Life goes by fast

[MoriBountarou2]

Just finished 1st year of uni and my life has never been so miserable. Before i at least had hope even though i didnt want to admit it to not "cope". But now i actually feel what being hopeless is. I thought maybe at uni things will change. Ill get into a relationship. Ill do better at school (although i know that if i were in a healthy relationship i wouldnt give a fuck about school it wouldnt bother me. But because im lonely it makes things 10x worse hearing my parents call me a dissapointment). Ill be happier. Everything is worse. Ive heard and seen first hand how over it is. Every girl has an ex. Youll never be her first. Youll never be special to her as she is for you. Ever wonder why women say "all men this, all men that"? Its because they are all dating the same men. Those men, since they have options, treat them bad, and thats where all those statements come from. I get sick when i go outside. Physically want to vomit from the thought of people looking at me. Many days ive gone to school and didn't even stay one hour because of how sick i felt. Ive tried everything but nothing has helped me. Ofc im not only talking about "looksmaxing" ive done everything to improve my looks and also trying to get surgery. But also things to make me feel better. Ive fixed my health, i go out in nature, climb mountains, fishing etc. Even if im out in the sun all day doing nothing, no stress from modern bullshit. Even if im at the top of the mountain looking at the most beautiful views ive ever laid eyes on. It all reminds me how lonely i am. A beautiful environment is the darkest hell, if you have to experience it all alone. And how hopeless it all is. It would be blind faith believing something will change. Somehow some way you will meet a girl and she will fall for you. If that hasnt happened when you were younger (presupposing that you looked basically the same as now) nothing will change. All my friends are attractive. All are in relationships. And they didnt have to try like a genetically inferior loser has. Their girlfriends approached them first. Im jealous of them and hate going out to them because they remind me how unlucky i am. Yet I think im lucky to have seen the reality and not believing the cope that there is someone out there for everybody. Or that you just need to try harder. When i was younger i drank like some chemical or sum shit and nearly died but they took me fast enough at the hospital. Me dying there would have been the best outcome. Id be pure. I was happy back then. I didnt have any bad experiences yet. I wouldn't be here such a disgusting lonely loser venting on a forum while the lucky ones are out having the time of their lives.