cutie_pie
Geschsmacksverirrung
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2023
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This is a bit of a story, so please bear with me,as I believe context is important
I moved to a foreign country to be with my long time girlfriend , we were both always so eager to get out of our home country we have been dating for 5 years and living together for 4 and it had always been the main topic that we had been talking about ever since we had met, we had looked at immigration options multiple times
One day she received a job offer to move to Ireland, we both agreed this would be the best move for our future. Our relationship was so amazing and we were extremely happy back home, we never kept any secrets and our phones were always open to one another. I can tell you at that point we had only had 2 big arguments in our relationship, communication was open and good.
Because I was the more financially stable one I paid for her immigration to ireland, I've always assisted her in bad financial situations, I paid for her car on multiple occasion and during covid I provided for our household while she was unable to work
She moved over in October 22, and we spoke everyday that we were apart, she made a surprise visit for my birthday in January 23 where she was acting very strange and different to her normal self, she sat me down one day and said " I am having doubts in our relationship" I was totally blindsided by this statement and the first thing I asked her was " are you seeing someone else?" she said to me she wasn't and that being alone for the past few months had changed her, needles to say we worked through it and in that week my Job offer was finalised and I had applied for my working permit
Fast forward to April of 23 and I have sold everything I had owned, had a massive party with all my friends and family as I said goodbye to go and start my life abroad with the love of my life.
I gave up everything I had to make this dream, our dream, a reality that we had speaking about ever since the day we met
Before I had arrived she had made a group of friends in the small town she was staying in, one person in particular, we will call him Dave, stood out among the rest, I am not a jealous guy and I have complete trust in my significant other and in fact I was happy she was making friends
Once I arrived she got us a small little apartment in the town next to where she was working, and so our new life had begun.
As the weeks went on she was acting strange, whenever I would pick her phone up, to change a song, she would grab her phone from hands and be very aggressive about it too, I thought it was strange but didn't invest too much thought into it, she started making comments towards me about being boring ( a person who had taking the biggest leap of their life... yeh boring) and one day whilst I was telling her about my interest, she told me that she "didn't care about it" - this was the 3rd time we ever had a massive argument, I was in a foreign country with no one I knew and the only person there, didn't care about the things that made me happy. I was very hurt to say the least and by this point I was growing suspicious that something was up
One day when I got home from work, we sat down and I asked her about her day and she told me that she went for a Hike, but it was only her and Dave, which to me seemed a little strange to go hiking with just another guy, so I questioned it and she got extremely angry and said " why are you so jealous, me and Dave are best friends, I do not see him in that way" she made me feel like such an asshole for bringing it up and I didn't question it again
a few weeks later I came home from work and she was sitting on the couch she immediately asked me to join her because she wanted to talk about something, When I sat down she looked at me and started crying she said " I cheated on you". My heart sank when I heard those words , "it was after you had arrived, only once, and it happened on a night out". I tried to get more information from her but she refused to tell me, I immediately accused Dave, she refused to admit it and said it wasn't him and even if it was she would not tell me, that evening we went to bed and it was horrible I felt like I was laying next to a stranger that I had just met
The next day at work I was completely out of it, I had asked my manager if I could take the rest of the day off and told her what was going on, she told me to take a few days off to clear my head (God bless her)
I arrived home early, to my surprise that my Gf wasn't home, this put my suspicions through the roof as we always tell each other where we are going so that if something happens we can be aware of where each person was at the time, I couldn't take it anymore and I opened the laptop that we shared went into her profile and opened up her Messenger app, I found no messages with Dave as they had all been deleted, just a few calls between the two of them, but I noticed that she was texting her friend back home
She had confessed to her friend that she and Dave had been sleeping together before I had arrived in the country and it was ongoing while I was there, and that she had fallen involve with him. I read these texts and my heart just shattered.... I became the lowest form of myself that I had ever been and I just started crying, I truly have never felt pain like that in years... the best way I can describe it is like losing a loved one, I was broken. I called her and told her I knew about the affair, She rushed home to speak to me.
