Looksmaxxing has made me feel empty...

[aiga_koltek]

I’ve been feeling empty lately. I've been trying my best to ascend for two years and yet I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I try to be normal and try socializing, but for the most part i dont really care about what people are saying. its all just words i leave in my brain to know who im talking to. i am in college right now, and as a incoming freshman, this mentality really sucks. sometimes i just keep a straight face and chime in on the little things i know. other times i just dissaccociate and look at the sky or my surroundings. All i want to be is normal. i want to feel happy more frequently. sure i have my memories that make me smile or get excited. but those are few to come by. i wish i could be neurotypical with a low inhibition. I am sick and tired of analyzing everyone’s expressions telling me what they think of me, and their facial features that determine what i think of them. all i want to be is social. i want to talk to people and genuinely feel happy about it. not pike its just a transaction. I mean, i am not even nervous to talk to girls anymore. to me, all people are the same, and i feel like an outsider everywhere i go. I feel like no one really cares if i am present or if i leave. I feel like i. am watching a movie and am able to see everyone’s opinions of everything, even if they don’t openly express what they think about on the inside and i hate it. I fucking hate it. No one really asks me to hangout right now in college. I’ve only been to one hangout (which was fun tbh, we fit like 8 dudes in one car and attempted to go to a party). I am trying to take my emotions (or lack of) out on a guitar, because i really love nirvana. and though i love looking the best in most situations, i hate the fact that my emotions were sacrificed at the cost of that. Hell, i don’t even feel attractive most of the time. i just feel like a piece of shit who didn’t deserve to live for 18 years. I hope that this makes sense. but i just want to feel human, and want this lack of emotion to go away. I am not suciidal in any way, but it really does feel like I'm dead, walking through the same routine, keeping my looks up, and living just to go to sleep again.

 

[Excelatory]

Do Not Resuscitate

 

[Autismaxxer]

try socialmaxxing bro

 

[ascendingpath]

your best option is going to an pyschiatrist for medication

 

[Yvann133]

I’ve been feeling empty lately. I've been trying my best to ascend for two years and yet I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I try to be normal and try socializing, but for the most part i dont really care about what people are saying. its all just words i leave in my brain to know who im talking to. i am in college right now, and as a incoming freshman, this mentality really sucks. sometimes i just keep a straight face and chime in on the little things i know. other times i just dissaccociate and look at the sky or my surroundings. All i want to be is normal. i want to feel happy more frequently. sure i have my memories that make me smile or get excited. but those are few to come by. i wish i could be neurotypical with a low inhibition. I am sick and tired of analyzing everyone’s expressions telling me what they think of me, and their facial features that determine what i think of them. all i want to be is social. i want to talk to people and genuinely feel happy about it. not pike its just a transaction. I mean, i am not even nervous to talk to girls anymore. to me, all people are the same, and i feel like an outsider everywhere i go. I feel like no one really cares if i am present or if i leave. I feel like i. am watching a movie and am able to see everyone’s opinions of everything, even if they don’t openly express what they think about on the inside and i hate it. I fucking hate it. No one really asks me to hangout right now in college. I’ve only been to one hangout (which was fun tbh, we fit like 8 dudes in one car and attempted to go to a party). I am trying to take my emotions (or lack of) out on a guitar, because i really love nirvana. and though i love looking the best in most situations, i hate the fact that my emotions were sacrificed at the cost of that. Hell, i don’t even feel attractive most of the time. i just feel like a piece of shit who didn’t deserve to live for 18 years. I hope that this makes sense. but i just want to feel human, and want this lack of emotion to go away. I am not suciidal in any way, but it really does feel like I'm dead, walking through the same routine, keeping my looks up, and living just to go to sleep again.

Ok

 

[aiga_koltek]

try socialmaxxing bro

I do. I really do. but I don't feel depth in conversation. almost like patrick bateman (not to be cringy).

 

[Autismaxxer]

I do. I really do. but I don't feel depth in conversation. almost like patrick bateman (not to be cringy).

dude, I actually understand you. I think you and me have the same problem. But tell me, what are you mainly trying to achieve? just want to fit in?

 

[aiga_koltek]

I just want friends who actually feel genuine and who I don't always have to reach out to hang. I don't think I can stop analyzing people's stuff like that tho.