My story: ascenscion, mentally ill girl, and blackpill realising kinda

[kantero]

Hi
As you can see, I'm pretty old user here and I also used to be on incels.is, but i was inactive for a long time.
The reason is I ascended... at least I thought so, or maybe it's subjective.

So there was a girl i liked in 5th grade, a lot of cuck tears of mine for nothing - she ditched me.
Then its 10-11 grades, we hangout in the same company but I became more redpilled and tried manipulations on girls etc
School ends and wow, she told for these 2 years that she likes me, cried so much for me and i didn't notice it cuz of my incelness and low self-esteem
I try to ask her to go out, but the first week i do cuck shit - "let's be together?" she already said kinda no but i pushed.
Now, after 2 years of LTR i know that she is mentally ill, we had sex, i always talked blackpill in her face, but i'm pretty humanistic and really tried to help her and get into some yoga shit, like peace and love and overcoming inner animal, and that makes sense, but women are fucking stupid and evil.

I'm impulsive and too humanistic and it's not like u can find good-looking girl that easy and get sex, so i need to keep her around for sex but i just can't stop treating her as person. She is infantilizmic, mentally ill always finding problems from nowhere, dont want to work on realtionships and it seems like she is bitch or lesbian (she never had sex interest but she got it 1 year ago but only in form of uncontrollable dreams with orgams about fat women, food, lesbian sex and rarely but she dream about infidelity with men when knowing about me, jfl).

The moral: world is fucked, i dont know how but i need to become more animalistic cruel and egoistic or i wont survive. It's either jerking off without sex or becoming non-human and somehow keep this bitch at least for time to have sex with her.
I'm too drained after these 2 years, but if'you re interested i will probably try to add something about my story.
I also wanna ask u serious advice - how can i stop treating her and women like people? Should i hang out with her, hang out only when she calls or have her for sex only? I don't want to attach her and keep feeding her weaknesses and illnesses with my health and life energy.

Sorry for bad language and structure but i feel rly tired after another shit day of her mentall illness shit, but i thought i wanna write it here, and disccusc maybe

 

[Deleted member 3702]

Not a single pixel

 

[Deleted member 4430]

fuken chad

 

[kantero]

fuken chad

The fact that i managed to get sex from girl who doesnt have libido for me or men at all, after a lot of stress... truly, its pointless and life is pain
I understand you, but its no bragging, sex isnt that good when girl dont want you, and sex wont save u from this amount of non-humanity shit
I cant even become egoist whos feeding his ego by having sex slave, im too soft morally, too good for this stupid world sorry for sounding narcisistic

 

[The Bleach Pill]

ill read it if u pay me ngl

 

[kantero]

I'm not even hoping for small amount of people lurking here to read my post cuz noone cares and most people here are probably too autistic or dead-inside to be srs about something
Sometimes we just need illusion, that's mine for today

 

[kantero]

The most hilarious thing that all classmates etc called me psycho when irl im not just npc-normies as them, life is truly unfair and stupid

 

[Deleted member 6191]

Brb acsension w no pics

OK let me read

 

[Deleted member 9274]

 

[Golang]

Unironically inject T

 

[kantero]

View attachment 639431

Holy fuck 1k posts for 1 week, this place is autists only

 

[Deleted member 6191]

Hi
As you can see, I'm pretty old user here and I also used to be on incels.is, but i was inactive for a long time.
The reason is I ascended... at least I thought so, or maybe it's subjective.

So there was a girl i liked in 5th grade, a lot of cuck tears of mine for nothing - she ditched me.
Then its 10-11 grades, we hangout in the same company but I became more redpilled and tried manipulations on girls etc
School ends and wow, she told for these 2 years that she likes me, cried so much for me and i didn't notice it cuz of my incelness and low self-esteem
I try to ask her to go out, but the first week i do cuck shit - "let's be together?" she already said kinda no but i pushed.
Now, after 2 years of LTR i know that she is mentally ill, we had sex, i always talked blackpill in her face, but i'm pretty humanistic and really tried to help her and get into some yoga shit, like peace and love and overcoming inner animal, and that makes sense, but women are fucking stupid and evil.

