'I keep talking to my rapist'

[killuacel]

i was raped by someone i had just met about a week ago at a party, he drugged me with xanax and coke and he raped me, i woke up the next day in a fog and felt like maybe i should go to ER and get a kit done, my family knows and so do my friends, the guy who raped me was someone i really liked...so why cant i stop thinking about him?
A couple days after not speaking to him and sobbing over my trauma i texted him which he quickly responded and kept apologizing and apologizing. I didn't forgive him but by allowing us to have conversation it feels like i already did. I had nightmares after the assault about being raped again but after our conversation he said i wanted it, told me when i was drugged out i kept asking HIM for sexual favors? Why dont i remember that? Why did the nurse say i had abarasions and lacerations on my body? Every part of me feels f*cked up and we still text, i still feel like he could be a good guy and its ruining me, im like expecting it to all go away? I just needed somewhere to talk about this I'm so sorry. I dont want to speak to him anymore but part of me feels like i need to.

https://archive.ph/y8hvL#selection-1295.0-1297.783

 

[SickendExistence]

Gay

 

[ihavenightmares]

I had nightmares

@Blasian-K ANA pill..

 

[Littlepickel2]

i was raped by someone i had just met about a week ago at a party, he drugged me with xanax and coke and he raped me, i woke up the next day in a fog and felt like maybe i should go to ER and get a kit done, my family knows and so do my friends, the guy who raped me was someone i really liked...so why cant i stop thinking about him?
A couple days after not speaking to him and sobbing over my trauma i texted him which he quickly responded and kept apologizing and apologizing. I didn't forgive him but by allowing us to have conversation it feels like i already did. I had nightmares after the assault about being raped again but after our conversation he said i wanted it, told me when i was drugged out i kept asking HIM for sexual favors? Why dont i remember that? Why did the nurse say i had abarasions and lacerations on my body? Every part of me feels f*cked up and we still text, i still feel like he could be a good guy and its ruining me, im like expecting it to all go away? I just needed somewhere to talk about this I'm so sorry. I dont want to speak to him anymore but part of me feels like i need to.

https://archive.ph/y8hvL#selection-1295.0-1297.783

Don't worry, not everyone on this forum is an idiotic homophobe. You cannot forgive him; he drugged you, and if the lacerations point to sexual violence, then his actions were 100% deliberate and not requested. Has he been reported yet? Being a "snitch" after someone raped you does not matter; he deserves to pay for his crime. I understand that you have nightmares, and there are multiple things you can do to avoid them. I've heard that sleeping while hugging a pillow or stuffed animal can reduce how vivid the nightmares are; it is helpful to have someone to talk to. Ignore the people who accuse you of being gay (unless you are) because they are too small-minded to understand how not consenting to something means you didn't want it. You did nothing wrong by posting this here. I don't understand the emotional pain you're going through, but I do understand the situation. Stay away from your rapist.