fairfields
Iron
- Joined
- May 2, 2026
- Posts
- 4
- Reputation
- 2
I've been trying to change how I look for a bit now like 2-3 years, and I did, but so little and the more I search the more I realize how important bone structure is, with that I concluded the only option for me is getting surgery or implants, but I don’t have the money for it and you could argue that I should start working or doing something to make money, but Im in college right now and it’s been already pretty hard just studying and keeping up with the projects. I kind of tried to kms like 5 times, but every time I ended up giving up after thinking how much my mom and my brother would suffer, I never told anybody this, even my therapist, afraid that she would tell my mom because its “life risking”, I have been depressed since i was 14 and my life only declined since. I have only 1 friend in college and we don’t even talk that much, so I spend most of my days either studying or arguing with myself if its worth to keep on living, I have read peter zapffe and his philosophy is the only thing keeping me alive, its pretty sad and kind of unbelievable but its all i've got, but even then, its so hard to see people socializing, dating and not think about suicide. If it was only about me I would’ve been already dead for a long time, however I can’t help but to think about how much my mother loves me and how much pain I would cause. Of course i would've preferred to not have been born but here I am and i'm kind of trapped in this body until my mom passes away so I could finally kill myself
