how to deal with love?

[arthurfish]

I'm such a fucking autist when it comes to relationships and I've never known how to deal with them. I can't get over the feeling that everything will go wrong and as a result I actively self-sabotage. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I feel the overwhelming urge to pull away or to push away-- often both. Closeness feels terrifying and I hate the thought of losing control. I hate the feeling of it too. Every minute of silence or being on delivered feels like rejection and I just feel so permanently inadequate.

Reassurance helps only in the moment but the second things are silent again all the feelings of inadequacy come flooding back in. I want to be a better person but it feels near impossible because of how immutably autistic I am. I wish I could respond normally to being loved and to feeling love but instead it just freaks me out and makes me want to run away. It's ironic and hypocritical that I say that silence and being on delivered feels like rejection because I do the same thing. I don't know how to deal with someone wanting my attention

I don't know how anyone could love someone as flawed, autistic, and subhuman as me, and because of that, every sign of affection feels fake. My response to loving someone and being loved isn't to try and get closer; it's to push them away and to try and become as detached and avoidant as possible. Sometimes I find myself wanting to end my relationship as a way to keep control because if things end on my terms, I can at least be prepared and at least it was by my decision. I hate loving and becoming attached but I hate being alone more. I want to go back to the times where I didn't need anyone but myself, back to when other people didn't affect me. I want to be alone and to not have a problem with it again.

It's so distressing to me realizing that someone means more to me than I'd like to admit. It's even more distressing when the other person feels similarly. My distance, in a way, is me trying to prove to myself that I can pull away whenever I want. I know that's not the case, though. The distress I feel while loving and being loved is nowhere near the distress I feel while alone. I don't think there's much point to life without love but people like me are incapable of loving and feeling loved properly.

 

[bibodude]

dnr
love doesnt exist though anymore

 

[arthurfish]

dnr
love doesnt exist though anymore

truth nuke

 

[sørenyuko]

dnr
love doesnt exist though anymore

It never existed
"no love lost" as someone wise said

 

[kliiipss]

To solve this problem you should get multiple girlfriends
Because if you have only 1 she gonna be the one in control and can broke your heart so go get another one

 

[jflmeister]

It never existed
"no love lost" as someone wise said

what are you gonna do

 

[jc0]

hella relatable bro its like if u get too close u feel vulnerable and weak and out of control, so u dont let anyone get close but if u stay lonely u fixed 1 problem but caused another. feeling secure requires being lonely, but feeling loved requires vulnerability, which makes u feel insecure. its like a double edged sword. i think its because we care too much about what others think and have low self esteem/confidence. this is the sole principle underlying my non existent social life

 

[DeborahAnnWollFARTS]

love doesnt exist

 

[maximuslaid]

Often times talking to more girls will solve all your relationship problems

 

[arthurfish]

Often times talking to more girls will solve all your relationship problems

no bro it doesn't for me. I thought so too but all it really did was create more problems because my girlfriend would become jealous of me hanging out with / talking to other girls a lot. attention means very little to me if its not coming from someone I care about

 

[arthurfish]

hella relatable bro its like if u get too close u feel vulnerable and weak and out of control, so u dont let anyone get close but if u stay lonely u fixed 1 problem but caused another. feeling secure requires being lonely, but feeling loved requires vulnerability, which makes u feel insecure. its like a double edged sword. i think its because we care too much about what others think and have low self esteem/confidence. this is the sole principle underlying my non existent social life

yes bro its the worst. my self-esteem is so low that I can't possibly see how someone could love me while not even liking myself

 

[n2on]

I'm such a fucking autist when it comes to relationships and I've never known how to deal with them. I can't get over the feeling that everything will go wrong and as a result I actively self-sabotage. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I feel the overwhelming urge to pull away or to push away-- often both. Closeness feels terrifying and I hate the thought of losing control. I hate the feeling of it too. Every minute of silence or being on delivered feels like rejection and I just feel so permanently inadequate.

