to them and shut them out my life. I know its fucked up but i was a in elementary/middle school and to stupid to understand. Although i dont see anything else i could have done, i morally could not have pretended to like them, not even im that low.

Anyways i used to be somewhat “popular” but now im all alone. I used to be “good” (meaning i had friends, still a dud socially) with people but this habit pushes away all social interactions from me. Now i am extremely awkward and cant speak with people, so now this problem of feeling disgust creates another barrier that prevents me from meeting/talking to people. I literally have no friends lol. Problems really do overlap huh?

Back to this girl, i have kind of mixed feelings right now. She cute but im afraid ill start to feel disgusted again. I dont even know if she likes me for sure. I am afraid of her liking me just as much as i am afraid of her not liking me, isnt that fucked? Im pretty fucked up right?

I think it may come from a place of self hate or low self esteem, but ive been like this my entire life lol. i even have this feeling towards my mom, isnt that messed up? I am kinda scared lol, i don't want to be alone but what if its just inevitable for someone me?

Does anyone know whats wrong with me or can relate? Thanks for getting this far

 

[polo7]

i cant relate but i wish you the best bro

 

[Deleted member 259706]

I used to be like this when I was extremely fat, youve gotta learn to literally cut your brain off and simply do what you find enjoyable. I was at a house party 3 weeks ago talking to this girl she wasnt like stunning but had a nice body and I was fucked up. She wanted to blow me and I just kept thinking like oh is she good enough for me and just straight bullshit.I had to literally remind myself to shut the fuck up and do what would bring me enjoyment in this case it was getting my dick blown. And we had a great time and the head was awesome.

just go with the flow and let life happen, shit get drunk if you have too who cares

 

[spencer0524]

I am 18 years old and throughout my entire life every girl that has ever liked me makes me feel disgusted, and i think its not because they are ugly.

I met this girl i have not seen in several years again, we used to go to the same school before i moved and i kinda liked her back then. The other day i see her working as a cashier in the supermarket that i go to and we say hi. Next day same thing happens but she smiles and laughs a lot and is really nice to me, something that i remember wasnt common at all when we went to school together. Sometimes with my peripheral hunter eye vision i catch her looking at me and i think she likes me. I also kinda started liking her because Im as lonely as an abused dog.

Today i go again and my suspicions are increasing. As my suspicions go up a new feeling arrives, the feeling of disgust. I would call it insecurity but this feeling has followed me my whole life, ever since 2nd grade, i even feel it with male friends. Whenever i sense that someone likes me i start feeling disgusted by them. I think i shut out like 10 people in my entire life so far because of this feeling, i literally just stopped talking to them and shut them out my life. I know its fucked up but i was a in elementary/middle school and to stupid to understand. Although i dont see anything else i could have done, i morally could not have pretended to like them, not even im that low.

Anyways i used to be somewhat “popular” but now im all alone. I used to be “good” (meaning i had friends, still a dud socially) with people but this habit pushes away all social interactions from me. Now i am extremely awkward and cant speak with people, so now this problem of feeling disgust creates another barrier that prevents me from meeting/talking to people. I literally have no friends lol. Problems really do overlap huh?

Back to this girl, i have kind of mixed feelings right now. She cute but im afraid ill start to feel disgusted again. I dont even know if she likes me for sure. I am afraid of her liking me just as much as i am afraid of her not liking me, isnt that fucked? Im pretty fucked up right?

I think it may come from a place of self hate or low self esteem, but ive been like this my entire life lol. i even have this feeling towards my mom, isnt that messed up? I am kinda scared lol, i don't want to be alone but what if its just inevitable for someone me?

Does anyone know whats wrong with me or can relate? Thanks for getting this far

i can relate a bit, its prob a trauma from back then where u were ugly and didnt have friends at all and could not make them, now that you look better, u can make friends but mentally ur in the same place as before

 

[zxrqi]

I wouldn't call it "disgust" but rather your mind turning on a defense mechanism whenever it thinks you might be vulnerable (or might become vulnerable) to someone.

I've had similar experiences like you where I've cut off many people from my life due to this "feeling" of mine, which just lead me to having almost no one at all (except maybe 2-3 guys whom I talk to occasionally).

With that, I was also in a 2.5 year relationship which ended very weirdly, It was because of me not trusting my partner and again, my mind slowly cutting her off since I was getting too comfortable with her and thought she knew too much about me.

"this problem of feeling disgust creates another barrier that prevents me from meeting/talking to people"
yeah, this "feeling" just makes us think about the future and not trust or approach any other person since we don't want to experience any of the consequences.

I don't know what might be wrong but from my experiences I can relate to what you shared here.

