How many of you are basically orphans?

[Deleted member 17578]

In my case:
basically completely detached parents/siblings with whom you are in no real contact with anymore. And then no other family either.
So non-existent family in my case. Orphan.

 

[Godera]

Im in contact with my family but i dont like them

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Im in contact with my family but i dont like them

So then it's either troublesome or net-positive category.

I guess it's a difficult distinction and I didn't explain it good enough.

 

[RecessedCels]

I only interact with my mom

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Im in contact with my family but i dont like them

What I meant with troublesome is: You still have some contact with family, but it is very broken, few, difficult, etc.

So you have family somewhere, and you are still in contact, but it is very difficult and broken. Can't really rely on them, the relationship is stressed, etc. That's what I meant with troublesome. Where yes you still 'have' family, but any contact with them is hard.

So basically, you don't really have a family, just some 'connections' that don't really accumulate into much of anything really.

 

[Deleted member 86046]

They’re there physically but not emotionally

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I only interact with my mom

is there anyone in your family with whom you would like to have a better connection with, knowing how they (will) treat you?

 

[Deleted member 130915]

In my case:
basically completely detached parents/siblings with whom you are in no real contact with anymore. And then no other family either.
So non-existent family in my case. Orphan.

I grew up with a single working mother who gave birth at 18 and has intentionally/unintentionally emasculated me/bluepilled me since childhood, zero father figure, no connection whatsoever to my grandparents or any extended family. What’s more, I never had a single friend, girlfriend, or really any positive IRL connection besides my mother in my entire life.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

They’re there physically but not emotionally

Sad stuff. So there's basically no room for you as a person. Nobody really looks after you or cares about you as a person.

 

[Deleted member 130915]

I grew up with a single working mother who gave birth at 18 and has intentionally/unintentionally emasculated me/bluepilled me since childhood, zero father figure, no connection whatsoever to my grandparents or any extended family. What’s more, I never had a single friend, girlfriend, or really any positive IRL connection besides my mother in my entire life.

to this day I feel an insane stress response just being in the presence of older males/anyone who has a fatherly aspect to them

 

[RecessedCels]

is there anyone in your family with whom you would like to have a better connection with, knowing how they (will) treat you?

Well I don't like anyone else really in my close family so idk. I don't know anything about my relatives and cousins so idk if I wanna be closer to them

 

[Deleted member 86046]

Sad stuff. So there's basically no room for you as a person. Nobody really looks after you or cares about you as a person.

Yeah I mean we all live in the same house, like 6 of us but no one like interacts, it’s always quiet

 

[RecessedCels]

to this day I feel an insane stress response just being in the presence of older males/anyone who has a fatherly aspect to them

Same. I always just stop for a few seconds

 

[Godera]

What I meant with troublesome is: You still have some contact with family, but it is very broken, few, difficult, etc.

So you have family somewhere, and you are still in contact, but it is very difficult and broken. Can't really rely on them, the relationship is stressed, etc. That's what I meant with troublesome. Where yes you still 'have' family, but any contact with them is hard.

So basically, you don't really have a family, just some 'connections' that don't really accumulate into much of anything really.

Only my grandparents are hard to interact with, parents are ok to be around but i cant have feelings for them because of past events. My relationship to my brothers is alright, i wouldnt be around them if they didnt ask me to

 

[REGULUS]

mogger poll ngl;

 

[RecessedCels]

I grew up with a single working mother who gave birth at 18 and has intentionally/unintentionally emasculated me/bluepilled me since childhood, zero father figure, no connection whatsoever to my grandparents or any extended family. What’s more, I never had a single friend, girlfriend, or really any positive IRL connection besides my mother in my entire life.

The emasculation fucked me up man. I can't connect or really relate to guys

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I grew up with a single working mother who gave birth at 18 and has intentionally/unintentionally emasculated me/bluepilled me since childhood, zero father figure, no connection whatsoever to my grandparents or any extended family. What’s more, I never had a single friend, girlfriend, or really any positive IRL connection besides my mother in my entire life.

brutal. Fucking brutal man you didn't deserve going through a youth like that. You didn't fucking deserve it. You deserve better.

Who were the most important social figures in your life you would say, duing your childhood? Your mother obviously, then who else? How was your relationship with your mother?

 

[Deleted member 130915]

The emasculation fucked me up man. I can't connect or really relate to guys

to this day at 26 years old she feels the need to constantly treat me like a little boy and can be very condescending. I live at home in a closet btw

 

[superpsycho]

i have a very supportive mom, dad, and sister.

the rest of my family can fuck off.

 

[Deleted member 80130]

I have a decent relationship but they live in Europe lol and I'm in the US

I'm alone

 

[RecessedCels]

to this day at 26 years old she feels the need to constantly treat me like a little boy and can be very condescending. I live at home in a closet btw

My dad is obviously shitty but I would have probably turned out much better if he hadn't left

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Well I don't like anyone else really in my close family so idk. I don't know anything about my relatives and cousins so idk if I wanna be closer to them

Hmmm okay. That's hard. Because that means you will have to find close-connection with others in a way that normal people with normal family don't.