Reassurance helps only in the moment but the second things are silent again all the feelings of inadequacy come flooding back in. I want to be a better person but it feels near impossible because of how immutably autistic I am. I wish I could respond normally to being loved and to feeling love but instead it just freaks me out and makes me want to run away. It's ironic and hypocritical that I say that silence and being on delivered feels like rejection because I do the same thing. I don't know how to deal with someone wanting my attention

I don't know how anyone could love someone as flawed, autistic, and subhuman as me, and because of that, every sign of affection feels fake. My response to loving someone and being loved isn't to try and get closer; it's to push them away and to try and become as detached and avoidant as possible. Sometimes I find myself wanting to end my relationship as a way to keep control because if things end on my terms, I can at least be prepared and at least it was by my decision. I hate loving and becoming attached but I hate being alone more. I want to go back to the times where I didn't need anyone but myself, back to when other people didn't affect me. I want to be alone and to not have a problem with it again.

It's so distressing to me realizing that someone means more to me than I'd like to admit. It's even more distressing when the other person feels similarly. My distance, in a way, is me trying to prove to myself that I can pull away whenever I want. I know that's not the case, though. The distress I feel while loving and being loved is nowhere near the distress I feel while alone. I don't think there's much point to life without love but people like me are incapable of loving and feeling loved properly.

distance yourself from humanity.

seems to me quiet is your peace.

too many "I" in this. meaning your programming your subconscious mind to keep behaving this way.

be postive in every fucking scenario you come across with.

there's always 2 sides to a coin.
good & bad

you either keep make your reality this way and suffer forever or change.

you know what to change.

SO DO IT.

 

[arthurfish]

To solve this problem you should get multiple girlfriends
Because if you have only 1 she gonna be the one in control and can broke your heart so go get another one

too much of a headache unfortunately + I'm not the easiest to get along with. I'm giga autistic and I'm pretty sure my current girlfriend is the only person who'll tolerate it as much as she has

 

[arthurfish]

distance yourself from humanity.

I'm terrible with loneliness

 

[ReccesedSlavic]

I'm such a fucking autist when it comes to relationships and I've never known how to deal with them. I can't get over the feeling that everything will go wrong and as a result I actively self-sabotage. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I feel the overwhelming urge to pull away or to push away-- often both. Closeness feels terrifying and I hate the thought of losing control. I hate the feeling of it too. Every minute of silence or being on delivered feels like rejection and I just feel so permanently inadequate.

Reassurance helps only in the moment but the second things are silent again all the feelings of inadequacy come flooding back in. I want to be a better person but it feels near impossible because of how immutably autistic I am. I wish I could respond normally to being loved and to feeling love but instead it just freaks me out and makes me want to run away. It's ironic and hypocritical that I say that silence and being on delivered feels like rejection because I do the same thing. I don't know how to deal with someone wanting my attention

I don't know how anyone could love someone as flawed, autistic, and subhuman as me, and because of that, every sign of affection feels fake. My response to loving someone and being loved isn't to try and get closer; it's to push them away and to try and become as detached and avoidant as possible. Sometimes I find myself wanting to end my relationship as a way to keep control because if things end on my terms, I can at least be prepared and at least it was by my decision. I hate loving and becoming attached but I hate being alone more. I want to go back to the times where I didn't need anyone but myself, back to when other people didn't affect me. I want to be alone and to not have a problem with it again.

It's so distressing to me realizing that someone means more to me than I'd like to admit. It's even more distressing when the other person feels similarly. My distance, in a way, is me trying to prove to myself that I can pull away whenever I want. I know that's not the case, though. The distress I feel while loving and being loved is nowhere near the distress I feel while alone. I don't think there's much point to life without love but people like me are incapable of loving and feeling loved properly.

Don’t bother if you aren’t over mtn

 

[arthurfish]

Don’t bother if you aren’t over mtn

I'm 6'3 mtn. I've been rated here before

 

[kliiipss]

too much of a headache unfortunately + I'm not the easiest to get along with. I'm giga autistic and I'm pretty sure my current girlfriend is the only person who'll tolerate it as much as she has

Just take propranolol and sertraline