HowAmIAlive123
Kraken
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2020
- Posts
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Well... I'm probably going off, after round about 3 years of roiding.
Let me start by sharing the points why I kept being on it for so long, and why I now want to quit.
At first, the positive aspects of being on was the mentality on it. Before going on I was having huge problems with my mental health, and geniully was living in a very very stressful environment. Suicide was the action I was always thinking about, and that was pre .me, and pre the PSL autism.
Reason for that was my drug habits, my parents, my social circle, and my future, mental illness (esp. hypogonadism about mentall illness, i was obsessing over maybe developing schizophrenia over a span of a year, because I once had a "LSD"-Flashback when I smoked weed with a friend of mine. When I had my hypogonadism phase, my life was definitelly at its worst. Especially with Hypogonadism, if you have to much time to spare, and are to obsessive about everything is pure hell. Luckily I dont have it anymore.) literally everything was trash and unlievable.
I knew about the effects that Testosterone had at the time, because I was always research about anything that was gymcelling related. And since I never lied to myself, and was kinda blackpilled back then, I proceeded to do my research about Testosterone, and Its effect on the body + mental health.
Especially the mental ones were definitelly speaked to me, since I was refusing to go to the (((psychiatrist))) and (probably) get my (((SSRIs))) perscriped (For the side effects, gaining weight, becoming soy, having ED, low libido, all that kind of stuff u know).
I was lurking alot on Hypogonadism subreddit, watching videos on how to boost your Testosterone levels naturally, and watching the YouTuber "bignoknow", reading lots of anecdotes on people going on steroids, and came to the conclussion that if you want to have better and more consistent Testosterone Levels (not just "better", but "optimal") you need to get on it.
So it happened, as soon as I got my first paycheck I recieved (literally by delievering newspaper) I ordered some yellow-orange gold.
I remember one thing clearly (right off the boat, i NEVER made mistakes while injecting), it was summer, I wanted to make my first injection, and was so scared that I was sweating like crazy, and getting an blackout
ROFLMAO: funny to think about now, test inj. are really nothing to be worried about, with the right sirenge you dont even notice it)
But as soon as the effects started to hit (for reference, I was at 250mg test e e5d at that time) I instantly became a new person. It was insane.
The depression went away, I became way more optimistic about my future, and finally had dreams again. It was a full on victory in my book, if you ask me.
-I didnt obsess over mentall illnesses anymore
-became redpilled in the sense that I was always doing something, that is worthy in my future
-gymcell actively (I'm just going to make this one a small point, since getting "ON" for the gains was not the main reason. You geniully want to go to the gym when ur on test, its almost like a feeling that your body needs the gym jfl, despite me: sleeping for 2-3hrs a day, not eating anything (and if I do, it was McDonalds, or other fast food) and generally not watching my diet AT ALL, I managed to go from 64kgs at that time to 78kgs @ 184, about 12-15% bf, 16.5cm wrists and 19.5cm ankles (i know its not that much considedring that im on test, but also look at the points above and knowing im a fragile bonecel it goes to show how effective test is. Despite me being a wristcel, my natty and completely-lean bidelt is 20.5in, and it had to be 22in on test, I was definitelly wide lol)
-become way more outgoing because the anxiety and depression just went away
-enjoyed life. which is CRAZY considering that there was a time where I was (and it wasnt for a short period of time, it started when I was 12, and at 16-17 it was at its peak ((serious depression, not the meme one where youre angry at your parents because they didnt buy u that new iphone))) 100% sure that I will kill myself in the next 5 years.
Testosterone mentally was a full on victory for me.
BUT
There is a reason for why Im posting on this site. I found it, after I was researching a little about babyhairs (came to the result that its one of the first sign of male pattern baldness), and found some anecdotes on (I think?) 2 users being on RU58841 and on TRT.
Testosterone was overally positive for me, but that one negative point (atleast in my opinion) overshadows the positive ones. Don't mess with your hair, is pretty clear. Especially if you see those top-model morphs with a NW3 hairline.
At that point I would still say that I was a NW1, but with babyhairs. With those babyhairs excluded I was probably a NW1.5-1.75 ngl..