You will require more emotional depth and safety from social connection than the average person. Which will mean you will need to put in this effort to create it, because the average person doesn't need it and won't look for it with you.

Very hard situation, but it's something you can get out of and deal with. I have faith in you.

 

[Deleted member 99987]

Hahahahahahaha niggas an orphan

 

[RecessedCels]

Hmmm okay. That's hard. Because that means you will have to find close-connection with others in a way that normal people with normal family don't.

You will require more emotional depth and safety from social connection than the average person. Which will mean you will need to put in this effort to create it, because the average person doesn't need it and won't look for it with you.

Very hard situation, but it's something you can get out of and deal with. I have faith in you.

Yeah man I know it's really fucked. I really don't think I can fix it though. Logically thinking it's very unlikely. It's gonna be really hard trying to approach people when you already feel unwanted

 

[Deleted member 130915]

brutal. Fucking brutal man you didn't deserve going through a youth like that. You didn't fucking deserve it. You deserve better.

Who were the most important social figures in your life you would say, duing your childhood? Your mother obviously, then who else? How was your relationship with your mother?

I literally did not have social figures besides my mother. I started using 4chan when I was 10 and eventually ended up on sluthate in 2016. I grew up learning nearly everything about socialization from the internet, but I am a very weak and passive person, so I am a natural victim.
My social models were faceless online entities who bullied me and brutalized me.


As for my mother, again, our relationship is really odd. She has exhibited traits of being a “devouring mother”, but these have lessened with age I think. Still, every now and then it feels almost as if she is happy to see that I’ve not progressed, that I’m wholly dependent on her. In the past she would often reward my weakness, make me out to be pathetic and incompetent, and whenever things failed I could run back to her care.

Our relationship is very odd. On one hand, she is the only person I have, and I can be open to her somewhat. On the other, there are things I cannot say to her at all, or if I do, she either cannot understand or refuses to try. She doesn’t understand me being an incel loser/doesn’t care. She has explicitly told me that she “feels no empathy” for that stuff. I would say I love her(as a mother ofc), but I feel uncomfortable saying the words. They make me physically cringe

A weird situation that kinda illustrates our relationship was the time she caught me fucking a hooker at the house once when everyone was gone(spying on the cameras) and I lied to her and said it was a tinder slut. She was infuriated with me. I locked myself my closet room for 5 days and did not even eat.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Only my grandparents are hard to interact with, parents are ok to be around but i cant have feelings for them because of past events. My relationship to my brothers is alright, i wouldnt be around them if they didnt ask me to

Hmmm yeah sounds like a bit troublesome to me if you have nobody else in your family you vibe with.

Your relationship with your parents/brothers is still allright though so I would cherish that. I see potential for you get more connection with your parents/siblings honestly. Maybe you never really talked about your struggles with them and you may be met with compassion when you do.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

i have a very supportive mom, dad, and sister.

the rest of my family can fuck off.

mirin'
its better to have a few people you are close to, than a very wide group of people you don't really vibe with ngl

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I have a decent relationship but they live in Europe lol and I'm in the US

I'm alone

why do you live in a different continent than the rest of your family?

 

[superpsycho]

mirin'
its better to have a few people you are close to, than a very wide group of people you don't really vibe with ngl

i learned the hard way in life that it is ideal to keep your circle small.

 

[Godera]

Hmmm yeah sounds like a bit troublesome to me if you have nobody else in your family you vibe with.

Your relationship with your parents/brothers is still allright though so I would cherish that. I see potential for you get more connection with your parents/siblings honestly. Maybe you never really talked about your struggles with them and you may be met with compassion when you do.

I cant form genuine connections with people anymore. It would be so forced. Ive never talked about my emotions with anyone irl

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Yeah man I know it's really fucked. I really don't think I can fix it though. Logically thinking it's very unlikely. It's gonna be really hard trying to approach people when you already feel unwanted

You are right that this process will be extremely difficult and hard. But don't underestimate it just because others don't have to go through it.

Don't compare yourself to others in this aspect and keep focussing on your own goals.

 

[mortis]

i have a top tier and loving family op

 

[Deleted member 17578]

i learned the hard way in life that it is ideal to keep your circle small.

I mean you were forced into this situation right? And that's fine, you had no real control of who and how your family relations would turn out.

But don't let it keep you from expanding outwards socially. Just because it was always this way, doesn't mean it will always have to be this way.

 

[RecessedCels]

You are right that this process will be extremely difficult and hard. But don't underestimate it just because others don't have to go through it.

Don't compare yourself to others in this aspect and keep focussing on your own goals.

Nigga im like a 3.5/10, no social skills and I look malnourished. No socializing for me

 

[superpsycho]

I mean you were forced into this situation right? And that's fine, you had no real control of who and how your family relations would turn out.

