I am a mentalcel

[Bitterschön]

i could be tall
i could be fit
i could get compliments
i could get matches
but nothing ever sticks
because the call is coming from inside the house

i ruin things before they start
i ghost before i get ghosted
i push people away just to confirm they would have left anyway

i do not believe i am lovable
so when someone tries
it feels like a scam
like a prank
like a test i am about to fail

i replay every message ten times before sending it
then hate myself for sounding fake
then hate myself for being silent

i am not incel
i am mentalcel
my prison has no walls
only mirrors

i cannot enjoy a hug without wondering if they regret it
i cannot hear "i like you" without needing proof
i cannot stay present because i am already predicting the end

even when they are kind
i feel distant
even when they are patient
i feel undeserving
even when they stay
i still feel alone

conclusion
i am not starved of love
i am allergic to it

 

[Bitterschön]

bump

 

[dstivvy]

bump

Damn bro you waited a whole day to bump

 

[valentine]

chad and stacy... stacy and chad winners of the genetic lottery!

 

[dnnaxd]

i really suspect that i have adhd cause of a lot of issues and shit i have also including but not limited to everything u wrote here

started reading and thought "damn he's literally me"
mfw "diagnosed adhd"