 

[MOGGER4562]

i cant relate but i wish you the best bro

"Hatred for foids and myself"

 

[polo7]

"Hatred for foids and myself"

his point is he is disgusted by foids that like him, I am not

 

[AscendantGalivanter]

I used to be like this when I was extremely fat, youve gotta learn to literally cut your brain off and simply do what you find enjoyable. I was at a house party 3 weeks ago talking to this girl she wasnt like stunning but had a nice body and I was fucked up. She wanted to blow me and I just kept thinking like oh is she good enough for me and just straight bullshit.I had to literally remind myself to shut the fuck up and do what would bring me enjoyment in this case it was getting my dick blown. And we had a great time and the head was awesome.

just go with the flow and let life happen, shit get drunk if you have too who cares

What percentile of attractiveness are you? How did that even happened did she just straight up ask?

 

[Deleted member 259706]

What percentile of attractiveness are you? How did that even happened did she just straight up ask?

idk bro I used to be like 320 so I get where your coming from , im 5 11-6 foot(actually dont know) 210-215 decent build not lean by any means, decent looking dude. I knew her from work and we just had been talking all night, I poured up drinks for her and she wanted for me to drive her around but obv I was drunk and that was my Q to make a move. There was music on so we just started dancing and shit together to some rap music and then yea I walked downstairs with her and just started talking, I layed down on her lap and started talking to her complimenting her on her eyes and shit( I think i said her thighs are a nice pillow or smth idek) and yea literally just asked her if she wanted to something, I literally told her I really wanted to finger her then it went from there,("can I please you") <in exact words
Social interaction is 99% just letting go bro, I used to be so scared of saying smth and fucking up because of what I heard online but humans are human everyone just wants to have fun, online is so much diffrent from IRL,
You just need to say what you wanna say make a offensive joke say smth outlandish ppl like others with a little spice to them(just not if your ugly lol)
this Forum should just serve as a purpose to look better nothing more for you, its filled with weirdos but weirdos are typically smart and give good advice on looksmaxxing lmao.
find a group of people and just go out gain new experiences, you can plan life out but it will never go that way, life has no plan and all you can do is have fun.
Most importantly avoid sitting in your room, I sold my PC,Xbox, VR just to get out
Theres nothing but pharmaceuticals, testosterone vials and needles in my room therfor other than fucking,sleeping, or pinning I have no reason to be in my room.

 

[AscendantGalivanter]

idk bro I used to be like 320 so I get where your coming from , im 5 11-6 foot(actually dont know) 210-215 decent build not lean by any means, decent looking dude. I knew her from work and we just had been talking all night, I poured up drinks for her and she wanted for me to drive her around but obv I was drunk and that was my Q to make a move. There was music on so we just started dancing and shit together to some rap music and then yea I walked downstairs with her and just started talking, I layed down on her lap and started talking to her complimenting her on her eyes and shit( I think i said her thighs are a nice pillow or smth idek) and yea literally just asked her if she wanted to something, I literally told her I really wanted to finger her then it went from there,("can I please you") <in exact words
Social interaction is 99% just letting go bro, I used to be so scared of saying smth and fucking up because of what I heard online but humans are human everyone just wants to have fun, online is so much diffrent from IRL,
You just need to say what you wanna say make a offensive joke say smth outlandish ppl like others with a little spice to them(just not if your ugly lol)
this Forum should just serve as a purpose to look better nothing more for you, its filled with weirdos but weirdos are typically smart and give good advice on looksmaxxing lmao.
find a group of people and just go out gain new experiences, you can plan life out but it will never go that way, life has no plan and all you can do is have fun.
Most importantly avoid sitting in your room, I sold my PC,Xbox, VR just to get out
Theres nothing but pharmaceuticals, testosterone vials and needles in my room therfor other than fucking,sleeping, or pinning I have no reason to be in my room.

Thanks, that actually good advice. The hardest part is just letting go, part of me still thinks ill fuck it up lol.
Ill try to talk to this foid tomorrow
The best way to describe this feeling of disgust is looking at a toy dinosaur. One way to look at it is how its meant to be looked at, a toy dinosaur, and the other way is as some black petroleum plastic slop heated and cooled into the form of a dinosaur with green paint slathered on it. When i get this “feeling” i see people as the same way.
Was it like this for you too?
The only place where i can think this comes from is just extremely low self esteem, probably my dads fault since he always treated me as shit. It explains why ive had it since i was a kid. It seems theyve fucked me over once more, give kids the love you deserve huh.
Anyways thanks for your high effort response I appreciate it

 

[Deleted member 259706]

Thanks, that actually good advice. The hardest part is just letting go, part of me still thinks ill fuck it up lol.
Ill try to talk to this foid tomorrow
The best way to describe this feeling of disgust is looking at a toy dinosaur. One way to look at it is how its meant to be looked at, a toy dinosaur, and the other way is as some black petroleum plastic slop heated and cooled into the form of a dinosaur with green paint slathered on it. When i get this “feeling” i see people as the same way.
Was it like this for you too?
The only place where i can think this comes from is just extremely low self esteem, probably my dads fault since he always treated me as shit. It explains why ive had it since i was a kid. It seems theyve fucked me over once more, give kids the love you deserve huh.
Anyways thanks for your high effort response I appreciate it

