Deleted member 13592
Diamond
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2021
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How to hang out with people
Loners often fail to understand that when it comes to hanging around with people, they simply want company, not entertainment. You don’t have to put on a performance by being funny or interesting. You don’t have to demonstrate your intelligence or achievements. The only thing you need to do is be relaxed and dispassionate.
People don’t like to be alone, particularly in public. There is a social stigma and inherent sense of failure that comes with being alone in public. As such, the primary purpose when hanging around with other people is to avoid being alone.
You don’t have to be talking all the time
People who are comfortable with each other are comfortable with silence. There is no constant back and forth of questions and small talk. Comments are made only when there is something of value to say. This is part of having good social skills as an adult. It’s not just about talking, it’s also about not talking.
Loners often equate silence with awkwardness. Silence is only awkward when both people are searching for something to say. When people are comfortable and hanging around with each other there is an understanding that it is okay not to be talking.
Inducing silence in conversations
One trick to reduce awkwardness that may come with silence when first hanging around with someone is to intentionally let the conversation go silent. The other person will say something and you don’t respond. Instead, you let the conversation go cold and then say something new, unrelated, and of value at later on. This demonstrates to the other person that it is “cool” not to be talking all the time. You’re relaxed and comfortable with each other to the point of not having to keep talking.
Socially awkward adults often never let this silence happen thus preventing the necessary comfort and bond needed to spawn friendships and relationships from developing. Loners have it engrained in their mind that “silence always means awkward” and this is just not the case. Nobody wants to hang around with someone if they feel a pressure to keep talking. They want to hang around with people who are relaxed and who they feel they have an understanding with.
Loners and nice guys try too hard
Loners tend not to try hard enough to find people to hang around with, but try too hard when it comes to actually hanging out with them. Namely, they try to impress the other person by saying things that are funny, witty, interesting, etc. They also try to keep conversations going with persistent comments and questions of little value. If other people see hanging around with you as uncomfortable, they won’t want to do it anymore. You have to be relaxed and relatively dispassionate when you’re with friends or potential friends.
In short: Put more effort into inviting people and securing invitations to hang out with people and then relax more when you are actually hanging out with them.
Loners often fail to understand that when it comes to hanging around with people, they simply want company, not entertainment. You don’t have to put on a performance by being funny or interesting. You don’t have to demonstrate your intelligence or achievements. The only thing you need to do is be relaxed and dispassionate.
People don’t like to be alone, particularly in public. There is a social stigma and inherent sense of failure that comes with being alone in public. As such, the primary purpose when hanging around with other people is to avoid being alone.
You don’t have to be talking all the time
People who are comfortable with each other are comfortable with silence. There is no constant back and forth of questions and small talk. Comments are made only when there is something of value to say. This is part of having good social skills as an adult. It’s not just about talking, it’s also about not talking.
Loners often equate silence with awkwardness. Silence is only awkward when both people are searching for something to say. When people are comfortable and hanging around with each other there is an understanding that it is okay not to be talking.
Inducing silence in conversations
One trick to reduce awkwardness that may come with silence when first hanging around with someone is to intentionally let the conversation go silent. The other person will say something and you don’t respond. Instead, you let the conversation go cold and then say something new, unrelated, and of value at later on. This demonstrates to the other person that it is “cool” not to be talking all the time. You’re relaxed and comfortable with each other to the point of not having to keep talking.
Socially awkward adults often never let this silence happen thus preventing the necessary comfort and bond needed to spawn friendships and relationships from developing. Loners have it engrained in their mind that “silence always means awkward” and this is just not the case. Nobody wants to hang around with someone if they feel a pressure to keep talking. They want to hang around with people who are relaxed and who they feel they have an understanding with.
Loners and nice guys try too hard
Loners tend not to try hard enough to find people to hang around with, but try too hard when it comes to actually hanging out with them. Namely, they try to impress the other person by saying things that are funny, witty, interesting, etc. They also try to keep conversations going with persistent comments and questions of little value. If other people see hanging around with you as uncomfortable, they won’t want to do it anymore. You have to be relaxed and relatively dispassionate when you’re with friends or potential friends.
In short: Put more effort into inviting people and securing invitations to hang out with people and then relax more when you are actually hanging out with them.
