i love my mother but she ruined my life

[hate]

u take IR?

also i meant just making myself happy, but yea i also acknowledge the fact that the other way works asw. that's how i cope with sad shit and encourage others to take their minds off things as well. i use that method a lot

Nah XR. Took 90mg today.

You seem like a chill dude, your reasoning might not be flawless but I do see your logic.

 

[proxxyy11]

you should probably put me on ignore then

a lot of what i speak about is sad because i am a truecel at the end of the day and this is my truth that i wanna talk about

im not that kind of guy who just mopes and is content with being sad forever tho. i am getting better

glad you're getting better but are also able to acknowledge that you do currently mope around a lot and are depressed

i won't put you on ignore because i like you as a user but if i constantly see your depressing threads i might just as well. there's really no benefit for me to read things like that

what are you looking for though? are you not scared that there are others who say they're similar to you and reinforce your negative thoughts? people who might make fun of you for threads like these? or do you simply just want to let all your emotions out so you don't have to continue bottling them in? very confused tbf, why not use an AI like chatgpt for something like that?

sorry just attempting to figure out what your mindset is when typing threads like these

but yeah keep improving understand that there's nobody that actually cares about you in this world but you. you're the only person that can fix your life and you have complete capability and full autonomy to do so. you're literally not dependent on anything else but you and your own mindset. don't say I DNRd the thread (even though, truthfully, i did) i'm just trying to help though sure it may just simply not be my place to attempt to help

just be proud of yourself on how far you came in life

 

[Outlander]

Mompill goes hard

 

[proxxyy11]

Nah XR. Took 90mg today.

You seem like a chill dude, your reasoning might not be flawless but I do see your logic.

oh wtf u gotta be diagnosed ADHD then there's no way

i copped some IR for studying and for college, i'm not diagnosed and i actually do believe i don't have ADHD or am prone in any way

also thanks for understanding, i don't like to think most of my thoughts are convoluted because that seems egocentric (which isn't meant to be) and corny, but I do believe most things I do has deep, confusing reasoning behind it that some do come off as flawed and terrible at the end of the day

 

[iblamejordan1]

she is very strong

always made sure that the necessities were there

food, a bed, clothes etc

and I’ll always be grateful for that

but she was severely neglecting

i remember i cut myself when i was 12 (dealing with some heavy stuff at a young age and was kinda edgy, no my arms aren’t full of scars) and she found out and she just shamed me and gossiped to her friends about how i was an attention seeking brat

was severely socially impaired to the point i would go non verbal a lot of the time and she never took me to get any kind of treatment or therapy, once again dismissed as attention seeking

she herself had a lot of trauma and basically dumped it all on me and my siblings, even a minor mistake such as spilling milk on the floor would lead to a one hour crash out over how she has such a hard life and im only contributing to it

on several occasions from as young as 11 she’s told me how she’s ashamed to call me her son and even made careless jokes about how she should’ve gotten an abortion

there’s a lot more but im not here to spill every minute drop of my fucked up childhood. i forgive all of it and put it past her because at the end of the day she’s my mother, and i also know that she is severely mentally compromised because of her own suffering that she will never understand what she put me through, but if im being honest with myself it was her who set me on this path

she cared too much about her own mental state and her own issues, completely dismissed and neglected any bad signs (and rather added to them) i had growing up. growing up as a neurodivergent and genetically unfortunate child with abusive parents is what made me the truecel i am today.

im not a bitch who will mope and blame it all on my mother, because even if it’s her accountability, at the end of the day it is my life and thus my responsibility. i just wonder had i had a mother who recognised my psychological implications, and did not emotionally torment me my entire childhood, maybe i would’ve turned out different

Nice thread misery

 

[iblamejordan1]

oh wtf u gotta be diagnosed ADHD then there's no way

i copped some IR for studying and for college, i'm not diagnosed and i actually do believe i don't have ADHD or am prone in any way

also thanks for understanding, i don't like to think most of my thoughts are convoluted because that seems egocentric (which isn't meant to be) and corny, but I do believe most things I do has deep, confusing reasoning behind it that some do come off as flawed and terrible at the end of the day

Huh?? Your unban?

