GigantorMaxxer
Iron
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2019
- Posts
- 105
- Reputation
- 61
I'm a highly neurotic ADHDer. At some point I developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which overlaps heavily with autism in social anxiety, awkwardness and being out of place, as well as some hypersensitivity. You can say I sound and act somewhat autistic. Actually, for a whole year I was damn convinced I was on the Spectrum: I disagreed heavily when my GAD diagnosis came instead, and took a while to acknowledge and get to grasp how I couldn't have ASD due to being too proactive, among other stuff. I either developed GAD when I was hospitalized for a month at 6 or when I changed schools and started being bullied all over the place at 7.
I'm on the 92nd percentile of neuroticism where I live, which means I'm more neurotic than 92% of the population. Up until some 3 weeks ago, I thought my disorders were the major explanation for my psychological misery, but it's actually as much about my neuroticism as it is about them.
My test results also indicate I'm much of an introvert, but I disagree: I think the questions I answered regarding how I'm collected and keep stuff to myself, which are about my social challanges due to GAD mostly, led to such conclusion, but I'd say I'm on more on the extrovert side in many situations.
Now, since the pandemics I'm a socially isolated neurodivergent guy. I spent years with little to no social contact besides my family, no sexual caressing, no friends, nothing. This destroyed all positive stuff I built on 2020 before mid-March.
I have women showing interest in me every once in a while. I can do nothing about it if I'm not drunk. Most of the time I approach girls I'm accepted despite being average to ugly (I look way better in motion plus I probably have one or two distinct features), but I can't do so if I'm not blatantly drunk, and even then I have a fucking hard time and can only make out if a girl approaches me.
Guys, I kinda rather have a very low score on neuroticism—if I could reverse it and be on the 8% less neurotic—higher extraversion, higher openness and maybe higher conscientiousness, no ADHD and no GAD than be a PSL god or anything like this. I don't know, I'm a slave to my chaotic, ruin thoughts-ridden mind since I'm at least 5 and it feels like intense hell, so I know being on the other side of the spectrum with a soft, light, clean and keen mind would feel like paradise.
I'm disturbed as hell, have bizarre ideations when at my most frustrated, suffer from excessive empathy making me absorb other people's pain and not be able to be an asshole, can't be successful with women by no means, couldn't form a relationship with a woman (and I really don't want to), can't go on dates, etc. I'm some kind of an ND, foul-mouthed golden boy, it sucks actually.
I wish there was some way to chemically alter your personality traits over time, to permanently make them more suiting. Also wish my neurodevelopmental disorder, ADHD had some cure. I would be able to live a thriving, exciting and peaceful life, even as an average to ugly guy.
I'm on the 92nd percentile of neuroticism where I live, which means I'm more neurotic than 92% of the population. Up until some 3 weeks ago, I thought my disorders were the major explanation for my psychological misery, but it's actually as much about my neuroticism as it is about them.
My test results also indicate I'm much of an introvert, but I disagree: I think the questions I answered regarding how I'm collected and keep stuff to myself, which are about my social challanges due to GAD mostly, led to such conclusion, but I'd say I'm on more on the extrovert side in many situations.
Now, since the pandemics I'm a socially isolated neurodivergent guy. I spent years with little to no social contact besides my family, no sexual caressing, no friends, nothing. This destroyed all positive stuff I built on 2020 before mid-March.
I have women showing interest in me every once in a while. I can do nothing about it if I'm not drunk. Most of the time I approach girls I'm accepted despite being average to ugly (I look way better in motion plus I probably have one or two distinct features), but I can't do so if I'm not blatantly drunk, and even then I have a fucking hard time and can only make out if a girl approaches me.
Guys, I kinda rather have a very low score on neuroticism—if I could reverse it and be on the 8% less neurotic—higher extraversion, higher openness and maybe higher conscientiousness, no ADHD and no GAD than be a PSL god or anything like this. I don't know, I'm a slave to my chaotic, ruin thoughts-ridden mind since I'm at least 5 and it feels like intense hell, so I know being on the other side of the spectrum with a soft, light, clean and keen mind would feel like paradise.
I'm disturbed as hell, have bizarre ideations when at my most frustrated, suffer from excessive empathy making me absorb other people's pain and not be able to be an asshole, can't be successful with women by no means, couldn't form a relationship with a woman (and I really don't want to), can't go on dates, etc. I'm some kind of an ND, foul-mouthed golden boy, it sucks actually.
I wish there was some way to chemically alter your personality traits over time, to permanently make them more suiting. Also wish my neurodevelopmental disorder, ADHD had some cure. I would be able to live a thriving, exciting and peaceful life, even as an average to ugly guy.
