I'm a horrible person

[Spiritualcell]

I've been a burden on the public healthcare system since I was 12.
I don't know how much tax-payer money I've drained, but I'd guess between $50,000 and $100,000.
Even if I do get a job and pay taxes, I will still make society worse by manipulating, cheating, and doing other things that I can't mention.
In a utilitarian sense, I will only make the world worse. If the government kidnapped me and euthanized me without anyone knowing, the world would become just a slightly better place to live in.
That also applies to my siblings. I'm not sure how my parents managed to create four nasty fiends that just take and never give.
My parents were fairly average parents, so I'm guessing it's their genes and not so much parenting.
It's clear for anyone to see that my siblings are horrible people, even when they're putting on a mask. I can only imagine what they're like without the mask.
They might be even worse than me.

The thing is, I don't feel bad about this. If there isn't a god, there's rationally no reason why I wouldn't hurt people if it benefited me.
My tax-paid psychiatrist and psychologist are working to rehabilitate me into society; they don't know that they're actually giving me tools that are going to help me get my way.
As far as everyone knows, I'm just a normal guy who's struggling with schizotypal personality disorder.
For me, it's best that it stays that way.
I've been told many times that I shouldn't commit suicide and that I've got people who care about me. Would these people say the same thing if they knew who I really am?

@chaddyboi66

 

[Dr. Bludy]

Youre a nobody

 

[Deleted member 19174]

Even at my lois...

 

[St.TikTokcel]

I've been a burden on the public healthcare system since I was 12.
I don't know how much tax-payer money I've drained, but I'd guess between $50,000 and $100,000.
Even if I do get a job and pay taxes, I will still make society worse by manipulating, cheating, and doing other things that I can't mention.
In a utilitarian sense, I will only make the world worse. If the government kidnapped me and euthanized me without anyone knowing, the world would become just a slightly better place to live in.
That also applies to my siblings. I'm not sure how my parents managed to create four nasty fiends that just take and never give.
My parents were fairly average parents, so I'm guessing it's their genes and not so much parenting.
It's clear for anyone to see that my siblings are horrible people, even when they're putting on a mask. I can only imagine what they're like without the mask.
They might be even worse than me.

The thing is, I don't feel bad about this. If there isn't a god, there's rationally no reason why I wouldn't hurt people if it benefited me.
My tax-paid psychiatrist and psychologist are working to rehabilitate me into society; they don't know that they're actually giving me tools that are going to help me get my way.
As far as everyone knows, I'm just a normal guy who's struggling with schizotypal personality disorder.
For me, it's best that it stays that way.
I've been told many times that I shouldn't commit suicide and that I've got people who care about me. Would these people say the same thing if they knew who I really am?

@chaddyboi66

You deserve every penny that you're getting.

 

[chaddyboi66]

I've been a burden on the public healthcare system since I was 12.
I don't know how much tax-payer money I've drained, but I'd guess between $50,000 and $100,000.
Even if I do get a job and pay taxes, I will still make society worse by manipulating, cheating, and doing other things that I can't mention.
In a utilitarian sense, I will only make the world worse. If the government kidnapped me and euthanized me without anyone knowing, the world would become just a slightly better place to live in.
That also applies to my siblings. I'm not sure how my parents managed to create four nasty fiends that just take and never give.
My parents were fairly average parents, so I'm guessing it's their genes and not so much parenting.
It's clear for anyone to see that my siblings are horrible people, even when they're putting on a mask. I can only imagine what they're like without the mask.
They might be even worse than me.

Do you think this of yourself or is it what you believe others might think of you should they ever take a closer look at you?

If it's the former then stop caring about it. If it's the latter do something to improve your image then stop caring about it.

Either way you ought to just focus on accomplishing your goals in life.

The thing is, I don't feel bad about this. If there isn't a god, there's rationally no reason why I wouldn't hurt people if it benefited me.
My tax-paid psychiatrist and psychologist are working to rehabilitate me into society; they don't know that they're actually giving me tools that are going to help me get my way.
As far as everyone knows, I'm just a normal guy who's struggling with schizotypal personality disorder.
For me, it's best that it stays that way.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks they're really doing for you, because the doctors are still helping you either way in the end even if it's not how they necessarily intended.

Other people thinking you're just a schizo will also play into your favour by garnering sympathy and excusing any social mishaps or non-NT type shortcomings.

I've been told many times that I shouldn't commit suicide and that I've got people who care about me. Would these people say the same thing if they knew who I really am?

@chaddyboi66

Do you really even want to be a good person?

If not, then don't worry about whether or not other people would still want you around.

If so though, then try taking your doctor's advice to heart and don't worry about it too much, since it's something you can't really change very easily or quickly.

Youre a nobody

In a way he's right @Spiͯriͯtualcel.

I don't restate what he says to try to put you down or to say you don't matter, but rather just to show you how at the end of the day you're just a normal person albeit with some issues.

Even from an outside perspective, although you have issues they're largely confined to just you, and as such aren't something that would negatively affect those around you. So there's no genuine reason as to why anyone would have to worry about them in the first place, meaning they aren't worth stressing over in the slightest.

At the end of the day...

You're somebody just like everyone else.

I'm a horrible person​

So what?

Most people are.

If you care about that then be less of one than others.

If you don't then why state what you already know [or believe]?

Either way stop worrying about this, and before you try telling me you don't care about it just know: you never would've made this thread in the first place if you didn't really care.

I won't just tell you to do what you want, but rather to do what you think you should instead.