I'm impulsive and too humanistic and it's not like u can find good-looking girl that easy and get sex, so i need to keep her around for sex but i just can't stop treating her as person. She is infantilizmic, mentally ill always finding problems from nowhere, dont want to work on realtionships and it seems like she is bitch or lesbian (she never had sex interest but she got it 1 year ago but only in form of uncontrollable dreams with orgams about fat women, food, lesbian sex and rarely but she dream about infidelity with men when knowing about me, jfl).

The moral: world is fucked, i dont know how but i need to become more animalistic cruel and egoistic or i wont survive. It's either jerking off without sex or becoming non-human and somehow keep this bitch at least for time to have sex with her.
I'm too drained after these 2 years, but if'you re interested i will probably try to add something about my story.
I also wanna ask u serious advice - how can i stop treating her and women like people? Should i hang out with her, hang out only when she calls or have her for sex only? I don't want to attach her and keep feeding her weaknesses and illnesses with my health and life energy.

Sorry for bad language and structure but i feel rly tired after another shit day of her mentall illness shit, but i thought i wanna write it here, and disccusc maybe

The girl you're with was not mentally well, and I guess during your phasing through redpill and blackpill and entering and both, it got confusing [reminder never use retarded manipulation techniques as well for futre]. do not let this experience take over what you assume to be the "world"
You'll be in a worse scenario if you treat them less than people jfl, you'll both be more toxic to each other, if you're not comfortable nor trying to get her to improve her instability then you should both leave each other

 

[kantero]

Unironically inject T

Maybe i am kinda lower t, but it's pretty obvious that it can be evolution experiment + life experience that led me to trying to understand everything. Maybe i was raised like that. Not all people are at same level of animalistic behaviour man. And that's so stupid that i need to become more of an animal to cope with this stupid matrix

 

[Deleted member 4430]

double post

 

[Deleted member 4430]

The fact that i managed to get sex from girl who doesnt have libido for me or men at all, after a lot of stress... truly, its pointless and life is pain
I understand you, but its no bragging, sex isnt that good when girl dont want you, and sex wont save u from this amount of non-humanity shit
I cant even become egoist whos feeding his ego by having sex slave, im too soft morally, too good for this stupid world sorry for sounding narcisistic

I still dont see what you have to sacrifice for the relationship with her or for that sex. It all sounds like you happen to come into a relationship and now you trying to manipulate her into somewhere, what suits you (example the dream, it means practically nothing).

This, of course, does not exclude the possibilty that she can be crazy

 

[Deleted member 6191]

I still dont see what you have sacrifice for a relationship with her or for that sex. It all sounds like you happen to come into a relationship and now you trying to manipulate her into somewhere, what suits you (example the dream, it means practically nothing).

This, of course, does not exclude the possibilty that she can be crazy

Toxic relationship tbh

 

[kantero]

The girl you're with was not mentally well, and I guess during your phasing through redpill and blackpill and entering and both, it got confusing [reminder never use retarded manipulation techniques as well for futre]. do not let this experience take over what you assume to be the "world"
You'll be in a worse scenario if you treat them less than people jfl, you'll both be more toxic to each other, if you're not comfortable nor trying to get her to improve her instability then you should both leave each other

Yes, being manipulative is shit if you're not after some short-term sex, you want get normal relationship with it.
But i think its over cuz i hear irl and see for 2 years of blackpill and other pills what people nowadays, especially women...
Plus im not really extroverted, ive got no interest in talking about nothing what most people do
I just dont know where to find mentally stable and smart girl not some npc who got a bf cuz everyone does so or to get money etc

 

[kantero]

I still dont see what you have to sacrifice for the relationship with her or for that sex. It all sounds like you happen to come into a relationship and now you trying to manipulate her into somewhere, what suits you (example the dream, it means practically nothing).