 

[hate]

oh wtf u gotta be diagnosed ADHD then there's no way

I’m a retard, they’ll just chuck whatever medicine I want at me. I think the doctors just feel bad for me and let me do my degenerate drugs in peace.

 

[proxxyy11]

Huh?? Your unban?

shit was a long break

 

[proxxyy11]

I’m a retard, they’ll just chuck whatever medicine I want at me. I think the doctors just feel bad for me and let me do my degenerate drugs in peace.

no way addies are ur drug of choice though, what happens when u take a high dosage? is it like any recreational drug atp?

 

[iblamejordan1]

shit was a long break

God damn!! Never tought you would come back how are you

 

[proxxyy11]

God damn!! Never tought you would come back how are you

wtf happened to ur avi nigga

 

[iblamejordan1]

wtf happened to ur avi nigga

Idk i decided to make something « funny » yk

 

[proxxyy11]

Idk i decided to make something « funny » yk

ill pay u to change back

 

[iblamejordan1]

ill pay u to change back

Sure paypal

 

[hate]

no way addies are ur drug of choice though, what happens when u take a high dosage? is it like any recreational drug atp?

Honestly most times I take it, I just end up jerking off for 7 hours straight. It’s my drug of choice because it’s all I really have at the moment. I can take it at school, at family functions, pretty much wherever. Can’t do that with Xanax or similar drugs though.

 

[proxxyy11]

Sure paypal

ill ship u my last test vial

 

[miserycel]

glad you're getting better but are also able to acknowledge that you do currently mope around a lot and are depressed

i won't put you on ignore because i like you as a user but if i constantly see your depressing threads i might just as well. there's really no benefit for me to read things like that

id say 1 in 5 posts are some depressing shit like this. family trauma is just one of many things im battling, but overall im an optimistic depressed person. im in a bad spot, and have been for years but its an uphill battle, i do say a lot that i feel like good things are waiting for me in the future.

what are you looking for though? are you not scared that there are others who say they're similar to you and reinforce your negative thoughts? people who might make fun of you for threads like these? or do you simply just want to let all your emotions out so you don't have to continue bottling them in? very confused tbf, why not use an AI like chatgpt for something like that?

sorry just attempting to figure out what your mindset is when typing threads like these

im mainly just searching for people to relate and grow with because ultimately human connection is one thing ive been denied my entire life and its the one thing I desire the most, obviously for a guy like me its virtually impossible to achieve that irl. I don’t really care if people make fun of me because they always will but all these thoughts have to be released somehow or eventually you’re bound to shoot yourself in the foot. I don’t use AI for these things at all because at the end of the day it’s about talking and connecting with a real human for

“but yeah keep improving understand that there's nobody that actually cares about you in this world but you. you're the only person that can fix your life and you have complete capability and full autonomy to do so. you're literally not dependent on anything else but you and your own mindset. don't say I DNRd the thread (even though, truthfully, i did) i'm just trying to help though sure it may just simply not be my place to attempt to help just be proud of yourself on how far you came in life”

yeah i agree with this. not my accountability but my responsibility. im done with the moping and stagnating because it’s only gotten me further behind in life. im glad to say although my life itself hasn’t improved much, i do have that gut feeling I will be a very different person in 2 years time, and in a good way

 

[proxxyy11]

Honestly most times I take it, I just end up jerking off for 7 hours straight. It’s my drug of choice because it’s all I really have at the moment. I can take it at school, at family functions, pretty much wherever. Can’t do that with Xanax or similar drugs though.

why though

 

[iblamejordan1]

ill pay u to change back

But how tf you got unbanned

ill ship u my last test vial

that would deadass be even better

 

