I’m so attached to “normal”

[Prøphet]

I hate the unfamiliar but I love it, I wish I didn’t feel uncomfortable doing new things, it’s like whenever I’m doing something out of the norm I start to panic and then try to grasp onto my old ways and my old “normal”, but I want nothing to do with that, to create something new the old must die, but how to detach from something when every fiber of your being latches on out of instinct, my heart wants to grow but my body and my mind claw onto the past and how the world wants me to live, I feel like a slave to myself, or at least some huge part of me that goes against the strongest part of me, my essence is outgrowing the rest of who I am and Idk what to do with it except live in this pendulum state where nothing at all ends up happening.

 

[Nexom]

Sounds like very natural behavior to me. There are fun things that take some balls if you're not used to them, and some things which are fun but also risky. I'd never do stuff like rock climbing, parkour or cliff diving

 

[Prøphet]

Sounds like very natural behavior to me. There are fun things that take some balls if you're not used to them, and some things which are fun but also risky. I'd never do stuff like rock climbing, parkour or cliff diving

True but for me it’s to the extreme, like even just taking a trip somewhere or doing something mundane discourages me if it feels like a departure from my usual self, deep down I really do want to do these things but it’s like something overwhelming wants to stop me and enforces a rigid compliance with a boring “normal” life

 

[Nexom]

True but for me it’s to the extreme, like even just taking a trip somewhere or doing something mundane discourages me if it feels like a departure from my usual self, deep down I really do want to do these things but it’s like something overwhelming wants to stop me and enforces a rigid compliance with a boring “normal” life

Everyone has their own threshold, you could be feeling this in regards to simply going outside or you could be the person that gets this feeling when thinking about climbing the Everest. I'd guess it all depends on how you grew up, your brain chemistry, etc. My experience with this feeling is you either slowly get to it one step at a time with a specific goal in mind, or you go all-in to break the cycle. Trying to make it seem normal and doing it "sometimes" has been detrimental compared to the former options. Good luck.