How can I get Nardil? Need help with very high inhib.

[Elias144]

My inhib is way too high and I'm running out of options. I know a lot will say high inhib is just because I'm subhuman but it isn't true. My lived experience suggests I'm somewhere between mtn and htn. The feedback I get from society is actually good, but it doesn't matter my inhib is still crazy high.

I work at a doctor's office where I interact with at least 15 new people every day, so it's not like I'm not exercising my social muscle. I'm also on a baseball team and I volunteer at two different places for a few hours every week. People like me and try to talk to/befriend me, but I'm way too quiet and it's off-putting. I get caught in analysis paralysis and most of the time end up saying nothing/very little, or saying something really generic. I'm simply not very fun to be around because I'm too serious and don't say much. I really want to be more lighthearted and stop overthinking everything.

I've tried so many drugs and not much works.

• Alcohol is OK sometimes, but mostly it just makes me morose and go nonverbal.
• Benzos put me to sleep.
• Pregabalin and gabapentin do literally nothing.
• Microdosing psychedelics is placebo. Macrodosing is effective for coping with existential dread but not for lowering inhib.
• Stimulants can give you an ego boost but accelerate your brain activity which is counterproductive when overthinking is at the root of the issue.
• Antidepressant reuptake inhibitor type drugs are absolutely placebo- I tried 6 different meds and got nothing from any of them. Literally nothing, not even any negative side effects.
• Beta-blockers are useless because my anxiety isn't physical.
• Opioids can be effective when desperate but terrible to take long term.
• Dissociatives are effective, but make you literally retarded and you can't work, study, or drive while on them.
• Phenibut is the best thing I've tried, but only for the afterglow. I feel nothing directly from phenibut, but the day after I feel extremely low inhib while also feeling 100% sober. The problem is that you can't take it every day.

I want to try Nardil now because I believe it could help. I'm hoping it could provide a similar feeling to the phenibut afterglow, but every day instead of just once a week. It's literally fucking impossible to get it though. It's nowhere to be found on any grey/black market. Getting it prescribed is apparently hopeless. I've been to 4 different psych providers (2 NPs, 1 MD, 1 PA) and they refuse to prescribe it. I'm frustrated that this is so inaccessible. It's literally the only drug I've never been able to find. Truthfully it probably won't help me, but it's still worth trying. Is it even possible to get it online? Has anyone ever found it? How do you get a doctor to prescribe it? My next option is steroids, but I wanted to avoid that if possible.



tldr:
Is there anywhere you can get Nardil online? Any tips to get it prescribed without having to try and fail every other antidepressant ever invented first?