But don't let it keep you from expanding outwards socially. Just because it was always this way, doesn't mean it will always have to be this way.

yea i dont mind expanding my social life, meeting new people, and making new connections

its just my past experiences with certain family and friends who i thought had my back has made me very cynical.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I cant form genuine connections with people anymore. It would be so forced. Ive never talked about my emotions with anyone irl

Extremely relatable. All my connections with people are surface-level and don't really show who I am or any of my underlying emotions.

I hope it's something we can experiment with though. We allow ourselves to experiment with this at some point so that we CAN form those genuine connections, when we feel safe.

 

[Deleted member 80130]

why do you live in a different continent than the rest of your family?

They moved here from Europe when I was younger

They later returned because I'm old enough and independent now

I go to school here and my plans involve being in the US so what can I do

 

[RecessedCels]

s just my past experiences with certain family and friends who i thought had my back has made me very cynical.

Can't really trust anyone holy shit. No matter how close they are they can do bad shit

 

[superpsycho]

Can't really trust anyone holy shit. No matter how close they are they can do bad shit

at the end of the day all you have is yourself, no matter how close you feel like you are with anyone.

 

[Deleted member 124684]

Im in contact with my family but i dont like them

i think this is most of us

 

[Deleted member 124684]

yea i dont mind expanding my social life, meeting new people, and making new connections

its just my past experiences with certain family and friends who i thought had my back has made me very cynical.

same, im very wary if getting to know people

 

[Godera]

Extremely relatable. All my connections with people are surface-level and don't really show who I am or any of my underlying emotions.

I hope it's something we can experiment with though. We allow ourselves to experiment with this at some point so that we CAN form those genuine connections, when we feel safe.

I wish i could say it will get better, but at this point im too far gone mentally. I dont even feel human around others

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Nigga im like a 3.5/10, no social skills and I look malnourished. No socializing for me

malnourishment and no social-skills are things you can change. Don't give up. You are worth it!

 

[Deleted member 17578]

yea i dont mind expanding my social life, meeting new people, and making new connections

its just my past experiences with certain family and friends who i thought had my back has made me very cynical.

And that is very understandable.

Which means that when you do have new experiences with people it will be hard to trust them. Realize this emotion of yours and realize that it's not there for no reason. But that you can deal with it, set boundaries, control it, so that you don't get hurt.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

They moved here from Europe when I was younger

They later returned because I'm old enough and independent now

I go to school here and my plans involve being in the US so what can I do

seems fucking brutal for your entire family to just leave you and go to a different continent ngl. Must be very hard for you. Fucking brutal.

are there any other family members which have a similar struggle as you?

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I wish i could say it will get better, but at this point im too far gone mentally. I dont even feel human around others

I understand that. You say you don't even feel human around other anymore, which is an incredibly brutal realization. Complete emotional/social disconnect from your environment. Must feel terrible.

I hope there's situations in your life with other humans where you don't feel as bad as that though? When you are around your parents/siblings, or maybe a friend of yours?

I don't think you are too far gone mentally, just in a bad place right now.

 

[Deleted member 80130]

seems fucking brutal for your entire family to just leave you and go to a different continent ngl. Must be very hard for you. Fucking brutal.

I don't mind it much, tbh. I get independence and freedom which is good. But combining that + inceldom and friendlessness means I have literally nobody to talk to IRL lol, I'm less active online these days too
It's good because I want to focus on school shit and do well there
I'm a math major rn (thinking of changing to physics though) and want to make major contributions to the field
inceldom + autist focus could be a good combo for it

are there any other family members which have a similar struggle as you?

Nah

 

[Deleted member 17578]

I don't mind it much, tbh. I get independence and freedom which is good. But combining that + inceldom and friendlessness means I have literally nobody to talk to IRL lol, I'm less active online these days too
It's good because I want to focus on school shit and do well there
I'm a math major rn (thinking of changing to physics though) and want to make major contributions to the field
inceldom + autist focus could be a good combo for it

Nah

It's good to hear that you are doing well for yourself academically and this is giving you purpose and strength in life. Cherish it, don't let go of it.

But also realize that you need to tackle these issues of loneliness, no intimacy and social-rejection.
You can't ignore them. I mean you can, but you know they will just grow in strength. So can you, really?

 

[Deleted member 80130]

It's good to hear that you are doing well for yourself academically and this is giving you purpose and strength in life. Cherish it, don't let go of it.

But also realize that you need to tackle these issues of loneliness, no intimacy and social-rejection.
You can't ignore them. I mean you can, but you know they will just grow in strength. So can you, really?

I don't know. It is impossible for me to maintain relationships (friends or dating)

I literally struggle to keep friends I make on here and feel disconnected from anyone I meet

and these are fellow losers, people who I have a lot in common with. Imagine how it'd be with irl normies lol

 

[Deleted member 93434]

Divorced parents so i constantly have to travel between belgium and france and i have a twin sister but i love all of them