larpngrey
KHHV stonecold trucel
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2026
- Posts
- 146
- Reputation
- 119
i dont find a reason for living. since i was 13 years old, ive always been thinking about what the purpose of my life is because ive spent my life miserably and ive never actually been truly happy. even now, i still cant find any purpose in it. ive tried sports like track and field, swimming, football, bowling, badminton, and golf. i even play the guitar and draw but i still cant master any of them. when i see my friends, they seem to adapt so easily and all i feel is hatred and jealousy. why did God destine me to be like this? my looks are below average, my social skills are poor, im not smart, i dont have a single talent and im short. whenever i see someone attractive and talented, all i feel is hatred and envy and i secretly wish they would lose what i dont have. sometimes i even think its embarrassing for me to exist in this world. i wonder what i did to deserve a life like this. actually, my life got even worse when i had an online relationship. no girls in real life liked me so thats why i tried online dating because i wanted to know what it felt like to be loved even tho i knew the relationship would probably go nowhere. she was interested in me because of our shared interests in music and anime. at that time, i didnt expect anything from the relationship but after five months, i started thinking that maybe she really loved me and that maybe someday we could have a future together because she was the only girl who understood me but i was wrong. she only loved the personality that i showed her. she never loved or understood the real me. all she wanted was for me to change but whenever it was about her, she always had a thousand excuses to justify her actions. whenever I treated her the way she treated me, she would ignore me for a day and i end up apologizing like a stupid pathetic guy who just wanted to feel loved because i believed that maybe love was all i wanted. when she realized that i couldnt hold conversations well, the way she treated me slowly changed. even tho i gave everything i had, it was pointless. i tried to understand her, i tried to be patient with her and i put in effort but now we have broken up and she moved on from me so easily and she acts like nothing ever happened, while I'm here miserably struggling with my mental health, which is weird because she used to tell me that i'd be her biggest heartbreak ofc i believed those stupid lies because it was the first time someone had ever said something like that to me. i thought my effort was enough for her but then she and her friend told me that my effort was JUST BARE MINIMUM. when i heard that, all i felt was sadness and regret for wasting my life on someone like her. no girl will ever appreciate my effort and they never will. even if one day i finally ascend and theres a girl who likes me, i'd probably still stay single because my perspective on love is different from everyone else. i hope that in the future they will create an ai chatbot waifu so i can stop trying to prove that im worthy of being loved. it would accept me the way i am and give me the warmth that no girl has ever given me so i think ldar is the solution to all of this. giving my all to someone only ends up hurting me