Is using the threat of I'll leave you if do this good thing in relationship?

[Jason Voorhees]

Title.

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@imontheloose @Daddy's Home

 

[chang cypionate]

Your asking relationship questions on org?

 

[yyk117]

use a comma or "" bro im too retarded to understand where the sentence stops

 

[Jason Voorhees]

Your asking relationship questions on org?

I sometimes use this card if she is not listening to me and is trying to cross boundaries but I don't do it regularly. I don't like making her cry.

 

[isis_Bleach]

it’s better to just beat her

 

[InanimatePragmatist]

Title.

What? I think you meant "Is threatening your partner with the threat of abandonment; is healthy or useful for a relationship?"
No, it is mentally ill.

 

[Mr Trucel]

It’s stupid, saying they’ll leave you over a small decision. They’ll probably looking for an excuse or something.

 

[Jason Voorhees]

What? I think you meant "Is threatening your partner with the threat of abandonment; is healthy or useful for a relationship?"
No, it is mentally ill.

I don't like doing it but sometimes I need to set strong boundaries. I don't care if I come off as insecure. My gf is my gf and she won't be touched by any man other than me.

 

[kababcel]

Title.

If its about silly stuff then its pretty bad, you gotta know when to use it, like for example per say she wants to go to the club alone, then maybe using that card is alright, although im a bit naive when it comes to relationships, I dont think saying that your gonna abandon your partner is a healthy move at all no matter the circumstances but who am I to kid myself? Women are fucking brutal and that mindset i have might be the end of me

 

[Dr. Mog]

Depends if you have the upper hand then you can sure use it. The prerequisite of you being important enough for her to know she’s losing you if the relationship ever ends is paramount in these cases.

Spoiler

You are reading this from the best ever on .org coach himself

 

[Jason Voorhees]

If its about silly stuff then its pretty bad, you gotta know when to use it, like for example per say she wants to go to the club alone, then maybe using that card is alright, although im a bit naive when it comes to relationships, I dont think saying that your gonna abandon your partner is a healthy move at all no matter the circumstances but who am I to kid myself? Women are fucking brutal and that mindset i have might be the end of me

It’s stupid, saying they’ll leave you over a small decision. They’ll probably looking for an excuse or something.

I don't do it for petty reasons but if she tries to cross boundaries then it's important to remind her that I won't take any disrespect. I'm very kind, caring and loving bf but only as long as I'm the only one in her life and she is loyal to me

 

[Jason Voorhees]

Why jfl @imontheloose

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@81xa

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@Aox Ofwar

 

[81xa]

@81xa

Threatening to leave a relationship is an ultimatum, not necessarily something you throw around to reinforce boundaries.

It can become a bluff, its likely an empty threat and a manipulative foid will catch on quick

 

[Deleted member 93861]

I thought everything was sunshine and rainbows and zero cortisol Mr Jason

 

[Hess]

Depends on the what the thing is

 

[Aox Ofwar]

@Aox Ofwar

I'm not the best person to ask for advice on this tbh

But I feel like the answer is usually no. If the issue is small and insignificant then there's no reason to play the "I'll leave you" card like that but if she cheats or does something really fucked up then you might as well just break up on the spot

 

[Jason Voorhees]

I thought everything was sunshine and rainbows and zero cortisol Mr Jason

I didn't make this thread after an argument just asking for the heck of it. What do you think? I don't do it often it makes me feel bad

 

[Deleted member 361355]

Title.

youre admiting that you dont like your partner anymore, i dont think thats good

 

[Aㅤㅤㅤ]

It's probably s-tier of the worst, alongside using someone else’s traits as a substitute for qualities you/they clearly don’t possess yourself/themself.

 

[Deleted member 93861]

I didn't make this thread after an argument just asking for the heck of it. What do you think? I don't do it often it makes me feel bad

You’re speaking to a KV I couldn’t tell you I’m sorry

 

[Jason Voorhees]

You’re speaking to a KV I couldn’t tell you I’m sorry

https://looksmax.org/threads/if-someone-is-virgin-in-their-mid-or-late-20s-is-getting-an-escort-good-advice.2098900/

 

[Jason Voorhees]

youre admiting that you dont like your partner anymore, i dont think thats good

I love my gf to death tho

 

[Daddy's Home]

No, how can you do that?

That just shows that you don't know how to communicate and argue things, and you just use ultimatums at every little discomfort. Healthy, mature people don't do that, and especially don't get to the point where they even have to do that. People are animals, they can be taught and trained, and in a relationship there is a continuous education for both partners..

if she is not listening to me and is trying to cross boundaries

Bro what.. We need much more context on this in particular..

I don't like making her cry

This implies that you make her cry.. Son.. You make your fucking girlfriend crying.. Wtf are you even doing..

