Benaiwitbl
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2026
- Posts
- 8
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Hello to anyone reading this. Today I am writing about my experiences with lookism. I will be covering my journey starting from 5th grade to 9th grade. I will do my best to follow a linear timeline and explain my thoughts whilst staying to the point and keeping it somewhat short (I doubt it will be). I will start by saying due to covid i did online school from the end of second grade until I started 5th grade. There is not much there to touch on, it is just something I feel is important to my story. I will start by saying my 5th grade school year was by far my worst year ever. From the start of the year I was never included and I didn’t have any friends which is expected but as the year progressed my experience got worse. Around mid september i started facing severe bullying physically and mentally. How it first started is that kids at my table took my lunch and then would push me out of my seat and make me sit alone. This was then followed later by being beat up at recess to the point I had to go to the nurse. This soon stopped but was followed by whenever I would partake in recess activities such as football whenever i was tackled they would punch and kick me until I left. I then migrated over to basketball and there I was pushed over and teased. Around this time a girl named Ella was forced to sit with me and everyday she would make fun of my forehead and hair and she was backed by chase who would say I have sausage fingers and just plain out Im ugly. This happened in guidance consuling class one time and I told chase to leave me alone which was followed with him standing up and choking me until the teacher forced him off of me which to no surprise was followed with no consequences. After this the physical bullying stopped for a time but was followed by my classmates starting something called the Ben disease which was basically the cheese touch but I always had it. My torment sort of came to a plato at this point until the end of the year when I was playing basketball in recess and a kid named Oliver pushed me into a basketball pole hard enough to where I was knocked out and had to get an ambulance to pick me up. After this nothing much happened because of a principle assembly about bullying so most physically stopped and was just followed with me being quite literally given the silent treatment where I was never spoken to. Fast forward over the summer I grew my hair out to what I believe to be a better style. My first day of middle school was a completely different pool of people just because of the way that districts worked which allowed me for the most part to reset the impression that people have on me. On my first day I noticed a massive change first off I made friends extremely easily and during pickup I had two girls one named grace and one named daicee come up to me separately and ask for my number. This was basically my first ever attention from girls as before I was completely cut off. Through the year I continued to be one of if not the most popular kids in my school and I started dating the girl daicee. I had many girls who liked me through this time period of the first quarter of school but I remained dating this girl daicee and also during this time period I had everyone I met wanting to be my friend almost in a disney movie way. Even with this I felt very insecure all the time and grossed out by myself which led me to go more in depth with looksmaxing ( I realize now i didn’t mention but over summer before 6th grade I got surface level by watching how to glow up video with creators like dillion latham) I started to act narcissistic whilst being extremely insecure. The more I looked into surface level LM the more insecure I got which led to me needing validation from other girls causing me to break up with my girl friend and bully my friends to make myself feel better along with acting out in class by being very loud and distracting the class to get attention. This was met with a lack of male friends causing me to be more focused on LM and girls. I had a new girlfriend quite literally every week. We are now somewhere around christmas 2023 and I started having almost no friends except for kids who simply wanted to associate with me for popularity and I was having 2-3 girlfriends a month. This sort of path continued until around the summer time around then I actually started dating Ella, the same girl that used to bully me I would suspect out of a need for approval from her specially even though she was not very attractive. I dated her and got closer until around halloween time of my 7th grade year which would be 2024 I was invited to a party and right around this time Chase started wanting to become my friend which caused me to think back to 5th grade and realize how much I really hated Ella. Anyways at this party I cheated on Ella with Daicee, Rylee, and Aubrey just because of how I had some old feelings brought back up from 5th grade making me want to hurt her. After this within my school I was seen as popular but also sorta a dick I had “friends" but more school friends and over the years they started to become less and less of my friends. Around january 2025 I became severely depressed to the point where i withdrew from most social contact and would often think about suicide. This sort of made me more insecure about myself causing me to feel a bit worthless so I started to try a new sport purely to try to make friends and it worked and over that summer I simply played golf, came home and sat in my room depressed watching and consuming looksmaxing content. Fast forward a bit we are at the start of 8th grade year I have a few people that like me but at this point I am so insecure with myself I cannot even talk to a woman during this time I start to make a few friends but also get bullied mainly for my newly developed acne around this point I started accutane. Also around then I joined my school's golf team and became friends with the kids that picked on me allowing for me to feel the most included that I ever have in my life. Also around this I feel like I had a bit of a glowup and I had at any point about 4-6 girls that liked me but now I was extremely petrified to talk to girls and I had plenty of friends to where this didn’t bother me. The school pretty much stayed on this track so not much else touched on. Over the summer I started talking to girls again. I had probably 30 talking stages hangouts every day living the life. Now I am back at school with the people from my elementary school. Many still don’t like me (mainly guys) but many want to be my friend or more which has resulted in a big fat now which has made me feel great. One example is during a fire drill a girl came up and asked my name and I said it and she screamed “holy shit no way no way no way you used to be the biggest nerd”. I am happy with my looks although I can always improve. I am going to be happier. I have a lot of friends and am not to be full of myself but most girls at my school don’t find me ugly. I am now talking to quite literally one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen and I am starting to be happy again. I feel like everything is starting to go my way. My hair looks good, my skin is clear and I am relatively tall for my age 5 '10. This is an incredibly long rant and I didn't really touch much on stuff I did to improve looks. I simply was just trying to talk about how my life has changed when I look better and why I believe that the philosophy behind it is valid.