I asked her why... she couldn't tell me why
I asked her why didn't she come clean with me me back home before I uprooted my life, she said "I didn't want to hurt you"
She said she needed some time to think about everything and she left, over the next few days she would come over, as I was having mental break downs, to see if I was doing okay, at this point my life was over, I had given up everything for nothing
Later that week I asked her to come over so we could talk, we sat down and I told her that I was completely willing to compromise regarding the entire situation, I would sleep on the couch while we work through this as I have sacrificed so much to be with her and I love her more than I love life itself I will give her the space that she needs to heal and get clarity, and she was very onboard with this idea... however the only thing I ask of her is that Dave is not apart of her life anymore, numbers are deleted and that person is out of your life
Its me, a person that has given her everything his has, that has been there when she was at her lowest and uplifted her, a person that pushed her to get her qualification, that stood by her in hardship and tragedy and made our dreams come true or him man she has known for a few months who is seizing the opportunity to have a F-buddy (and has a notorious reputation for being one)
And she looked me dead in the eye and said she can't make that choice...
So we ended it, God knows how this has broken me as a person
Needles to say she has received a lot of negative feedback from not only her friends and family back home but from everyone who knows us, even the local people in the town have ostracised her for what she had done, my landlord even said to me that he would outright refuse to rent our place to her if she were to stay and I had to leave ( but that's a whole other story of the community I live in)
This happened two months ago and we have spoken since then, she has expressed recently how deeply regretful she is of what she had done and how sorry she is for everything, how we both wish we could have our old lives back and just be happy again like we were...She has said she is mentally in the wrong space and she isn't seeing anyone and she needs to focus on herself...
We can't get back together because my friends and family hate her for what she has done...
But I love her, I miss her, she is the only person I know here... that knows me... I have never been so alone in my life, and im afraid
I feel no one has been in this situation before and the advice comes from people who have a support system to help them, I don't
Do I forgive her...make it work again? take the heat from everyone in my life and seize my happiness with her, this entire future was planned with her in mind, we all make mistakes... should the repercussions be detrimental to our happiness
or do I move on? and if so how? how do you move on when your entire world has been shattered into a million pieces
I moved to a foreign country to be with my long time girlfriend , we were both always so eager to get out of our home country we have been dating for 5 years and living together for 4 and it had always been the main topic that we had been talking about ever since we had met, we had looked at immigration options multiple times
One day she received a job offer to move to Ireland, we both agreed this would be the best move for our future. Our relationship was so amazing and we were extremely happy back home, we never kept any secrets and our phones were always open to one another. I can tell you at that point we had only had 2 big arguments in our relationship, communication was open and good.
Because I was the more financially stable one I paid for her immigration to ireland, I've always assisted her in bad financial situations, I paid for her car on multiple occasion and during covid I provided for our household while she was unable to work
She moved over in October 22, and we spoke everyday that we were apart, she made a surprise visit for my birthday in January 23 where she was acting very strange and different to her normal self, she sat me down one day and said " I am having doubts in our relationship" I was totally blindsided by this statement and the first thing I asked her was " are you seeing someone else?" she said to me she wasn't and that being alone for the past few months had changed her, needles to say we worked through it and in that week my Job offer was finalised and I had applied for my working permit
Fast forward to April of 23 and I have sold everything I had owned, had a massive party with all my friends and family as I said goodbye to go and start my life abroad with the love of my life.
I gave up everything I had to make this dream, our dream, a reality that we had speaking about ever since the day we met
Before I had arrived she had made a group of friends in the small town she was staying in, one person in particular, we will call him Dave, stood out among the rest, I am not a jealous guy and I have complete trust in my significant other and in fact I was happy she was making friends
Once I arrived she got us a small little apartment in the town next to where she was working, and so our new life had begun.