That's a clear and direct sign that the relationship is already dysfunctional and very likely doomed to failure, and she no longer respects you as a partner, but stays with you only out of fear of loneliness, which in time will make her emotionally detach herself because her survival instinct will condition her in this sense..

As long as she doesn't find in you an intimate space of maximum safety, but a place to cry and be afraid of her own actions and their consequences, it's kinda over gg..

only as long as I'm the only one in her life and she is loyal to me

My gf is my gf and she won't be touched by any man other than me.

We need more context.. The fuck is she even doing bro..

 

[sonic55555]

Title.

relationships dont exist
women ditch their boyfriend/husband on a whim every day. could just be a boring day and they decide its over

if you want a relationship get a dog

 

[eryy21]

Title.

its good for your own sake if you use it for valid reason and if you are willing to leave her (if she doesn't stop crossing boundaries)

 

[Deleted member 361355]

I love my gf to death tho

ive never been in a relationship so what the hell do i know, but think from your partners perspective. she does not feel affection for you anymore, which means she will try to leave you, so wouldnt using your threat be beneficial for HER?

 

[Jason Voorhees]

No, how can you do that?

That just shows that you don't know how to communicate and argue things, and you just use ultimatums at every little discomfort. Healthy, mature people don't do that, and especially don't get to the point where they even have to do that. People are animals, they can be taught and trained, and in a relationship there is a continuous education for both partner..


Bro what.. We need much more context on this in particular..


This implies that you make her cry.. Son.. You make your fucking girlfriend crying.. Wtf are you even doing..

That's a clear and direct sign that the relationship is already dysfunctional and very likely doomed to failure, and she no longer respects you as a partner, but stays with you only out of fear of loneliness, which in time will make her emotionally detach herself because her survival instinct will condition her in this sense..

As long as she doesn't find in you an intimate space of maximum safety, but a place to cry and be afraid of her own actions and their consequences, it's kinda over gg..



We need more context.. The fuck is she even doing bro..

I don't like her talking to guys. Out restrictions on what she wears, where she goes, who she goes out with etc. She tells me I'm insecure for no reason but I don't buy any of that. I make it clear that if she wants to be my girlfriend she has to be loyal and submissive to me. There's no place in my heart for a masculine bitchy woman that does what she wants without any regards to their partner. I'm not controlling in any way beyond that tho. I only have a problem when she tries to act like a slut.

 

[Jason Voorhees]

ive never been in a relationship so what the hell do i know, but think from your partners perspective. she does not feel affection for you anymore, which means she will try to leave you, so wouldnt using your threat be beneficial for HER?

She never tried to leave me once. Every time and argument or fight happens we make it up within a day max. And she is also very affectionate towards me. It's just that when she tries to act out I make it clear that I won't tolerate disrespect like that

 

[Deleted member 361355]

She never tried to leave me once. Every time and argument or fight happens we make it up within a day max. And she is also very affectionate towards me

great

I don't like her talking to guys. Out restrictions on what she wears, where she goes, who she goes out with etc

so you think your partner is cheating or flirting with someone else, does she openly do it around you/do you have any knowledge of her doing this?

 

[Jason Voorhees]

No, how can you do that?

That just shows that you don't know how to communicate and argue things, and you just use ultimatums at every little discomfort. Healthy, mature people don't do that, and especially don't get to the point where they even have to do that. People are animals, they can be taught and trained, and in a relationship there is a continuous education for both partners..



Bro what.. We need much more context on this in particular..



This implies that you make her cry.. Son.. You make your fucking girlfriend crying.. Wtf are you even doing..

That's a clear and direct sign that the relationship is already dysfunctional and very likely doomed to failure, and she no longer respects you as a partner, but stays with you only out of fear of loneliness, which in time will make her emotionally detach herself because her survival instinct will condition her in this sense..

As long as she doesn't find in you an intimate space of maximum safety, but a place to cry and be afraid of her own actions and their consequences, it's kinda over gg..



We need more context.. The fuck is she even doing bro..

Also she confides in me and is intimate with me. She tells me her every little secret, sends me love poems and all that. I never once thought she felt suffocated disrespected, sad or whatever. We still love each other deeply regardless of a few hiccups.

 

[Jason Voorhees]

great

so you think your partner is cheating or flirting with someone else, does she openly do it around you/do you have any knowledge of her doing this?

No not cheating or flirting. I literally know the passcode to her phone and shit. She just has to interact with guys at work and stuff. I just don't like them because I know what their intentions are.

 

[munnabhai]

yes nigga I did it two weeks ago during a fight. But u gotta keep it reserved for special cases or they think you’re a dickhead

 

[Jason Voorhees]

@BigBallsLarry give thoughts

 

[BigBallsLarry]

What? I think you meant "Is threatening your partner with the threat of abandonment; is healthy or useful for a relationship?"
No, it is mentally ill.