This, of course, does not exclude the possibilty that she can be crazy

Ive had trauma with people using me and being bitch about me cuz i just was straight and for good things, wasnt like others
Im very ez to be hurted if i dont get respect or if some senseless shit going on... people call it "you're too idealistic" i guess

Dream i meant when she's asleep she get orgasms aftet these dreams

 

[Deleted member 6856]

I agree bro,mirin ascension get rid of this whore asap btw

 

[kantero]

We're in toxic relationships but i always try to fix it, but it seems unfixable cuz she is either mentally ill (bipolar or something else with anxiety and mood swings totally) or cuz she isn't ready for relationships like she is stupid, she is easily hurted by words or another opinion, she doesnt wanna talk about what bothers her and i just cant let her go cuz it feels so stupid and not normal... maybe im really too idealistic and i just cant fix her even with doctor i gave her

 

[kantero]

I agree bro,mirin ascension get rid of this whore asap btw

thanks, but its pointless cuz i still feel inferrior and im not really goodlooking although my gf says i am pretty goodlooking for her at least
and im too mentally ill or better to say acknowledge situation in the world and how everything works so to say, i dont think i ever will be able to at least relax and get my penis up for fucking... not thinking i will find anybody to fuck too cuz i just need sex i guess and it's chad privelege to write like this
i dont even get boners that ez tbh, maybe its cuz im not watching porn now for most time, but it seems like sex is more in my head that in my penis

 

[kantero]

You know ur cursed, u either dont have sex and feel inferrior cuz of it, or just cuz wanting sex = test and mental health, and if those are bad ur life will suck anyway
Or u have sex but u cant get it ez and u wont be satisfied anyway cuz its all pointless
If im not mistaken some guy Amnesia posts thoughts kinda similar to mine but he is hated here... Am i right?

 

[kantero]

And im getting more mentally ill or just realising that we dont exist, person is illusion, cuz we're adapting, we didnt pick our lives, we cant control them for most part
Like i want normal relationships but i know i wont get them so i need to adapt to think i want sex but i cant and i suffer again

 

[kantero]

If you've got good friends or family and you can get high of doing some work and getting money of this... just do it. Love ur family and friends for some degree, do what makes you happy, go for a walk, think less, castrate urself dunno... Life is pointless, but you dont have power to suicide anyway, so life is tournament for better genes and cope basically

 

[Vitruvian]

U were with a liberal slut. No father in her life. Try one with a father

 

[kantero]

U were with a liberal slut. No father in her life. Try one with a father

She's with father but father isnt main figure in her life, thats true
Fuck feminism, he was raised by single careerist mother, fuck ww2 and ussr and people overall
But anyway, its complex

 

[kantero]

That's such a painful feeling, an urge to talk and at the same time low energy and realistion of pointlessness of discussing anything

 

[Deleted member 4430]

she is easily hurted by words or another opinion, she doesnt wanna talk about what bothers her

Im very ez to be hurted if i dont get respect or if some senseless shit going on...

the problem is probably that you are too similar
just break up
if you want to have a relationship just for sex so, it won't work, you will be even more sick from it

 

[Deleted member 4209]

dark triad

 

[kantero]

the problem is probably that you are too similar
just break up
if you want to have a relationship just for sex so, it won't work, you will be even more sick from it

We're too simillar, that's pretty possible, but the thing is i cant stand stupidiness and senselesness when she cant stand someone with strong own opinion, she start to think its abuse. I'm pretty mature cuz i strive to be a better person and acknowledge irrational acting, when she is unable and unwilling in ltr at least (mental illness probably).
So its kinda different i guess.
And i kinda feel she is still needed for me, like i made her different from others, or maybe its my illustion... and im scared to be alone and without sex.
And sex... why do u think ill suffer more? Just wanna know your opinion more to analyze

 

[kantero]

And do u think its bad being too same? Can it be fixed? We were born at the same month, i do believe it play role cuz our personalities depends on it cuz of how weather and some shit affects us i guess

 

[kantero]

I told her that nothing will be fixed unless i change my behaviour so i said i wont help her anymore if she's ill, she need to help herself and im up for having sex and good time except for when shes feeling ill

 

[kantero]

It sounds sick but i still hope that i can adapt for sex-only mentality or just become easier about this all... or maybe it will help and stimulate her fix herself although her problem is that she wanna break up cuz i wont shut up about her being bad, cuz im not cuck

 

[kantero]

Anyway i wanna say thanks for all people who are serious here, nice to have convo and new information