I wish I never experienced how good life could be

[yvessss]

I didn't realize how bad my life was until I experienced how good life could be. It's like God gave me a taste of heaven and took it away from me, which is way worse because I used to be okay with my life since I didn't know any better, but now I'm aware of how much it sucks and everything feels pointless.

Before you tell me to ascend to get the life I want, that's not how things work, there are certain things you simply can not control and that's what I'm talking about. I'm still ascending to increase my chances of getting what I want, but at the end of the day it's all luck.

 

[nobodylovesme]

same here. it pretty much comes to luck if you don't have social-circles or other stuff that's missing. you're just stuck in the limbo waiting for something ot happen. it's hard to justify trying hard when there isn't a clear reward (last time was pure luck)

 

[mustfye]

I didn't realize how bad my life was until I experienced how good life could be. It's like God gave me a taste of heaven and took it away from me, which is way worse because I used to be okay with my life since I didn't know any better, but now I'm aware of how much it sucks and everything feels pointless.

Before you tell me to ascend to get the life I want, that's not how things work, there are certain things you simply can not control and that's what I'm talking about. I'm still ascending to increase my chances of getting what I want, but at the end of the day it's all luck.

ikr, experienced a semi decent social life in yr 11 and ever since then it turned to shit lol. in 1st yr uni currently with no friends and i hate my life and myself. mainly depends on genetics and ur social circle growing up so now im jus waiting to die and go heaven hopefully

 

[yvessss]

same here. it pretty much comes to luck if you don't have social-circles or other stuff that's missing. you're just stuck in the limbo waiting for something ot happen. it's hard to justify trying hard when there isn't a clear reward (last time was pure luck)

Family, social circle, support systems, love, money etc. While ascending I realized how much I was lacking in all of these things, it's like the better I became, the worse I felt. I guess it was the awareness that got me. While I'm still working my way up, I don't think I will ever be happy or feel okay. Everyday feels painful because I have to fight my nature/upbringing to be normal and to have a good life. It's been like this for years and I've came a long way but damn it hurts to just live a normal life because this isn't natural for me.

 

[yvessss]

ikr, experienced a semi decent social life in yr 11 and ever since then it turned to shit lol. in 1st yr uni currently with no friends and i hate my life and myself. mainly depends on genetics and ur social circle growing up so now im jus waiting to die and go heaven hopefully

Honestly I've been there and I thought I was going to lose my mind (like I genuinely started hearing voices), but after I got the social circle and the things I wanted, I actually felt even worse because it revealed the trauma I built up. I feel uncomfortable and anxious when people like me, or if I'm finding success in something. And I also just gained more awareness, I realized how much I lack in terms of family, social circle, upbringing, support systems, money etc. I didn't know these things before.

Also btw, second year in uni is when I made actual friends. Keep trying, you never know.

 

[mustfye]

Honestly I've been there and I thought I was going to lose my mind (like I genuinely started hearing voices), but after I got the social circle and the things I wanted, I actually felt even worse because it revealed the trauma I built up. I feel uncomfortable and anxious when people like me, or if I'm finding success in something. And I also just gained more awareness, I realized how much I lack in terms of family, social circle, upbringing, support systems, money etc. I didn't know these things before.

Also btw, second year in uni is when I made actual friends. Keep trying, you never know.

ik what u mean bro i feel the same but tbh theres not much u can do when u severely lack in everything compared to the people u grew up with haha, its better to be aware of the truth than to be delusional and keep chasing hope

 

[yvessss]

ik what u mean bro i feel the same but tbh theres not much u can do when u severely lack in everything compared to the people u grew up with haha, its better to be aware of the truth than to be delusional and keep chasing hope

I'm still chasing hope, but I'm trying to stop hiding the fact that I'm a freak, like I'm intentionally trying to let people see that I'm weird because I used to hide it and it worked. But if people don't accept me as I am, it hurts but I don't want to hide being weird anymore. Coming across as NT is exhausting for me and I refuse to do that anymore (well I try to not do that anymore), I still pussy out and try to act normal, but I'm trying to just be me.