Agreed. I've had a girl who'd say she'd kill herself if i left, she'd cry and cut her skin at the thought of it with a razor, she'd be by all means mentally insane..

And yet, despite everything, the words "I'll leave if you do x" never left either of our mouths. That should say a lot.

If your partner is ready to leave you over something small, then are they really your partner, or just a temporary companion?

That is of course guessing the sentence isn't something like "if you murder my entire family I'll leave you", cause that's pretty obvious..

 

[InanimatePragmatist]

Agreed. I've had a girl who'd say she'd kill herself if i left, she'd cry and cut her skin at the thought of it with a razor, she'd be by all means mentally insane..

And yet, despite everything the words" I'll leave if you do x" never left either of our mouths. That should say a lot.

If your partner is ready to leave you over something small, then are they really your partner, or just a temporary companion?

That is of course guessing the sentence isn't something like "if you murder my entire family I'll leave you", cause that's pretty obvious..

If they already plan to say such, what makes you think they even wanted you? Agreed.

 

[Deleted member 361355]

I just don't like them because I know what their intentions are.

youre simply insecure and overthinking. you both love each other deeply, you monitor her social interactions, (which i think is a stretch), but you KNOW shes loyal, you both are happy with each orther, you should just stop overthinking. just stop.

 

[munnabhai]

Agreed. I've had a girl who'd say she'd kill herself if i left, she'd cry and cut her skin at the thought of it with a razor, she'd be by all means mentally insane..

And yet, despite everything, the words "I'll leave if you do x" never left either of our mouths. That should say a lot.

If your partner is ready to leave you over something small, then are they really your partner, or just a temporary companion?

That is of course guessing the sentence isn't something like "if you murder my entire family I'll leave you", cause that's pretty obvious..

Good take doing it over small shit is weird behavior

But if it’s said when explaining your boundaries who cares cause it’s true when u say it

 

[munnabhai]

youre simply insecure and overthinking. you both love each other deeply, you monitor her social interactions, (which i think is a stretch), but you KNOW shes loyal, you both are happy with each orther, you should just stop overthinking. just stop.

Low iq

it’s not about the girl being loyal

It’s about preventing other dudes from tryna stick their meat in her. It’s the principle

 

[BigBallsLarry]

This implies that you make her cry.. Son.. You make your fucking girlfriend crying.. Wtf are you even doing..

You'd be suprised how easy it is to make a woman cry, they're extremely emotional.

Growing up, my father taught me a lot about maturity and how to treat girls like a gentleman. He always said that a man who makes his woman cry is the lowest of all men.

I grew up knowing that, and yet, in my first relationship there's been plenty of times where my girlfriend cried and i was the reason. It's not because i did something extremly heinous - it might be one misplaced sentence or one bad gesture movement.

This is ESPECIALLY common if the girl really loves you - because then she might miss-interpret your body language and this will lead to a lot of emotional overthinking which leads to crying.

 

[Jason Voorhees]

Agreed. I've had a girl who'd say she'd kill herself if i left, she'd cry and cut her skin at the thought of it with a razor, she'd be by all means mentally insane..

And yet, despite everything, the words "I'll leave if you do x" never left either of our mouths. That should say a lot.

If your partner is ready to leave you over something small, then are they really your partner, or just a temporary companion?

That is of course guessing the sentence isn't something like "if you murder my entire family I'll leave you", cause that's pretty obvious..

If they already plan to say such, what makes you think they even wanted you? Agreed.

I'm insecure and this is my first relationship. I've only been used by women like disposable pen refills before. Like I said. I've only been with sluts who kicked me to the curb every time after they used me. She is the first woman who has cared for me and i don't want to lose her so I'm a bit over protective about her because of that. I'm not controlling beyond that. I still think she is quite happy and content with our relationship. Even after all these months she still tells me that she loves me and wants to marry me one day.

 

[Former Shortcel]

No

 

[Deleted member 361355]

It’s about preventing other dudes from tryna stick their meat in her. It’s the principle

he said she was loyal, are you talking abt SA? if your goal is to prevent her from being assaulted her entire life you should stay by her side her entire life, but i dont know if he'll be able to do that.

 

[BigBallsLarry]

I'm insecure and this is my first relationship. I've only been used by women like disposable pen refills before. Like I said. I've only been with sluts who kicked me to the curb every time after they used me. She is the first woman who has cared for me and i don't want to lose her so I'm a bit over protective about her because of that. I'm not controlling beyond that. I still think she is quite happy and content with our relationship. Even after all these months she still tells me that she loves me and wants to marry me one day.

