Vermilioncore
god make my life great inc
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
- Posts
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20F and i was sexually abused when i was a child for 6 years straight. i’ve also been sexually assaulted multiple times in my teens.
that definitely fucked me up and i’ve attempted suicide over those instances. however the idea of me being raped has been so arousing to me that i’m honestly disgusted with myself.
in my teens (15-17) i will have these episodes where i would leave the house and roam the streets in the middle of the night hoping that i will get lured and raped by an older man. i’ve also willingly gotten into strangers cars.
i also watch and get aroused by super rough sex porn or masked intruder type videos and have tried to find actual real rape videos online.
i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.
i feel so fucking disgusting and im horrified and ashamed with these thoughts. they feel so strong and im too afraid to even talk about this with my therapist (who already knows about my sexual abuse). i haven’t told anyone about this because i know its so fucking weird and unhealthy and i’m scared of being judged, rightfully so.
idk what the fuck is wrong with me
that definitely fucked me up and i’ve attempted suicide over those instances. however the idea of me being raped has been so arousing to me that i’m honestly disgusted with myself.
in my teens (15-17) i will have these episodes where i would leave the house and roam the streets in the middle of the night hoping that i will get lured and raped by an older man. i’ve also willingly gotten into strangers cars.
i also watch and get aroused by super rough sex porn or masked intruder type videos and have tried to find actual real rape videos online.
i’ve been doing hookups recently and had the courage to ask a guy i met on a dating app if he can beat me during sex and pretend to rape me. this ended up scaring the shit outta him and he blocked me.
i feel so fucking disgusting and im horrified and ashamed with these thoughts. they feel so strong and im too afraid to even talk about this with my therapist (who already knows about my sexual abuse). i haven’t told anyone about this because i know its so fucking weird and unhealthy and i’m scared of being judged, rightfully so.
idk what the fuck is wrong with me