How I (kind of) avoid falling in love

[Lonenely sigma]

Even when I couldn't really put my finger on it, I could still feel it. I knew it was all shallow, I just didn't realize the main factor was the face...



It was in 2021, I was 15 or 16 at the time. I remember wondering why I always fell into deep limerence with random girls, idolizing them etc. I wondered why I never was the one they were dreaming about.


Then it occured to me: I have to be good looking enough to fall in love with my own reflection! What a groundbreaking discovery, I know...


Since then, the number of times I've "fell in love" has decreased quite a bit. Nevertheless, it still happens.


On a "good day", when I look lookable and a girl shows me some affection, I don't fall in love with her. I don't even feel really good.


Instead, I feel nothing but fear - what if she sees me under a bad lighting? What if I get a horrendous hairstyle? What if she catches me wearing makeup? What if... what if...


There's no escape, really. I just have to be perfect, and I have to be perfect forever. Otherwise, I can't face any of my problems, since my face is my problem.

 

[romanstock]

Limerence is a state of mind characterized by involuntary, obsessive infatuation with another person, often accompanied by intrusive thoughts and a strong desire for reciprocation. It's a psychological condition where intense romantic feelings are fueled by uncertainty about the other person's feelings and a need for validation.