I don't want to fuel your overthinking, but that is what girls always say despite how they feel deep inside. I've been in 2 LTRs and in both the girls acted the happiest ever right before living and typing a 3000 word sentence about how they actually WEREN'T happy despite acting like it for 4 years

I'm not really sure why girls are like this, but it taught me one thing

You NEED to force her to actually talk with you and confess her real feelings. And i don't mean force by physical force or ultimatums, i mean by actually deeply talking about eachothers feelings, in a good atmosphere. That way she'd feel bad about lying to you.

If by then she still tells you she loves you, then you don't need to be insecure.

Your first relationship is the most likely to work out in my opinion. So you have great chances to make everything work.

 

[TrueGracileMed]

I'm insecure and this is my first relationship. I've only been used by women like disposable pen refills before. Like I said. I've only been with sluts who kicked me to the curb every time after they used me. She is the first woman who has cared for me and i don't want to lose her so I'm a bit over protective about her because of that. I'm not controlling beyond that. I still think she is quite happy and content with our relationship. Even after all these months she still tells me that she loves me and wants to marry me one day.

If you wanna keep her, stop using manipulation tactics, whether subtle or not.

She'll eventually figure it out herself, or someone will spell it out for her, and it's really, really, really not a good look for you.

 

[munnabhai]

he said she was loyal, are you talking abt SA? if your goal is to prevent her from being assaulted her entire life you should stay by her side her entire life, but i dont know if he'll be able to do that.

I’ll use Jason’s work example

Let’s say her male coworker tried to eat lunch with her regularly and it’s not work discussions

even if he knows she’s not gonna do anything, it’s not gonna make him happy since he knows the dudes intentions no matter how innocent the convos

 

[Daddy's Home]

I don't like her talking to guys

We need more context on that. When, why, with who and how often?

Out restrictions on what she wears, where she goes, who she goes out with etc.

This is a double-edged sword.

It may or may not work depending on the girl's personality/the way and environment she grew up in since she was little, and regardless of her choice regarding this, so whether she accepts or refuses, neither option is a bad/wrong choice, and you have to respect her (if then you don't respect her or don't know how to negotiate, the relationship ends. To end up forcing her to do things and making her cry because of it is already kind of gg..)

She tells me I'm insecure for no reason

She may be right, or she may not be right, and the fact that she decided to tell you this clearly shows that she is extremely frustrated with the whole situation

She probably thinks she's doing enough and you're being overprotective and jealous (which statistically speaking, not knowing the exact context and circumstance, she has a good chance of being right, and it's just you thinking too much, or just wanting a different type of girl in general, which is perfectly fine, she's just not that one)

I make it clear that if she wants to be my girlfriend she has to be loyal and submissive to me.

The mere fact that you've reached the point where you have to tell her this implies that she's not the right girl for you

That puts you, not her, in the following position and decision:

1. You accept her as she is, and negotiate things in a much more mature and diplomatic way, she will start to accept certain of your limits, but you will also have to accept certain of her wishes.

2. Give up on your relationship with her

3. You're doing what you're doing now, which is postponing the inevitable breakup, or until she starts to become toxic and emotionally detached, because her body and biology will make her no longer feel safe around you

There's no place in my heart for a masculine bitchy woman that does what she wants without any regards to their partner

I only have a problem when she tries to act like a slut.

Here we are already talking about her level of conscientiousness as an individual in general / her type of attachment, where it seems clear that you two are not suitable for each other, because it seems like you are talking to a wall that does not have the ability to put itself in your position and place, and understand your point of view

Basically, you are not talking to a mature girl, but a little girl who wants candy but who does not yet have the ability to understand why candy is bad for her..

The thing is, you probably negotiated with her diplomatically at first, but you saw that she didn't understand your point of view/she doesn't understand you, she just tells you that you're insecure, and then she might just cry to manipulate you and that's where the discussion/argument ends..

So yeah, either you accept her as is (because you consider her genetically attractive enough, and you want her to be the mother of your children, so you'll sacrifice yourself for this outcome) and hope for the best, or you just give up on her as soon as possible so you don't waste any more time..

 

[munnabhai]

I don't want to fuel your overthinking, but that is what girls always say despite how they feel deep inside. I've been in 2 LTRs and in both the girls acted the happiest ever right before living and typing a 3000 word sentence about how they actually WEREN'T happy despite acting like it for 4 years

I'm not really sure why girls are like this, but it taught me one thing

You NEED to force her to actually talk with you and confess her real feelings. And i don't mean force by physical force or ultimatums, i mean by actually deeply talking about eachothers feelings, in a good atmosphere. That way she'd feel bad about lying to you.

If by then she still tells you she loves you, then you don't need to be insecure.

Your first relationship is the most likely to work out in my opinion. So you have great chances to make everything work.

if anyone reading this is in a relationship, this is literally the best advice anyone will ever give u