As the weeks went on she was acting strange, whenever I would pick her phone up, to change a song, she would grab her phone from hands and be very aggressive about it too, I thought it was strange but didn't invest too much thought into it, she started making comments towards me about being boring ( a person who had taking the biggest leap of their life... yeh boring) and one day whilst I was telling her about my interest, she told me that she "didn't care about it" - this was the 3rd time we ever had a massive argument, I was in a foreign country with no one I knew and the only person there, didn't care about the things that made me happy. I was very hurt to say the least and by this point I was growing suspicious that something was up
One day when I got home from work, we sat down and I asked her about her day and she told me that she went for a Hike, but it was only her and Dave, which to me seemed a little strange to go hiking with just another guy, so I questioned it and she got extremely angry and said " why are you so jealous, me and Dave are best friends, I do not see him in that way" she made me feel like such an asshole for bringing it up and I didn't question it again
a few weeks later I came home from work and she was sitting on the couch she immediately asked me to join her because she wanted to talk about something, When I sat down she looked at me and started crying she said " I cheated on you". My heart sank when I heard those words , "it was after you had arrived, only once, and it happened on a night out". I tried to get more information from her but she refused to tell me, I immediately accused Dave, she refused to admit it and said it wasn't him and even if it was she would not tell me, that evening we went to bed and it was horrible I felt like I was laying next to a stranger that I had just met
The next day at work I was completely out of it, I had asked my manager if I could take the rest of the day off and told her what was going on, she told me to take a few days off to clear my head (God bless her)
I arrived home early, to my surprise that my Gf wasn't home, this put my suspicions through the roof as we always tell each other where we are going so that if something happens we can be aware of where each person was at the time, I couldn't take it anymore and I opened the laptop that we shared went into her profile and opened up her Messenger app, I found no messages with Dave as they had all been deleted, just a few calls between the two of them, but I noticed that she was texting her friend back home
She had confessed to her friend that she and Dave had been sleeping together before I had arrived in the country and it was ongoing while I was there, and that she had fallen involve with him. I read these texts and my heart just shattered.... I became the lowest form of myself that I had ever been and I just started crying, I truly have never felt pain like that in years... the best way I can describe it is like losing a loved one, I was broken. I called her and told her I knew about the affair, She rushed home to speak to me.
I asked her why... she couldn't tell me why
I asked her why didn't she come clean with me me back home before I uprooted my life, she said "I didn't want to hurt you"
She said she needed some time to think about everything and she left, over the next few days she would come over, as I was having mental break downs, to see if I was doing okay, at this point my life was over, I had given up everything for nothing
Later that week I asked her to come over so we could talk, we sat down and I told her that I was completely willing to compromise regarding the entire situation, I would sleep on the couch while we work through this as I have sacrificed so much to be with her and I love her more than I love life itself I will give her the space that she needs to heal and get clarity, and she was very onboard with this idea... however the only thing I ask of her is that Dave is not apart of her life anymore, numbers are deleted and that person is out of your life
Its me, a person that has given her everything his has, that has been there when she was at her lowest and uplifted her, a person that pushed her to get her qualification, that stood by her in hardship and tragedy and made our dreams come true or him man she has known for a few months who is seizing the opportunity to have a F-buddy (and has a notorious reputation for being one)
And she looked me dead in the eye and said she can't make that choice...
So we ended it, God knows how this has broken me as a person
Needles to say she has received a lot of negative feedback from not only her friends and family back home but from everyone who knows us, even the local people in the town have ostracised her for what she had done, my landlord even said to me that he would outright refuse to rent our place to her if she were to stay and I had to leave ( but that's a whole other story of the community I live in)
This happened two months ago and we have spoken since then, she has expressed recently how deeply regretful she is of what she had done and how sorry she is for everything, how we both wish we could have our old lives back and just be happy again like we were...She has said she is mentally in the wrong space and she isn't seeing anyone and she needs to focus on herself...
We can't get back together because my friends and family hate her for what she has done...
But I love her, I miss her, she is the only person I know here... that knows me... I have never been so alone in my life, and im afraid
I feel no one has been in this situation before and the advice comes from people who have a support system to help them, I don't
Do I forgive her...make it work again? take the heat from everyone in my life and seize my happiness with her, this entire future was planned with her in mind, we all make mistakes... should the repercussions be detrimental to our happiness
or do I move on? and if so how? how do you move on when your entire world has been shattered into a million pieces
cuck OP, so not a single molecule , obviously
