i really wanna be raped

[Vermilioncore]

20F and i was sexually abused when i was a child for 6 years straight. i’ve also been sexually assaulted multiple times in my teens.

that definitely fucked me up and i’ve attempted suicide over those instances. however the idea of me being raped has been so arousing to me that i’m honestly disgusted with myself.

in my teens (15-17) i will have these episodes where i would leave the house and roam the streets in the middle of the night hoping that i will get lured and raped by an older man. i’ve also willingly gotten into strangers cars.

i also watch and get aroused by super rough sex porn or masked intruder type videos and have tried to find actual real rape videos online.

i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.

i feel so fucking disgusting and im horrified and ashamed with these thoughts. they feel so strong and im too afraid to even talk about this with my therapist (who already knows about my sexual abuse). i haven’t told anyone about this because i know its so fucking weird and unhealthy and i’m scared of being judged, rightfully so.

idk what the fuck is wrong with me

 

[Vermilioncore]

You’re not alone.

You have the exact same story as mine but I’m a decade and a half older than you. I remember sneaking into bars from 20-22 looking for a hookup that would give me what I was looking for. I carried so much weight in my heart for maybe up until a few years ago. I destroyed my life many times before I found a life that was what I needed.

Actually over time it was repressed until I got pregnant with my first kid, and so many dark things resurfaced.

But, lovely OP, it is worth everything.

Win my darkest moments I had to remind myself the world is wide. I may never be a famous rockstar (I self harmed and hated myself so much) but I continued to keep music as a thread in my life—even if I play or sing for myself alone. I hope you find your outlet for beauty.

But yes, I became addicted to sex in a way that I think I needed to exert control. I ended up specifically targeting older guys at your age to explore my sexuality with—particularly ones with similar appetites but happened to be ‘safe’ and maybe pretty nerdy actually. You know what I mean. And maybe those guys didn’t end up being right but the safety to explore with someone I trusted kept me from really destroying myself. I appreciate them for what they’ve given me.

Be smart. Stay safe. Seek joy. Globe trot for as long as you can, even alone, but keep your wits about you.

I wish you strength.

 

[LancasteR]

 

[Luffymaxxing]

Rape me

 

[PsychoDsk]

I'll help her

 

[Youㅤ]

i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.

Jfl at that soy cuck. I need a girl like that

 

[the_nextDavidLaid]

Jfl at that soy cuck. I need a girl like that

im getting so horny man it’s unreal

 

[vermillioncorefan]

why do i hate this world and every person in it

 

[not__cel]

20F and i was sexually abused when i was a child for 6 years straight. i’ve also been sexually assaulted multiple times in my teens.

that definitely fucked me up and i’ve attempted suicide over those instances. however the idea of me being raped has been so arousing to me that i’m honestly disgusted with myself.

in my teens (15-17) i will have these episodes where i would leave the house and roam the streets in the middle of the night hoping that i will get lured and raped by an older man. i’ve also willingly gotten into strangers cars.

i also watch and get aroused by super rough sex porn or masked intruder type videos and have tried to find actual real rape videos online.

i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.

i feel so fucking disgusting and im horrified and ashamed with these thoughts. they feel so strong and im too afraid to even talk about this with my therapist (who already knows about my sexual abuse). i haven’t told anyone about this because i know its so fucking weird and unhealthy and i’m scared of being judged, rightfully so.

idk what the fuck is wrong with me

I didn’t read the 20f and though you were a fag jfl

 

[Deleted member 55345]

20F and i was sexually abused when i was a child for 6 years straight. i’ve also been sexually assaulted multiple times in my teens.

that definitely fucked me up and i’ve attempted suicide over those instances. however the idea of me being raped has been so arousing to me that i’m honestly disgusted with myself.

in my teens (15-17) i will have these episodes where i would leave the house and roam the streets in the middle of the night hoping that i will get lured and raped by an older man. i’ve also willingly gotten into strangers cars.

i also watch and get aroused by super rough sex porn or masked intruder type videos and have tried to find actual real rape videos online.

i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.

i feel so fucking disgusting and im horrified and ashamed with these thoughts. they feel so strong and im too afraid to even talk about this with my therapist (who already knows about my sexual abuse). i haven’t told anyone about this because i know its so fucking weird and unhealthy and i’m scared of being judged, rightfully so.

idk what the fuck is wrong with me

Link original post so I can give her what she desires

 

[Deleted member]

20F and i was sexually abused when i was a child for 6 years straight. i’ve also been sexually assaulted multiple times in my teens.

that definitely fucked me up and i’ve attempted suicide over those instances. however the idea of me being raped has been so arousing to me that i’m honestly disgusted with myself.

in my teens (15-17) i will have these episodes where i would leave the house and roam the streets in the middle of the night hoping that i will get lured and raped by an older man. i’ve also willingly gotten into strangers cars.

i also watch and get aroused by super rough sex porn or masked intruder type videos and have tried to find actual real rape videos online.

i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.

i feel so fucking disgusting and im horrified and ashamed with these thoughts. they feel so strong and im too afraid to even talk about this with my therapist (who already knows about my sexual abuse). i haven’t told anyone about this because i know its so fucking weird and unhealthy and i’m scared of being judged, rightfully so.

idk what the fuck is wrong with me

that’s legit why whores “go for a walk at night” for muh reading a book jfl…

fuckkk rape is everything

 

[Zeruel]

Many girls belong on gore sites

 

[Failedtruecel_]

You’re not alone.

You have the exact same story as mine but I’m a decade and a half older than you. I remember sneaking into bars from 20-22 looking for a hookup that would give me what I was looking for. I carried so much weight in my heart for maybe up until a few years ago. I destroyed my life many times before I found a life that was what I needed.

Actually over time it was repressed until I got pregnant with my first kid, and so many dark things resurfaced.

But, lovely OP, it is worth everything.

Win my darkest moments I had to remind myself the world is wide. I may never be a famous rockstar (I self harmed and hated myself so much) but I continued to keep music as a thread in my life—even if I play or sing for myself alone. I hope you find your outlet for beauty.

But yes, I became addicted to sex in a way that I think I needed to exert control. I ended up specifically targeting older guys at your age to explore my sexuality with—particularly ones with similar appetites but happened to be ‘safe’ and maybe pretty nerdy actually. You know what I mean. And maybe those guys didn’t end up being right but the safety to explore with someone I trusted kept me from really destroying myself. I appreciate them for what they’ve given me.

Be smart. Stay safe. Seek joy. Globe trot for as long as you can, even alone, but keep your wits about you.

I wish you strength.

What city and state do you live in?