stress
Bronze
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2023
- Posts
- 405
- Reputation
- 344
Maybe it's true that you'll never get what you chase in life.
I tried so hard to improve my appearance, I get rated pretty high now (usually like top 5%) but still I'm not good enough for most girls. I dedicate so much time and energy into growing my business so that I can afford to hardmax but it just seems further and further away now that I live on my own and support myself. I'm already 18, who gives a shit if I finally have a good physique and a decent income when I'm in my mid 20's. All this time I just wanted a normal life. I grew up socially isolated with strict fanatical religious parents and had to try and simulate a semi-normal life while lying about every aspect of myself and keeping up an act 24/7. I was also homeschooled. Even despite all these challenges I've managed to develop excellent social skills (the best that I've ever seen among my peers; even with more favorable circumstances), I've been able to grow a business to a livable wage within the past 2 months in a competitive market with my excellent sales abilities.
All of this is to say that it is truly never enough. I am completely alone. My best friends live out of state and I don't look good enough to slay, not that I'd get invited to parties anyway. I wake up, work, and go back to sleep. On a good day. On a bad day I balance work with trying to keep up an act for my family so that I don't get disowned and be even more alone. I don't even know what I want anymore, the only time I feel ok is when I see some sort of progress in my life; money looks etc. All I can do is just keep my head down and keep working on myself, but I can't help but notice I've essentially lost the plot so to speak. I no longer do this for some idea of an end goal, I'm consumed by my regret and I channel it into this endless journey of "self improvement" so that I can look in the rear view mirror one day and see a life full of hard work and discipline and think to myself that if I had a son I'd want him to be just like me. Too bad I was never enough to make it happen.
I tried so hard to improve my appearance, I get rated pretty high now (usually like top 5%) but still I'm not good enough for most girls. I dedicate so much time and energy into growing my business so that I can afford to hardmax but it just seems further and further away now that I live on my own and support myself. I'm already 18, who gives a shit if I finally have a good physique and a decent income when I'm in my mid 20's. All this time I just wanted a normal life. I grew up socially isolated with strict fanatical religious parents and had to try and simulate a semi-normal life while lying about every aspect of myself and keeping up an act 24/7. I was also homeschooled. Even despite all these challenges I've managed to develop excellent social skills (the best that I've ever seen among my peers; even with more favorable circumstances), I've been able to grow a business to a livable wage within the past 2 months in a competitive market with my excellent sales abilities.
All of this is to say that it is truly never enough. I am completely alone. My best friends live out of state and I don't look good enough to slay, not that I'd get invited to parties anyway. I wake up, work, and go back to sleep. On a good day. On a bad day I balance work with trying to keep up an act for my family so that I don't get disowned and be even more alone. I don't even know what I want anymore, the only time I feel ok is when I see some sort of progress in my life; money looks etc. All I can do is just keep my head down and keep working on myself, but I can't help but notice I've essentially lost the plot so to speak. I no longer do this for some idea of an end goal, I'm consumed by my regret and I channel it into this endless journey of "self improvement" so that I can look in the rear view mirror one day and see a life full of hard work and discipline and think to myself that if I had a son I'd want him to be just like me. Too bad I was never enough to make it happen.
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