I am too PTSD-traumatized to take advantage of my looks.

[MoggerGaston]

And there's nothing I can fucking do about it.

I have a new career event coming up and last year at this same event, I was mogging hard socially. How?

Everyone at my company in my department is an oldcel, so they automatically see me as 'the young guy who must be slaying.' I am truecel in reality, but because I am somewhat young (29yo JFL) and decent-looking, they think I am some heartrob. They think girls are all over me.

Anyways this career event involved a lot of people from other departments, which has some marketing department with a lot of younger people, girls mostly.
I largely sticked with my own department, but these people were teasing me a bit n shit to flirt with this other department. But I am too scared for that shit, I feel subhuman.

During dinner when we had to get seated, my own department was sitting together, but there happened to be no space for me at their table, so I seated myself next to some girls from that other department.
One girl was HTB but ~30yo. So it's a bit of a mixed bag imo, good-looking for her age still, but also visibly older and therefore I feel like she has to be more demanding due to experience so it's brutal for me.

We had casual conversation and she started getting touchy, but I just kept the same stoic vibe as I started with as I felt waaaaay too uncomfortable to do anything with it. She made remarks about staying in a hotel nearby, which was a clear hint, but I felt like she would reject me anyways if I reciprocated.


TL: DR I have PTSD and even when girls show insane interest I reject myself so that they dont reject me.

I will never recover from childhood abuse trauma.

 

[MoggerGaston]

This is what awaits you when you looksmax and ascend like me.

I went from LTN to HTN, I get goodlooking girls flrting with me, yet the PTSD, the trauma, is already too deep.

there is no escape. only suicide

 

[134applesauce456]

drink alcohol to lower iq

 

[VV62]

drink alcohol to lower iq

Doesn't work tried it with benzos basically the same thing psychedelics might work though going to try DMT while meditating next year and hopefully it cures the PTSD

 

[Aladin]

And there's nothing I can fucking do about it.

I have a new career event coming up and last year at this same event, I was mogging hard socially. How?

Everyone at my company in my department is an oldcel, so they automatically see me as 'the young guy who must be slaying.' I am truecel in reality, but because I am somewhat young (29yo JFL) and decent-looking, they think I am some hearthrob. They think girls are all over me.

Anyways this carreer event involved a lot of people from other departments, which has some marketing department with a lot of younger people, girls mostly.
I largely sticked with my own department, but these people were teasing me a bit n shit to flirt with this other department. But I am too scared for that shit, I feel subhuman.

During dinner when we had to get seated, my own department was sitting together, but there happened to be no space for me at their table, so I seated myself next to some girls from that other department.
One girl was HTB but ~30yo. So it's a bit of a mixed bag imo, good-looking for her age still, but also visibly older and therefore I feel like she has to be more demanding due to experience so it's brutal for me.

We had casual conversation and she started getting touchy, but I just kept the same stoic vibe as I started with as I felt waaaaay to uncomfortable to do anything with it. She made remarks about staying in a hotel nearby, which was a clear hint, but I felt like she would reject me anyways if I reciprocated.


TL: DR I have PTSD and even when girls show insane interest I reject myself so that they dont reject me.

I will never recover from childhood abuse trauma.

You’re creating new abuse.

 

[Always Stay You]

She made remarks about staying in a hotel nearby, which was a clear hint

MIRIN'

 

[manletmachinestream]

Doesn't work tried it with benzos basically the same thing psychedelics might work though going to try DMT while meditating next year and hopefully it cures the PTSD

It won’t

 

[VV62]

It won’t

Read something about a monk feeling like he had reached true enlightment while meditating on dmt so worth a try

 

[manletmachinestream]

Read something about a monk feeling like he had reached true enlightment while meditating on dmt so worth a try

Psychedelics are a meme for fixing mental health

 

[VV62]

Psychedelics are a meme for fixing mental health

Had somewhat of a success with shrooms actually

 

[MoggerGaston]

drink alcohol to lower iq

Doesn't work tried it with benzos basically the same thing psychedelics might work though going to try DMT while meditating next year and hopefully it cures the PTSD

trying to escape your mind with drugs can result in short-term succes, but how to turn that then into long-term change?

You cant rely on drugs for basic human interaction. what you gonna do, snort cocaine all the time at events like this?

I mean, honestly, i could tbh. fuck this shit life. maybe i should become a coke addict fuck this life.

 

[VV62]

trying to escape your mind with drugs can result in short-term succes, but how to turn that then into long-term change?

You cant rely on drugs for basic human interaction. what you gonna do, snort cocaine all the time at events like this?

I mean, honestly, i could tbh. fuck this shit life. maybe i should become a coke addict fuck this life.

Psychedelics arent short term really but tbh if coke could make me NT i would rather become a coke addict than live in ND hell

 

[MoggerGaston]

You’re creating new abuse.

I blank out when this happens, it's traumatizing as it happens, as she is touching me.

In my mind I am telling myself: 'she likes you man, she's touching you man. There is no denying it man, she is into you, but what the fuck we do? what is she expecting? you can never be good enough for her. She's hot asf, she expects you to be an experienced slayer. No man theres no way, this can only result in failure, what the fuck is this shit.'