[proxxyy11]

But how tf you got unbanned

nigga i got banned for nothing on god they unbanned me whenever i made a req

that would deadass be even better

change ur avi back first and igu

 

[iblamejordan1]

nigga i got banned for nothing on god they unbanned me whenever i made a req


change ur avi back first and igu

Sure

Yeah frl like i saw your ban thread but for nothing

 

[proxxyy11]

id say 1 in 5 posts are some depressing shit like this. family trauma is just one of many things im battling, but overall im an optimistic depressed person. im in a bad spot, and have been for years but its an uphill battle, i do say a lot that i feel like good things are waiting for me in the future.

people like to deny the fact that they will be happier in the future because they like to act like a "realist" or something corny, though they're mainly just low iq and delusional.

it's inevitable that you'll be happier in the future, there's genuinely 0 doubt

im mainly just searching for people to relate and grow with because ultimately human connection is one thing ive been denied my entire life and its the one thing I desire the most, obviously for a guy like me its virtually impossible to achieve that irl.

did you talk about this in the og post? why have you been denied human connection? are you really autistic? hideous? clarify plz

i also do think human connections are very important in life and are one of the only main motivating factors to continue living, which is a fairly water opinion. but i don't think online connections can really compensate for the fact tbf, since at the end of the day they're genuinely not real.

yeah i agree with this. not my accountability but my responsibility. im done with the moping and stagnating because it’s only gotten me further behind in life. im glad to say although my life itself hasn’t improved much, i do have that gut feeling I will be a very different person in 2 years time, and in a good way

great mindset and unironically having this ideology has you at a much better position in life than most people are in, so you should be fairly proud of yourself. it's always you vs you, it's not you vs others, not you vs mankind, not you vs nature, nothing else. it's you vs your own mindset. not denying the treatment that you had when you were a kid, since obviously that was completely real and at that point it was genuinely you vs people who had the ability to shape your mind. but today, and the future, it's simply you vs you.

you will either be your own downfall or your own success.

 

[proxxyy11]

Sure

Yeah frl like i saw your ban thread but for nothing

holy mogger avi on god i respect u 10x more now holy shit miring miring miringn

 

[iblamejordan1]

holy mogger avi on god i respect u 10x more now holy shit miring miring miringn

Mirin? Now wheres my test

 

[proxxyy11]

Mirin? Now wheres my test

pinning it rn mb

 

[iblamejordan1]

pinning it rn mb

All good im happy you came back

 

[proxxyy11]

All good im happy you came back

thanks bhai

 

[miserycel]

people like to deny the fact that they will be happier in the future because they like to act like a "realist" or something corny, though they're mainly just low iq and delusional.

it's inevitable that you'll be happier in the future, there's genuinely 0 doubt

yeah that’s true, i just have the innate feeling in me that everything will turn out alright

did you talk about this in the og post? why have you been denied human connection? are you really autistic? hideous? clarify plz

i have autism and adhd. im also LTN. put these two things together combined with a shitty childhood and i basically came out very flawed. it’s hard for me to connect to people even on a surface level. way too highly inhibited to talk about even 1% of what i talk about on here, im socially isolated to the max

i also do think human connections are very important in life and are one of the only main motivating factors to continue living, which is a fairly water opinion. but i don't think online connections can really compensate for the fact tbf, since at the end of the day they're genuinely not real.

i get where you’re coming from, but for me it’s better than nothing. I only have so many friends, and all of them are blue pilled normies who just cannot understand where im coming from. Everytime ive tried to open up about the smallest thing they just reply with some superficial filler comment like “damn sorry bro” or “it’s okay don’t deep it” just provide nothing of substance so I stopped. can’t talk to family for reasons this thread explains. don’t have a LTR either so im basically on my own. would rather just talk on here in the meantime whilst i get my life on its feet off screen.

great mindset and unironically having this ideology has you at a much better position in life than most people are in, so you should be fairly proud of yourself. it's always you vs you, it's not you vs others, not you vs mankind, not you vs nature, nothing else. it's you vs your own mindset. not denying the treatment that you had when you were a kid, since obviously that was completely real and at that point it was genuinely you vs people who had the ability to shape your mind. but today, and the future, it's simply you vs you.

you will either be your own downfall or your own success.

