D
Deleted member 50720
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2023
- Posts
- 41
- Reputation
- 18
I want to be clear that I am not writing this to seek pity, maybe one of you can relate to me in one way or another.
Anyways I’ve had this problem for legit years, probably ever since I was a kid.
Just rarely feels like I’m ever actually myself, like soo much of the time I’m just wasting a shit ton of mental energy on maintaining a mask, even to the point of it being subconscious sometimes.
It’s funny because I can actually appear relatively NT, I legit do lofe/jidion-style trolls with my friend in public and play out an entire persona.
I think it might be a symptom of abused dog syndrome to be honest, I’ve basically faced constant rejection my whole life for seemingly no reason. It’s truly weird because I had a great upbringing with a supportive family, but legit no matter the social group, I’ve always been completely outed in one way or another. I moved schools a few times too (come to think of it, I’ve been rejected from 5 different social groups consecutively from when I was a freshman to a senior), but for years I’ve faced constant social paranoia. I think it might be a symptom of social isolation; if I had to describe it, it’s like when you watch a musical at a theatre and there is a bright light shining onto the main character as the audience watches, so imagine that but if the audience hypothetically couldn’t be seen. Maybe this is just my schizo rambling but the point is that it feels like it is practically over for your reputation no matter what you do, and everyone knows it except for you.
If anyone can relate to this on some level, as autistic as it might sound, please reply.
Anyways I’ve had this problem for legit years, probably ever since I was a kid.
Just rarely feels like I’m ever actually myself, like soo much of the time I’m just wasting a shit ton of mental energy on maintaining a mask, even to the point of it being subconscious sometimes.
It’s funny because I can actually appear relatively NT, I legit do lofe/jidion-style trolls with my friend in public and play out an entire persona.
I think it might be a symptom of abused dog syndrome to be honest, I’ve basically faced constant rejection my whole life for seemingly no reason. It’s truly weird because I had a great upbringing with a supportive family, but legit no matter the social group, I’ve always been completely outed in one way or another. I moved schools a few times too (come to think of it, I’ve been rejected from 5 different social groups consecutively from when I was a freshman to a senior), but for years I’ve faced constant social paranoia. I think it might be a symptom of social isolation; if I had to describe it, it’s like when you watch a musical at a theatre and there is a bright light shining onto the main character as the audience watches, so imagine that but if the audience hypothetically couldn’t be seen. Maybe this is just my schizo rambling but the point is that it feels like it is practically over for your reputation no matter what you do, and everyone knows it except for you.
If anyone can relate to this on some level, as autistic as it might sound, please reply.