-something like that-

In the end I end up alone since I can't capitalize on this opportunity, and beat myself up for being too anxious, PTSD-victim, for not seizing the opportunity.
Like I have to feel shame for being attractive enough to create opportunity, finally, after all these fucking years in my life. But finding out my PTSD is completely sabotaging it.

It doesn't help that ppl on this forum will tell me I am just some weak beta cuck high-inhib loser or something. I mean, I fucking wish that was just the issue. But this is deep-rooted trauma and pain.

I am literally affraid of women, I am afraid of intimacy, yet I long deeply for it.

And trust me, I am not chad enough for this to happen often enough. These things happen maybe 1-2 times per year now after I have ascended max. So it's not like I can afford to fail or something.
If you don't seize the opportunity, it's trueceldom with 0 female attention for another 6 months at the very least. I generally don't get iois anywhere I go, not at parties, raves, nowhere. this career event was an exception which is why I am making a post about it.

 

[MoggerGaston]

MIRIN'

i have a pic of her

i found her attractive enough and it was all just mental disease when this couldve been a slay instead.

just too brutal, i cant believe I ascended after all these decades and now I am just stuck with a broken mind which cant enjoy any of my new possibilities or opportunities.

I am writing essays about a girl that touched my arm a couple times over a year ago, that's how sad my life is.

 

[liberiangrimreaper]

Just give it up Gramps

 

[MoggerGaston]

Psychedelics arent short term really but tbh if coke could make me NT i would rather become a coke addict than live in ND hell

coke is NT drug. psychedelics makes you a weirdo but has more long term benefits.

ive done it all. if u just want to slay, do coke.

 

[Always Stay You]

i have a pic of her
View attachment 3387211

i found her attractive enough and it was all just mental disease when this couldve been a slay instead.

just too brutal, i cant believe I ascended after all these decades and now I am just stuck with a broken mind which cant enjoy any of my new possibilities or opportunities.

I am writing essays about a girl that touched my arm a couple times over a year ago, that's how sad my life is.

You fumbled. Slaying her in a hotel after the work event would have mogged. Would have felt like some porn movie chad lifestyle type shit

 

[MoggerGaston]

You fumbled. Slaying her in a hotel after the work event would have mogged. Would have felt like some porn movie chad lifestyle type shit

fuck you man. I already know I fumbled, that's what the fucking topic is about.

There's nothing I can do.

 

[Always Stay You]

fuck you man. I already know I fumbled, that's what the fucking topic is about.

There's nothing I can do.

"Sometimes the gazelle evades the lion, but the king of the jungle knows that the savannah is rife with other animals, and the predator will always get one more kill"

Read it twice

 

[MoggerGaston]

"Sometimes the gazelle evades the lion, but the king of the jungle knows that the savannah is rife with other animals, and the predator will always get one more kill"

Read it twice

There was also one other girl I vibed really well with at this event, but once I started flirting with her, which was a massive step for me, she told me she had a girlfriend.
incel luck.

Maybe next event will be better idk, it's in 2 weeks hope so else over. Maybe need to bring cocaine and also bring cialis+viagra just in case.

The time of trueceldom for me is getting kinda insane. How I can go years without any intimacy again after 'ascending' is ridiculous.
My mind loses all hope.

 

[Daddy's Home]

I admit I don't know anything about this PTSD, but what you seem to be describing with your fear is something natural, something that I personally do, or know other friends of mine who would do, whether we have girlfriends or not, or whatever any of us romantic history..

It's normal to put the most negative scenario first, and it's normal to know that you in the grand scheme of things don't have the experience or resources for all the intimate action to come to be one on a positive note. I personally find it perfectly normal to have concerns about such things..

This is a trait of high IQ, not wanting to lose your reputation and respect, given your inexperience.

What I've seen work for others and what has worked for me is this: simply create and work on the reality around you so that when such an opportunity arises, you no longer have any reason to be afraid..

Theoretically, these realities should come naturally and happen naturally, not that you should have to proactively work towards them (like being 30 and wanting to learn how to ride a bike, when you should have known how to ride a bike since you were 8 years old when your mom taught you)

But unfortunately you are the exception, not the generality, so:

"Ok, she wants me in her pussy, what do I do, I haven't been in one in years, so I won't be able to perform" -> before another opportunity like that comes up, go to some hookers, or if you swipe right to some skinny LTB on dating apps, go to their house and practice on them so next time you'll be able to perform.. (With them you just have to do it, they don't know you, so even if you don't do a good job the first time, you never meet again, and life goes on..)

"Ok, the sex was good with her, now she seems to be texting me the next few days again and seems like she'd like to LTR with me.. but I can't LTR with her for x, y, z reason" -> you start working on the x, y, z problems so that they, again, don't exist when such an opportunity arises.

You can do that with all the circumstance and context issues you think might intervene. Money you already have. You have energy. All you need is the will to change, and to transform the reality around you into the favorable environment in which you can get to have what you want emotionally and intimately.

That's what I and my friends and everyone I know did: "I don't know how to perform sexually -> I go to whores to practice", "I don't have a car to take her where she wants -> I buy a car", "I don't know how to talk to her -> I ask other people what I could talk to her about" etc. by time we ticked all the boxes that caused us worry and anxiety, and such interactions with girls became like taking out the garbage or washing our hands in terms of the self-pressure we put on ourselves.