100% agree, i know all along it’s all in my hands. im already on the path of improving my looks, getting on things like pregab and elvanse to make myself somewhat socially capable and around October times im planning to get into therapy. gonna be doing other misc stuff like getting a job for cash + more social interaction and things like modafinil and semax to help my adhd brain in studies. I knew from a very young age i was all alone and had no saving grace, but im at the age now where im basically an adult, these next years are crucial for me otherwise I’ll genuinely have to rope

 

[proxxyy11]

yeah that’s true, i just have the innate feeling in me that everything will turn out alright

i have autism and adhd. im also LTN. put these two things together combined with a shitty childhood and i basically came out very flawed. it’s hard for me to connect to people even on a surface level. way too highly inhibited to talk about even 1% of what i talk about on here, im socially isolated to the max

i get where you’re coming from, but for me it’s better than nothing. I only have so many friends, and all of them are blue pilled normies who just cannot understand where im coming from. Everytime ive tried to open up about the smallest thing they just reply with some superficial filler comment like “damn sorry bro” or “it’s okay don’t deep it” just provide nothing of substance so I stopped. can’t talk to family for reasons this thread explains. don’t have a LTR either so im basically on my own. would rather just talk on here in the meantime whilst i get my life on its feet off screen.

100% agree, i know all along it’s all in my hands. im already on the path of improving my looks, getting on things like pregab and elvanse to make myself somewhat socially capable and around October times im planning to get into therapy. gonna be doing other misc stuff like getting a job for cash + more social interaction and things like modafinil and semax to help my adhd brain in studies. I knew from a very young age i was all alone and had no saving grace, but im at the age now where im basically an adult, these next years are crucial for me otherwise I’ll genuinely have to rope

miring self improvement, looks like you know exactly how to fix your insecurities and your mental health and you're on the right path

your friends sound fucking low iq and retarded lmaoo, just find new ones. you being ltn has no part in it but perhaps your autistic tendencies do (are you actually diagnosed or self-diagnosed?) also I don't think ADHD matters in that sense tbf, in fact most people with ADHD that I know are more outgoing and talk to more people and are able to easily make connections.

glad you're taking care of your brain w pharmas tho, perhaps get on pills that counteract social anxiety? might be a positive ROI for you.

everything will turn out alright, just improve all your flaws one by one.

also tbf it is very easy to find likeminded people on this site so i don't blame you, but just keep reminding yourself that these are fake relationships/interactions, none of these people are your irl friends. they could be fake for all you know. attaching to screens and people beyond physical interaction will genuinely lead you to hell.

the depressing childhood you had will forever make you a hurt dog for a little part of your life, but you will always be able to continue improving yourself and eventually find happiness, it's fairly easy for you (especially considering that you're very very self aware). the mind never stops growing, shape it however you want it to.

therapy is amazing for you btw, that's the person you can genuinely start talking to and forming a real connection with other than fake people online. although a relationship with a therapist may seem like a facade on the outside, there's someone real listening to you all the time and taking in everything you're talking about and you can see their reactions and responses in real time. which is way healthier than anything else tbh

wishing u success and the best of luck to your life. there's no doubt in my mind that you'll reach where you want to be, you sound intellectual and capable.

kind of a rant and just spilled all my thoughts out

 

[miserycel]

miring self improvement, looks like you know exactly how to fix your insecurities and your mental health and you're on the right path

your friends sound fucking low iq and retarded lmaoo, just find new ones. you being ltn has no part in it but perhaps your autistic tendencies do (are you actually diagnosed or self-diagnosed?) also I don't think ADHD matters in that sense tbf, in fact most people with ADHD that I know are more outgoing and talk to more people and are able to easily make connections.