After recovering from the mental trauma of knowing I might not be able to roid in the future anymore, I went on my anti-hairloss protocol, it consists:
-0.5mg e2d
-75mg/ml ru ed
-Dermarolling once a week
-MK667 15mg ed
The shed was crazy, and It completely killed my ego. At that time I also decided to buzzcut, and it just put salt in my wounds. When I was down to a 10mm buzz cut (literally almost bald) the shedding began, and i could see my scalp at all lights. (Made me respect the Hairpill a shitton. Being that short buzzed is pure sui. I NEVER went out without wearing caps)
Mind you, at that time I was working in retail, and usually took the position as the cashier. Meaning, I saw how people reacted to me for a peroid 8hrs straight for a day. And seeing how people reacted to me when I was buzzed, in comparisson how they did with medium hair was truly an eye opener.
But once it stopped, and my hair was grown out, I noticed the babyhairs finally growing out. I recovered, and became the NW1 that I was on preroids again.
For reference, when I made the pull-test ( https://donovanmedical.com/hair-blog/positive-pull-test ), and grabbed my whole scalp almost, there was NO Hairs comming out, what so ever. It was a huge lifefuel.
During the phase of me going onto my anti-hairloss protocol, I was taking 100mg test e14d, and didnt experience any sides with the finasteride, nor RU. I was still able to get my boners, I still had my libido. But obv my mentall health wasnt as good as on.
The Hairpill left its scars, ngl
(Family history of MPB: Fathers side- Dad, NW2; All my uncles either NW1.5-2, My grandpa literally a NW1.5 at the age of 80;; Mothers side- Uncles (just one) NW3, Father (passed away at 40, was a cancercel) NW1.5)
Seeing how the people reacted to me buzzed was so terrible, I cant even put it into words. I promised to myself to EVER stay a NW1cel at ALL COSTS (meaning instant HT at Nw2, wearing hairsystems when im a 50yo diffuse thinnercel, going of test if its needed)
I began shedding again the past 2 weeks. I noticed 10-15hairs everytime in the shampoo. Time to go off boyos.
Lets so how this goes. Now on 60mg test e e7d.
TLRD; I took test for my mental health, enjoyed it, loved it, noticed babyhairs (knew that i have the MPB-Gene), went on my Anti-Hairloss Protocol, buzzed down, scared of losing hair now because the people treated me like a subhuman while buzzed, shedding again
Let me start by sharing the points why I kept being on it for so long, and why I now want to quit.
At first, the positive aspects of being on was the mentality on it. Before going on I was having huge problems with my mental health, and geniully was living in a very very stressful environment. Suicide was the action I was always thinking about, and that was pre .me, and pre the PSL autism.
Reason for that was my drug habits, my parents, my social circle, and my future, mental illness (esp. hypogonadism about mentall illness, i was obsessing over maybe developing schizophrenia over a span of a year, because I once had a "LSD"-Flashback when I smoked weed with a friend of mine. When I had my hypogonadism phase, my life was definitelly at its worst. Especially with Hypogonadism, if you have to much time to spare, and are to obsessive about everything is pure hell. Luckily I dont have it anymore.) literally everything was trash and unlievable.
I knew about the effects that Testosterone had at the time, because I was always research about anything that was gymcelling related. And since I never lied to myself, and was kinda blackpilled back then, I proceeded to do my research about Testosterone, and Its effect on the body + mental health.
Especially the mental ones were definitelly speaked to me, since I was refusing to go to the (((psychiatrist))) and (probably) get my (((SSRIs))) perscriped (For the side effects, gaining weight, becoming soy, having ED, low libido, all that kind of stuff u know).
I was lurking alot on Hypogonadism subreddit, watching videos on how to boost your Testosterone levels naturally, and watching the YouTuber "bignoknow", reading lots of anecdotes on people going on steroids, and came to the conclussion that if you want to have better and more consistent Testosterone Levels (not just "better", but "optimal") you need to get on it.
So it happened, as soon as I got my first paycheck I recieved (literally by delievering newspaper) I ordered some yellow-orange gold.
I remember one thing clearly (right off the boat, i NEVER made mistakes while injecting), it was summer, I wanted to make my first injection, and was so scared that I was sweating like crazy, and getting an blackout
ROFLMAO: funny to think about now, test inj. are really nothing to be worried about, with the right sirenge you dont even notice it)But as soon as the effects started to hit (for reference, I was at 250mg test e e5d at that time) I instantly became a new person. It was insane.