Your analogy is pretty indicative of what I felt actually yes, your just gonna have to learn to love yourself brother and everyone.
I used to view women in a very weird light, as if they were somehow more innocent or somehow worse than me at birth and things like that.
People are just people ,we get assigned a gender and that determines if we want to fuck a pussy or suck a dick thats it, women are quite literallly just like men. I used to treat women that were friends or co workers diffrent because I viewed them diffrent.
I literally treat everyone the same way now same jokes, same bullshit, same banter even girls I fw heavy because thats just me im a super un serious guy and laugh at everything if they dont like that well then its just not gonna work out anyways, the best thing you can is treat everyone the exact same.
If they want to fw you and find you attractive they will make it evident, if you look half decent and can make her laugh your 90% the way there bro.
The girl i fw rn and want a relationship with we are always jsut fucking around at work, but I made sure to have a srs convo with her about life and what she wants out of it just to see where she aligns and I agreed with her on alot, we been talking outside of work now. All my coworkers went and got hibachi and I sat next to her and had a blast, you just gotta talk, communication is literally key unless your a 10/10 and shes a complete whore in which fuck it thats a fling anyway, hookups and shit arent cool and dont really matter although they are fun lmao.
Im sorry to hear about your dad brother, it probally did effect you greatly, the worst part about life is we have to correct the bullshit other people invoke on us
I know im going off on a tangent and pretty choppy but im just letting my mind vomit and letting you spew through it in anyway you choose

 

[AscendantGalivanter]

Thanks, your post means a lot. I dont care or want any hookups i just want to find a girl i like and spend the rest of my days with her. Im not sure if this specific girl is the one i want, she vapes and goes to disco parties (like almost all girls here). Your advice is what ive been thinking about but i wasnt sure about it. I have to learn to freely express myself and cutoff the part of my brain that makes me feel awkward orherwise i wont ever be happy. I feel like you somewhat understand me, i hope. Its a nice feeling so thanks. I dont know you but you seem like a decent guy and i hope to become like you or the way you describe yourself (no glaze), thanks again friend

 

[Deleted member 259706]

Thanks, your post means a lot. I dont care or want any hookups i just want to find a girl i like and spend the rest of my days with her. Im not sure if this specific girl is the one i want, she vapes and goes to disco parties (like almost all girls here). Your advice is what ive been thinking about but i wasnt sure about it. I have to learn to freely express myself and cutoff the part of my brain that makes me feel awkward orherwise i wont ever be happy. I feel like you somewhat understand me, i hope. Its a nice feeling so thanks. I dont know you but you seem like a decent guy and i hope to become like you or the way you describe yourself (no glaze), thanks again friend

Yea party girls are fun bro, funny enough a asian girl who partied alot I met is what really got me out my bubble( along with some henny and molly lol) sometimes they end up being good girls too and Hella down to earth typically but maybe a few bodys if you care about that( idgaf personally aslong as its not crazy). Of course bro anytime its the hardest thing I ever did was getting out my bubble and expressing myself.
People with tough childhoods typically experience this(idk yours) this happens to alot they end up being extra reserved I grew up homeless and always kept shit to myself because it was the only way to get by in tough/impoverished places especially as a white dude in a primarily black area lmao, when I moved out the city once I was 14 I was weird asf and had to change alot over the course of my teen years.
I totally feel you bro, dont be afraid to shoot a message you seem like a solid dude aswell bro
much love and safety

 

[AscendantGalivanter]

Yea party girls are fun bro, funny enough a asian girl who partied alot I met is what really got me out my bubble( along with some henny and molly lol) sometimes they end up being good girls too and Hella down to earth typically but maybe a few bodys if you care about that( idgaf personally aslong as its not crazy). Of course bro anytime its the hardest thing I ever did was getting out my bubble and expressing myself.
People with tough childhoods typically experience this(idk yours) this happens to alot they end up being extra reserved I grew up homeless and always kept shit to myself because it was the only way to get by in tough/impoverished places especially as a white dude in a primarily black area lmao, when I moved out the city once I was 14 I was weird asf and had to change alot over the course of my teen years.
I totally feel you bro, dont be afraid to shoot a message you seem like a solid dude aswell bro
much love and safety

Id ideally want a girl whos a virgin, do you have a rough idea or percentage that she may or may not be a virgin since you seem well informed?
Sounds rough lol, the way you phrase it makes it sound like you didnt grow up with your parents. I moved a lot as a kid, never stayed in the same school longer than 2 years, been to different countries to so that made making meaningful friendships difficult. I either lived with my mom or grandma lol not much with my dad. Im starting uni this year so hopefully i can get a real fresh start.
I have a sailing license and i want sail around the world and maybe live on it for a bit lol. Im trying to get enough money to buy a boat. I id like to bring my future gf with me, nothing i want more. If not id do it alone, but like Chris McCandless says, “happiness is only real if shared”, so hopefully it wont come to that. Sorry if im yapping to much i dont have any irl friends i can talk to lol,
Thanks again