
ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years now and have been married for 3 years. Other than this problem, our relationship is really great. We have no kids and as she puts it, we are "thick as thieves".
While we were dating, sex was adventurous and fun for both of us. We always took the chance to play around whenever we could as many times as we could. She loved me going down on her and would be disappointed if I didn't get the chance. However, shortly after we were married, sex has kind of slowed down to once per month. I've been having to persuade her to let me go down on her. At one point she said that she didn't mind if I never did it to her again. I kind of attributed it to us living together, always spending time together and there not being an opportunity to be missed.
Well I was soooooo wrong!!! Two weeks ago we had a conversation about her low libido and I asked if she fantasizes about me during her day when we're not together and she couldn't remember one time that she did in the past 3 years. This led me to ask if she didn't find me attractive. (I hope I'm not being an asshole by thinking that I look pretty good. I workout regularly, am pretty handsome and my female coworkers have always said that I look nice. I was also voted best looking at our recent Christmas party.) It was hard for her to answer the question because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but ultimately she said no, that I WASN'T unattractive, just that I didn't bring out that feeling in her.
Yesterday it dawned on me to ask her if she is sexually attracted to anyone. Please note that I've asked her this question numerous times before, and aside from a few celebrity cruses, it was ALWAYS a no. However, this time she said that she has become recently attracted to a coworker whom she used to HATE with a passion!!!! She's said a few times that she's filed a complaint against him because he would constantly antagonize her at work. This has led them to "clear the air" and try to become more cordial. This cordiality though, has led to them becoming somewhat of acquaintances. Although, she doesn't text him, or speak to him on the phone, just in the workplace.
This week it sort of hit her that she is sexually attracted to him. She stressed the fact though that he is really ugly in her eyes and short and this really confuses her. She also stressed the fact that his attitude and demeanor is what really turns her on. She realized this because during her working conversations with him throughout the day, she would smell his cologne and the way he talked to her really turned her on, wanting to reach out and kiss him. Yesterday she even said that she was fantasizing about him going down on her and giving him head. This has crushed me. I couldn't sleep last night where I was so devastated.
I understand that we will not be able to control our feelings about someone, but my problem with all of this is that, all I have to do is look at her or smell her scent and I'm ready to jump in bed with her. BUT, I don't bring about that same feelings for her. I've attributed her having sex with me to something like masturbation. She just wants to scratch an itch. She says that she doesn't want to lose me, she loves me and can't live without me, but this is the first time she's had these feelings since we started seeing each other. She wants to see a therapist and work things through to see if this situation can be rectified.
What can be done about this situation? Ladies, have you ever felt this way about your husbands or boyfriends? Men, would you continue in this marriage knowing what I know now? I don't know if I I have the strength to continue knowing that I don't turn my wife on.
While we were dating, sex was adventurous and fun for both of us. We always took the chance to play around whenever we could as many times as we could. She loved me going down on her and would be disappointed if I didn't get the chance. However, shortly after we were married, sex has kind of slowed down to once per month. I've been having to persuade her to let me go down on her. At one point she said that she didn't mind if I never did it to her again. I kind of attributed it to us living together, always spending time together and there not being an opportunity to be missed.
Well I was soooooo wrong!!! Two weeks ago we had a conversation about her low libido and I asked if she fantasizes about me during her day when we're not together and she couldn't remember one time that she did in the past 3 years. This led me to ask if she didn't find me attractive. (I hope I'm not being an asshole by thinking that I look pretty good. I workout regularly, am pretty handsome and my female coworkers have always said that I look nice. I was also voted best looking at our recent Christmas party.) It was hard for her to answer the question because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but ultimately she said no, that I WASN'T unattractive, just that I didn't bring out that feeling in her.
Yesterday it dawned on me to ask her if she is sexually attracted to anyone. Please note that I've asked her this question numerous times before, and aside from a few celebrity cruses, it was ALWAYS a no. However, this time she said that she has become recently attracted to a coworker whom she used to HATE with a passion!!!! She's said a few times that she's filed a complaint against him because he would constantly antagonize her at work. This has led them to "clear the air" and try to become more cordial. This cordiality though, has led to them becoming somewhat of acquaintances. Although, she doesn't text him, or speak to him on the phone, just in the workplace.
This week it sort of hit her that she is sexually attracted to him. She stressed the fact though that he is really ugly in her eyes and short and this really confuses her. She also stressed the fact that his attitude and demeanor is what really turns her on. She realized this because during her working conversations with him throughout the day, she would smell his cologne and the way he talked to her really turned her on, wanting to reach out and kiss him. Yesterday she even said that she was fantasizing about him going down on her and giving him head. This has crushed me. I couldn't sleep last night where I was so devastated.
I understand that we will not be able to control our feelings about someone, but my problem with all of this is that, all I have to do is look at her or smell her scent and I'm ready to jump in bed with her. BUT, I don't bring about that same feelings for her. I've attributed her having sex with me to something like masturbation. She just wants to scratch an itch. She says that she doesn't want to lose me, she loves me and can't live without me, but this is the first time she's had these feelings since we started seeing each other. She wants to see a therapist and work things through to see if this situation can be rectified.
What can be done about this situation? Ladies, have you ever felt this way about your husbands or boyfriends? Men, would you continue in this marriage knowing what I know now? I don't know if I I have the strength to continue knowing that I don't turn my wife on.