glad you're taking care of your brain w pharmas tho, perhaps get on pills that counteract social anxiety? might be a positive ROI for you.

everything will turn out alright, just improve all your flaws one by one.

also tbf it is very easy to find likeminded people on this site so i don't blame you, but just keep reminding yourself that these are fake relationships/interactions, none of these people are your irl friends. they could be fake for all you know. attaching to screens and people beyond physical interaction will genuinely lead you to hell.

the depressing childhood you had will forever make you a hurt dog for a little part of your life, but you will always be able to continue improving yourself and eventually find happiness, it's fairly easy for you (especially considering that you're very very self aware). the mind never stops growing, shape it however you want it to.

therapy is amazing for you btw, that's the person you can genuinely start talking to and forming a real connection with other than fake people online. although a relationship with a therapist may seem like a facade on the outside, there's someone real listening to you all the time and taking in everything you're talking about and you can see their reactions and responses in real time. which is way healthier than anything else tbh

wishing u success and the best of luck to your life. there's no doubt in my mind that you'll reach where you want to be, you sound intellectual and capable.

kind of a rant and just spilled all my thoughts out

thanks man, appreciate it

im diagnosed, i spoke about it before was diagnosed as a kid but then moved countries and never got any treatment there. since I already got my diagnosis that’s why in October im planning to go get the treatment i need and get into therapy. i would make new friends but its tough for me. that’s why i kinda hang onto them because maybe they could help me meet new people. i think the ADHD mainly just limits me in actual progress. gets hard to do the things you need to when your brain in constantly jumping from one thing to another, it’s more so the autism which socially impairs me.

yeah that’s the plan. I’ll probably abuse pregab to lower my inhibition, i think exposure therapy and going to see a real therapist will definitely help in that realm too.

yeah i agree, I already made the mistake a few years back of getting too attached to this online community i was in and i got doxxed never again jfl

yeah the self awareness is one thing ive got on my side. it makes it unbearable to live through but so much easier to climb out of


i do agree with your therapy point. I’ve never actually talked about my real feelings to someone without completely masking everything so i think even if it’s a professional space, to just tell a real human face to face about what’s going through my mind will genuinely be revolutionary for my life

thanks a lot man i genuinely appreciate you, im wishing you the best in whatever you may be going through also. it’s a tough life but i suppose that makes getting to the finish line feel all that much better.

 

[proxxyy11]

thanks man, appreciate it

im diagnosed, i spoke about it before was diagnosed as a kid but then moved countries and never got any treatment there. since I already got my diagnosis that’s why in October im planning to go get the treatment i need and get into therapy. i would make new friends but its tough for me. that’s why i kinda hang onto them because maybe they could help me meet new people. i think the ADHD mainly just limits me in actual progress. gets hard to do the things you need to when your brain in constantly jumping from one thing to another, it’s more so the autism which socially impairs me.

yeah that’s the plan. I’ll probably abuse pregab to lower my inhibition, i think exposure therapy and going to see a real therapist will definitely help in that realm too.

yeah i agree, I already made the mistake a few years back of getting too attached to this online community i was in and i got doxxed never again jfl

yeah the self awareness is one thing ive got on my side. it makes it unbearable to live through but so much easier to climb out of


i do agree with your therapy point. I’ve never actually talked about my real feelings to someone without completely masking everything so i think even if it’s a professional space, to just tell a real human face to face about what’s going through my mind will genuinely be revolutionary for my life

thanks a lot man i genuinely appreciate you, im wishing you the best in whatever you may be going through also. it’s a tough life but i suppose that makes getting to the finish line feel all that much better.

we will all get through the hardships and reach bliss

 

[Swarthy Knight]

Dnr but I can oddly relate. Love my mom, but she raised me to be a soft empathetic cuck so that I good karma max