I am ALONE.

[got.daim]

that's a brutal truth, relatable

btw, what are your stats (age, PSL, height, weight etc)?

i'm 27 higher mtn 180 cm without boosters and average weight, kind of chubby

 

[got.daim]

You might be autistic

i am, but being demisexual doesn't = autism

 

[Deleted member 86877]

Dont be sad ur a chad

 

[got.daim]

Dont be sad ur a chad

pffft.. i wish, @Gengar thinks i am though

 

[hopecel]

i'm 27 higher mtn 180 cm without boosters and average weight, kind of chubby

how do you feel about being 27? I'm 21 and I already feel old af tbh

 

[got.daim]

how do you feel about being 27? I'm 21 and I already feel old af tbh

i don't feel old, i feel young and energetic!

 

[Deleted member 71543]

I read like half of it. I relate to the part where your parents dont let you do jack shit. I was quite popular and physically active until I was like 13 they didnt let me do jack shit so I stopped asking and going to anything.

 

[hopecel]

i don't feel old, i feel young and energetic!

honestly I also act like I'm 15 and I look like I'm that young, what I meant is that my age feels old to me

since when are you blackpilled?

 

[got.daim]

honestly I also act like I'm 15 and I look like I'm that young, what I meant is that my age feels old to me

since when are you blackpilled?

i've known about blackpill since around 2010-2011?
i've always known looks mattered since i was bullied, but im more of purplepilled, i don't really understand the new terms meaning

I read like half of it. I relate to the part where your parents dont let you do jack shit. I was quite popular and physically active until I was like 13 they didnt let me do jack shit so I stopped asking and going to anything.

same, i would just rot on my house PC

 

[Deleted member 117117]

its been a couple days since you posted but wanted to ask how you are man? i'm here if you want someone to talk to

 

[got.daim]

its been a couple days since you posted but wanted to ask how you are man? i'm here if you want someone to talk to

thank you bhai, i really appreciate it im on vacation so i dont post as much but ill be back in full force soon

 

[Deleted member 117431]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

dnr

 

[Deleted member 101975]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

Deserved for ignoring me

 

[Deleted member 117117]

thank you bhai, i really appreciate it im on vacation so i dont post as much but ill be back in full force soon

enjoy your vacation man hope it helps you relax a bit even if its temporary

 

[Deleted member 62787]

how much money does it cost, i'm poor

Ill be your therapist bro pm me

 

[jefty]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

u have this community

 

[ItsOverLawg]

Dnr

 

[ItsOverLawg]

Just talk to us here bro
I'll listen
Tell me when did you last shower
I showered last in 1017

 

[Deleted member 99272]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

your dad really was slaying trannies?? jfl

 

[Deleted member 109023]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I read everything. You need to see a psychologist, this is the first and most important step to fix your life, and you need to be open minded about it to work. You need to let go this necessity of love or you won't ever feel happy again, because this is what is dragging you down. I would recommend going to the gym, it's simply perfect to make at least some of your sad feelings to go and it gives you a body bonus aswell. I want to recommend you going outside more aswell, going to clubs, socializing and doing stuff like these, at least force yourself first. Humans are social creatures and without being social you start to develop these conditions, you got confortable in these foruns and this is destroying you time to time, this is why I'm telling you to go out more.

 

[Deleted member 109023]

Also this is a terrible place to vent, since 90% of this website are just narcy idiots. But I get why you are doing it here.

 

[tonka T]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

Read it all, for you bro

 

[tonka T]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

I read it all but I can't give you any advice because I haven't been to what you've been thru. Now that I think about it my life is easy which sadness me in a way because why did I get to live this way but other people didn't, but now this motivates me even more to make the best of myself and the opportunities I have been given. We all have dark thoughts some more than others, what helps me get rid of them is thinking of starving kids in Africa for example and how hard their life is, that gets rid of my sadness almost immediately. Idk if this will work for you prolly not, but one thing you need to do is find activities that help you channel your emotions and help you be more productive.

 

[Deleted member 95505]

Read the whole thing. Damn bro..... we're the opposite, I never found sense in relationships and stuff like that—you do.

Look, let me frank: I don't understand you, and you don't me. I can't find love in thing's so simple as, relationship. It's stupid to me.

Why do you find the need for love and approval? What's so important about it?


Hope you get better brah!

 

[Deleted member 120760]

Read the whole thing. Damn bro..... we're the opposite, I never found sense in relationships and stuff like that—you do.

Look, let me frank: I don't understand you, and you don't me. I can't find love in thing's so simple as, relationship. It's stupid to me.

Why do you find the need for love and approval? What's so important about it?


Hope you get better brah!
View attachment 3409207

Why do you find the need for love and approval? What's so important about it?: You must be really far off on the spectrum. At least for me if you don't get any love or approval you'll just get depressed, it's the thing of wanting to be in the flock.

 

[Deleted member 95505]

Why do you find the need for love and approval? What's so important about it?: You must be really far off on the spectrum. At least for me if you don't get any love or approval you'll just get depressed, it's the thing of wanting to be in the flock.

I'm not autistic; I'm a sociopath though.


Also, you forgot the, ". Got me confused at first.

 

[Deleted member 120760]

I'm not autistic; I'm a sociopath though.


Also, you forgot the, ". Got me confused at first.

Do you truly not have any desire for relationships?

 

[cobicado901]

good.

 

[Deleted member 95505]

Do you truly not have any desire for relationships?

Yup. As in romantic.

Friendly relationships tho, it's complicated.

 

[wizardcowboy]

Read the whole thing. Damn bro..... we're the opposite, I never found sense in relationships and stuff like that—you do.

Look, let me frank: I don't understand you, and you don't me. I can't find love in thing's so simple as, relationship. It's stupid to me.

Why do you find the need for love and approval? What's so important about it?...

@MarioTheGoat I kind of understand what you mean. You just don't care enough for others, especially compared to yourself, and being alone mostly avoids potential friction & mundanity with social interactions.

You like being desired but you hate anything that threatens your space, privacy, solitary; anything that doesn't contribute to what you seek, or adhere to your path.

Is that right? Anything else?

 

[Deleted member 95505]

@MarioTheGoat I kind of understand what you mean. You just don't care enough for others, especially compared to yourself, and being alone mostly avoids potential friction & mundanity with social interactions.

You like being desired but you hate anything that threatens your space, privacy, solitary; anything that doesn't contribute to what you seek, or adhere to your path.

Is that right? Anything else?

What the fuck.

Not even my therapist told me this.