Excelatory
Bronze
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2026
- Posts
- 463
- Reputation
- 300
I've lost my mother, I've lost several childhood pets, I've lost grandmothers and I've lost friends that I held closer than some would hold their own brothers.
One night a year and a bit ago, I met this one girl online of all places, she was French and we talked for about one hour. She was extremely warm, funny, understanding and so awkward that anytime I didn't know how to continue the conversation it felt natural. She gives me her discord and I tell myself I'll remember it, she logs off but when I remember to type her username out, I don't remember any letter of it. None.
I don't know why an hour long conversation was so meaningful to me compared to all other relationships I've had before. But what followed after that conversation with her was me talking to nice girls, loving people and then they or I leave them, they become horrible, bitter, they worsen themselves and throw themselves into sex with every other man they see.
That one conversation was the only time I ever met a girl who was like the idealized version I make out every situationship to be. Yes, I'm aware she was probably flawed, probably didn't look good, probably was annoying out of that conversation, but I didn't know. I didn't get to know her outside of that and still she was better than any other piece of shit relationship, friendship xship I had after.
It feels like everyone is after money now, bags, cars, clothes, plastic and thread. Nothing "idealized"
matters anymore. None of it. None of the love one is willing to give to the other is enough. It's like a trap that I keep falling into and with each day that I look better I'm only digging myself deeper.
One night a year and a bit ago, I met this one girl online of all places, she was French and we talked for about one hour. She was extremely warm, funny, understanding and so awkward that anytime I didn't know how to continue the conversation it felt natural. She gives me her discord and I tell myself I'll remember it, she logs off but when I remember to type her username out, I don't remember any letter of it. None.
I don't know why an hour long conversation was so meaningful to me compared to all other relationships I've had before. But what followed after that conversation with her was me talking to nice girls, loving people and then they or I leave them, they become horrible, bitter, they worsen themselves and throw themselves into sex with every other man they see.
That one conversation was the only time I ever met a girl who was like the idealized version I make out every situationship to be. Yes, I'm aware she was probably flawed, probably didn't look good, probably was annoying out of that conversation, but I didn't know. I didn't get to know her outside of that and still she was better than any other piece of shit relationship, friendship xship I had after.
It feels like everyone is after money now, bags, cars, clothes, plastic and thread. Nothing "idealized"
matters anymore. None of it. None of the love one is willing to give to the other is enough. It's like a trap that I keep falling into and with each day that I look better I'm only digging myself deeper.
