j_ffrey
Iron
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2025
- Posts
- 27
- Reputation
- 25
i wish i did more in my early teen years. i wasted them.
13 years old
at 13, i had done nothing. summer 2022, i spoke to nobody. i had my hair grown out so you couldn’t see my eyes. i had my hoodie on to cover up my body. i had my hoodie hood on to cover up my hair. i wore a black mask to cover my face. and i wore my glasses to cover up some of my eyes. i hated to be seen. i thought i was so ugly so i hid my face from the world.
i barely talked to anyone. except this one girl, maya. i would text her all day long. she was the first person to ever tell me “i love you.” we stopped being friends in march 2023. at 14. in summer of 2023, i had cut off most of my hair. my hair had gone long enough to cover my eyes and some of my nose. i cut it to my eyebrows. i had stopped wearing a mask, and a hoodie. that summer, was my best summer ever. i actually, lived. i got rid of my antisocial tendencies. i started talking to people. i started talking to girls. i had a lot of friends because i started to look better and people actually wanted to talk to me.
in late august, i met another girl. in october, she liked me, and i liked her. but something told me that i wasn’t mature enough to be in a relationship. so that ended up me leading her on, by accident until late november. i had thought she wronged me, even though my actions were the ones that ruined her. and i hated her, for some reason. so i blocked her.
that experience made me binge eat. from december 2023 to february 2024, i had gained 30lbs and i was in the ugliest state ever.
15 years old
i had no friends.
in summer of 2024, june, i was walking to the gym. because i was trying to lose weight. i had gotten bullied relentlessly throughout my grade 9 year. during that walk, a wave of sorrow went over me. i realized how disgusting i looked.
i didn’t hang out with a single person that summer. it was just me alone.
i spent that entire summer either at the gym, walking around my neighborhood, or in my room. there was no inbetween.
by the end of the summer, i had lost my ability to socialize. i was terrible at eye contact. i barely spoke. i became quiet again. i had lost the weight, but i also lost most of my friends.
16 years old
I somehow got a long distance girlfriend.
I saw her ~5 times in the span of 3 months. i thought she was the love of my life. i attached myself deeply to her; she was my entire life. i put my everything into that relationship.
but then, of course, it didn’t matter in the end. as it all came down to looks.
in july 2025, she found a guy on her university first years page. she just got into university and was stalking that instagram account. he looked significantly better than me (i would rate myself hltn-lmtn) and he was mtn. so while she was in a relationship with me, she was talking to this guy.
she eventually broke up with me shortly after. but she was evil. she pretended like she cared, like she still loved me, like she only broke up with me because it was ‘long distance.’ in reality, obviously, someone better came along and she couldn’t pass up on the opportunity.
during that summer, all i did was cry and cry and cry over her. once again, i didn’t hang out with anyone or socialize. all i did was sit in my bathtub, scroll in my bed, and go to the gym. i would walk while crying so loud, hoping someone would check on me. i couldn’t hold back the tears. i was so depressed over her i couldn’t eat. i lost 10lbs. i lost progress in the gym. and i wasted my summer doing nothing except LDAR.
17 years old
now, my teens are almost over.
since last summer, i’ve achieved nothing.
i cry, and cry. every single night. sometimes i cry hard, hoping someone would notice me. someone to check on me. but nobody ever does. i cry so much, in my bathtub, in my bed. i go in those 2 places to simulate being held or body warmth from another person. i cant sleep without a blanket.
the last few months have been blurred together as the same day just repeats over and over again.
i’ve became more and more obsessed with my looks and i can’t look in the mirror without almost throwing up.
i just want to be loved.
tldr; i wasted my most important and got caught in a cycle of depression, all due to lookism
13 years old
at 13, i had done nothing. summer 2022, i spoke to nobody. i had my hair grown out so you couldn’t see my eyes. i had my hoodie on to cover up my body. i had my hoodie hood on to cover up my hair. i wore a black mask to cover my face. and i wore my glasses to cover up some of my eyes. i hated to be seen. i thought i was so ugly so i hid my face from the world.
i barely talked to anyone. except this one girl, maya. i would text her all day long. she was the first person to ever tell me “i love you.” we stopped being friends in march 2023. at 14. in summer of 2023, i had cut off most of my hair. my hair had gone long enough to cover my eyes and some of my nose. i cut it to my eyebrows. i had stopped wearing a mask, and a hoodie. that summer, was my best summer ever. i actually, lived. i got rid of my antisocial tendencies. i started talking to people. i started talking to girls. i had a lot of friends because i started to look better and people actually wanted to talk to me.
in late august, i met another girl. in october, she liked me, and i liked her. but something told me that i wasn’t mature enough to be in a relationship. so that ended up me leading her on, by accident until late november. i had thought she wronged me, even though my actions were the ones that ruined her. and i hated her, for some reason. so i blocked her.
that experience made me binge eat. from december 2023 to february 2024, i had gained 30lbs and i was in the ugliest state ever.
15 years old
i had no friends.
in summer of 2024, june, i was walking to the gym. because i was trying to lose weight. i had gotten bullied relentlessly throughout my grade 9 year. during that walk, a wave of sorrow went over me. i realized how disgusting i looked.
i didn’t hang out with a single person that summer. it was just me alone.
i spent that entire summer either at the gym, walking around my neighborhood, or in my room. there was no inbetween.
by the end of the summer, i had lost my ability to socialize. i was terrible at eye contact. i barely spoke. i became quiet again. i had lost the weight, but i also lost most of my friends.
16 years old
I somehow got a long distance girlfriend.
I saw her ~5 times in the span of 3 months. i thought she was the love of my life. i attached myself deeply to her; she was my entire life. i put my everything into that relationship.
but then, of course, it didn’t matter in the end. as it all came down to looks.
in july 2025, she found a guy on her university first years page. she just got into university and was stalking that instagram account. he looked significantly better than me (i would rate myself hltn-lmtn) and he was mtn. so while she was in a relationship with me, she was talking to this guy.
she eventually broke up with me shortly after. but she was evil. she pretended like she cared, like she still loved me, like she only broke up with me because it was ‘long distance.’ in reality, obviously, someone better came along and she couldn’t pass up on the opportunity.
during that summer, all i did was cry and cry and cry over her. once again, i didn’t hang out with anyone or socialize. all i did was sit in my bathtub, scroll in my bed, and go to the gym. i would walk while crying so loud, hoping someone would check on me. i couldn’t hold back the tears. i was so depressed over her i couldn’t eat. i lost 10lbs. i lost progress in the gym. and i wasted my summer doing nothing except LDAR.
17 years old
now, my teens are almost over.
since last summer, i’ve achieved nothing.
i cry, and cry. every single night. sometimes i cry hard, hoping someone would notice me. someone to check on me. but nobody ever does. i cry so much, in my bathtub, in my bed. i go in those 2 places to simulate being held or body warmth from another person. i cant sleep without a blanket.
the last few months have been blurred together as the same day just repeats over and over again.
i’ve became more and more obsessed with my looks and i can’t look in the mirror without almost throwing up.
i just want to be loved.
tldr; i wasted my most important and got caught in a cycle of depression, all due to lookism
Last edited:
( maybe once i get a rhino ill try
