breadyl
Bronze
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- Jan 5, 2024
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Skip the first half if you want the more intresting part.
Also i never have said most of this stuff about my parents especialy that of my dad to anybody
my life is a fucking shit show since im a todler grew up as a broke kid with a single mother that is also narcicistic.Never had anything special as a kid and needed to walk sround with shoes for example that were going apart my scool bag was from a charity shop(tafeladen in german) and got bullied in kindergarden school and never had real friends i got invited in my whole fkn life to myabe 3 birthdays 2 of rhem were in kindergarden.I was always a loner because i was a only child and my mom was working al day.she also forced me to playing the piano aince i was 6 ,and almost never let me go outside even if i wanted to make friends in the park.so i never could even get the chance to form a human conection.She also did beat the shit out of me if i failed some exams,but if it would be only the beating it would be managable but the worst part was the mental abuse she made me feel like i wasnt even shit i was nothing just a joke/embaresment to the family.she would beat me until i could not breathe or scream anymore and smashed my head when i was litle into the wall/floor many times,she would get like a demonic face and when i was beaten and laying on the floor she would come one inch to my face and like not even speak more like exhale the words like demons.She would gave me teaching lessons becaus she is a piano teacher but those lesons were more like torture i had to sit with her in a locked room and practice with her for sometimes over 4 hours while geting beaten and called all kinda stuff.She offcours also manipulated me by saying that all people hate me and despice me and so on.My father was a alcoholic weed/coke +other unknown stuff addict that i saw maybe 1 a year.
All this what i just said happened when i was like 5 to 12 years old.
Due to all that abuse and also boredom becaus i had nothing to stimulate i was overeating since im 9 and got fat so i also got bullied in school and also becaus of my antisocial behavior that resulted from my experience.Ofcourse if i had no friend being with girl was in a other dimension in that point of my life.
When i was like 13 my father died of lung cancer that also hurt me becaus the last year of his life he lived in my city so i met him a few times a week.And i also had the chance to bond to him also becaus i found comfort that he was not like my mother.
But also that illusion shattered when we were on vacation(you need to know hes italian and we always went to italy in the holidays to relatives)
So we went to italy and and went to a far relative so he started to have withdravel symptoms becaus he was out of his hometown and had no source for drugs besides alcohol.
So he also started to beat me up for like the most minor things (we slept in one big bed ) like exhaling to loudly or mowing around to scratch myself.even when he left he said if i move one inch he would beat the shit out of me.One night i was comanded to stay in bed and dont do anything but i overheard him talking outside with that relative due to the open window in the summer, and they were talking about : keeping it short he said he kinda dont likes me and dont loves me to...
I thought about suicide a few times before but never did it before becaus i thought my dad would be sad.
So i was unloved by everybody.
At this point i was like realy without anything.The next day after my father said that i ran away and i had to go over a like 25 M tall bridge i was standing there like for 40 minutes just thinking if i should just end it.but im afraid of heights so i did not do it.
And after my dads death it went on a few years like that with my mom i was also heavely disturbed by the dath of my father beacus of the lack of atachment i would be clingy even if i got abused.becaus atleast the abuser was a sure thing.In all that time from like 8 to 15 i was rotting at home broke fat and so on.Speaking in general my whole childhood was fucked and also my teenage years,wasted time.
After that i came in a fosterhome because finaly had enough of the shit of my mother and beat her up a few times(never as hard as she did)
Becaus i was getting stronger and not that easy to pic on anymore (atleast bodywise)
In school i became the most silent guy i was like a ghost in the new school and the first two years never went out or so.i was lonely anoher 2 years of my teenage years like from 14 to 16.At 16 i started to finaly get into puberty and and grow and i became more thin.
So after the 2 years i finaly found some friends to hang out and do some teenage shit.that lasted until i turned 17 .moved again back to my mum and since then im pretty much rotting again alone since im 17 im 19 now and can atlest mask my nd so people think im cool but still there is a thing that i will never achive anymore.
