Deleted member 3771
manlet
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2019
- Posts
- 376
- Reputation
- 502
I'm just curious if anyone feel this way . Since young ( around 8 years old ) , I have always convinced everyone on earth has thought of suicide at one or more points in their life but they just somehow find their ways to cope with living. When I went to college , I would ask start conversation with classmate who looks tired with ' Why do you want to die ? ' and I thought it is funny ( I still think it is today ), but 10/10 times they will end up being very uncomfortable and avoid me in the future.
Call me an retard but only recently I found that a lot of people , man and woman has lived their life without every thinking of death . At one point of life , I have determined for me there is no reason for me to live on if it was not for my family , I don't want them to be sad because of my suicide . Since I have decided to live , I think I have the responsible to live a NT life and be a high functioning member of society . I used to do pretty well in my study but a series of unfortunate event lead me to where I'm today ( childhood bullying , isolation , getting used by female )
Believe me when I say I have tried everything I can , exercise daily , go to gym , fasting , no-fap , regular sleep ,self improvement books. I really can't feel dopamine response doing what a healthy human will find fun , travelling , talking to people .
Every single time I planned to study or do anything productive , I can't help but my tiny brain keep questioning what is the point , whatever you do will not get you any where, and when I studied my ass off , I'm still going to be at the bottom of my class. I have to find new coping mechanism for me to keep doing what I do , and 9/10 of the times I'm shit at it.
Inb4 I got spammed self-pity or loser . Yes , I'm a loser but I never pity myself.
Call me an retard but only recently I found that a lot of people , man and woman has lived their life without every thinking of death . At one point of life , I have determined for me there is no reason for me to live on if it was not for my family , I don't want them to be sad because of my suicide . Since I have decided to live , I think I have the responsible to live a NT life and be a high functioning member of society . I used to do pretty well in my study but a series of unfortunate event lead me to where I'm today ( childhood bullying , isolation , getting used by female )
Believe me when I say I have tried everything I can , exercise daily , go to gym , fasting , no-fap , regular sleep ,self improvement books. I really can't feel dopamine response doing what a healthy human will find fun , travelling , talking to people .
Every single time I planned to study or do anything productive , I can't help but my tiny brain keep questioning what is the point , whatever you do will not get you any where, and when I studied my ass off , I'm still going to be at the bottom of my class. I have to find new coping mechanism for me to keep doing what I do , and 9/10 of the times I'm shit at it.
Inb4 I got spammed self-pity or loser . Yes , I'm a loser but I never pity myself.