The depression went away, I became way more optimistic about my future, and finally had dreams again. It was a full on victory in my book, if you ask me.
-I didnt obsess over mentall illnesses anymore
-became redpilled in the sense that I was always doing something, that is worthy in my future
-gymcell actively (I'm just going to make this one a small point, since getting "ON" for the gains was not the main reason. You geniully want to go to the gym when ur on test, its almost like a feeling that your body needs the gym jfl, despite me: sleeping for 2-3hrs a day, not eating anything (and if I do, it was McDonalds, or other fast food) and generally not watching my diet AT ALL, I managed to go from 64kgs at that time to 78kgs @ 184, about 12-15% bf, 16.5cm wrists and 19.5cm ankles (i know its not that much considedring that im on test, but also look at the points above and knowing im a fragile bonecel it goes to show how effective test is. Despite me being a wristcel, my natty and completely-lean bidelt is 20.5in, and it had to be 22in on test, I was definitelly wide lol)
-become way more outgoing because the anxiety and depression just went away
-enjoyed life. which is CRAZY considering that there was a time where I was (and it wasnt for a short period of time, it started when I was 12, and at 16-17 it was at its peak ((serious depression, not the meme one where youre angry at your parents because they didnt buy u that new iphone))) 100% sure that I will kill myself in the next 5 years.
Testosterone mentally was a full on victory for me.
BUT
There is a reason for why Im posting on this site. I found it, after I was researching a little about babyhairs (came to the result that its one of the first sign of male pattern baldness), and found some anecdotes on (I think?) 2 users being on RU58841 and on TRT.
Testosterone was overally positive for me, but that one negative point (atleast in my opinion) overshadows the positive ones. Don't mess with your hair, is pretty clear. Especially if you see those top-model morphs with a NW3 hairline.
At that point I would still say that I was a NW1, but with babyhairs. With those babyhairs excluded I was probably a NW1.5-1.75 ngl..
After recovering from the mental trauma of knowing I might not be able to roid in the future anymore, I went on my anti-hairloss protocol, it consists:
-0.5mg e2d
-75mg/ml ru ed
-Dermarolling once a week
-MK667 15mg ed
The shed was crazy, and It completely killed my ego. At that time I also decided to buzzcut, and it just put salt in my wounds. When I was down to a 10mm buzz cut (literally almost bald) the shedding began, and i could see my scalp at all lights. (Made me respect the Hairpill a shitton. Being that short buzzed is pure sui. I NEVER went out without wearing caps)
Mind you, at that time I was working in retail, and usually took the position as the cashier. Meaning, I saw how people reacted to me for a peroid 8hrs straight for a day. And seeing how people reacted to me when I was buzzed, in comparisson how they did with medium hair was truly an eye opener.
But once it stopped, and my hair was grown out, I noticed the babyhairs finally growing out. I recovered, and became the NW1 that I was on preroids again.
For reference, when I made the pull-test ( https://donovanmedical.com/hair-blog/positive-pull-test ), and grabbed my whole scalp almost, there was NO Hairs comming out, what so ever. It was a huge lifefuel.
During the phase of me going onto my anti-hairloss protocol, I was taking 100mg test e14d, and didnt experience any sides with the finasteride, nor RU. I was still able to get my boners, I still had my libido. But obv my mentall health wasnt as good as on.
The Hairpill left its scars, ngl
(Family history of MPB: Fathers side- Dad, NW2; All my uncles either NW1.5-2, My grandpa literally a NW1.5 at the age of 80;; Mothers side- Uncles (just one) NW3, Father (passed away at 40, was a cancercel) NW1.5)
Seeing how the people reacted to me buzzed was so terrible, I cant even put it into words. I promised to myself to EVER stay a NW1cel at ALL COSTS (meaning instant HT at Nw2, wearing hairsystems when im a 50yo diffuse thinnercel, going of test if its needed)
I began shedding again the past 2 weeks. I noticed 10-15hairs everytime in the shampoo. Time to go off boyos.
Lets so how this goes. Now on 60mg test e e7d.
TLRD; I took test for my mental health, enjoyed it, loved it, noticed babyhairs (knew that i have the MPB-Gene), went on my Anti-Hairloss Protocol, buzzed down, scared of losing hair now because the people treated me like a subhuman while buzzed, shedding again