Also i never have said most of this stuff about my parents especialy that of my dad to anybody
my life is a fucking shit show since im a todler grew up as a broke kid with a single mother that is also narcicistic.Never had anything special as a kid and needed to walk sround with shoes for example that were going apart my scool bag was from a charity shop(tafeladen in german) and got bullied in kindergarden school and never had real friends i got invited in my whole fkn life to myabe 3 birthdays 2 of rhem were in kindergarden.I was always a loner because i was a only child and my mom was working al day.she also forced me to playing the piano aince i was 6 ,and almost never let me go outside even if i wanted to make friends in the park.so i never could even get the chance to form a human conection.She also did beat the shit out of me if i failed some exams,but if it would be only the beating it would be managable but the worst part was the mental abuse she made me feel like i wasnt even shit i was nothing just a joke/embaresment to the family.she would beat me until i could not breathe or scream anymore and smashed my head when i was litle into the wall/floor many times,she would get like a demonic face and when i was beaten and laying on the floor she would come one inch to my face and like not even speak more like exhale the words like demons.She would gave me teaching lessons becaus she is a piano teacher but those lesons were more like torture i had to sit with her in a locked room and practice with her for sometimes over 4 hours while geting beaten and called all kinda stuff.She offcours also manipulated me by saying that all people hate me and despice me and so on.My father was a alcoholic weed/coke +other unknown stuff addict that i saw maybe 1 a year.
All this what i just said happened when i was like 5 to 12 years old.
Due to all that abuse and also boredom becaus i had nothing to stimulate i was overeating since im 9 and got fat so i also got bullied in school and also becaus of my antisocial behavior that resulted from my experience.Ofcourse if i had no friend being with girl was in a other dimension in that point of my life.
When i was like 13 my father died of lung cancer that also hurt me becaus the last year of his life he lived in my city so i met him a few times a week.And i also had the chance to bond to him also becaus i found comfort that he was not like my mother.
But also that illusion shattered when we were on vacation(you need to know hes italian and we always went to italy in the holidays to relatives)
So we went to italy and and went to a far relative so he started to have withdravel symptoms becaus he was out of his hometown and had no source for drugs besides alcohol.
So he also started to beat me up for like the most minor things (we slept in one big bed ) like exhaling to loudly or mowing around to scratch myself.even when he left he said if i move one inch he would beat the shit out of me.One night i was comanded to stay in bed and dont do anything but i overheard him talking outside with that relative due to the open window in the summer, and they were talking about : keeping it short he said he kinda dont likes me and dont loves me to...
I thought about suicide a few times before but never did it before becaus i thought my dad would be sad.
So i was unloved by everybody.
At this point i was like realy without anything.The next day after my father said that i ran away and i had to go over a like 25 M tall bridge i was standing there like for 40 minutes just thinking if i should just end it.but im afraid of heights so i did not do it.
And after my dads death it went on a few years like that with my mom i was also heavely disturbed by the dath of my father beacus of the lack of atachment i would be clingy even if i got abused.becaus atleast the abuser was a sure thing.In all that time from like 8 to 15 i was rotting at home broke fat and so on.Speaking in general my whole childhood was fucked and also my teenage years,wasted time.
After that i came in a fosterhome because finaly had enough of the shit of my mother and beat her up a few times(never as hard as she did)
Becaus i was getting stronger and not that easy to pic on anymore (atleast bodywise)
In school i became the most silent guy i was like a ghost in the new school and the first two years never went out or so.i was lonely anoher 2 years of my teenage years like from 14 to 16.At 16 i started to finaly get into puberty and and grow and i became more thin.
So after the 2 years i finaly found some friends to hang out and do some teenage shit.that lasted until i turned 17 .moved again back to my mum and since then im pretty much rotting again alone since im 17 im 19 now and can atlest mask my nd so people think im cool but still there is a thing that i will never achive anymore.
At this point life can't get harder for you, there's only up from here. You have the choice to stop the abuse you've suffered from living on by treating people with kindness and love, my mother was the one who broke that chain of abuse. And likewise, you can be the one who breaks it for your children just like my mother did for me.
