no one is coming

[Orc]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

 

[obscuredusk]

No love for neurodivergents

 

[MyDreamIsToBe183CM]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

no you will find love because I said so

 

[superpsycho]

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

relatable

 

[Orc]

no you will find love because I said so

I've never been told I'm loved in my entire life not even by my parents, my relationships don't last long enough for that.

 

[MyDreamIsToBe183CM]

I've never been told I'm loved in my entire life not even by my parents, my relationships don't last long enough for that.

Your loved by everybody here on .org

 

[Hernan]

I've never been told I'm loved in my entire life not even by my parents, my relationships don't last long enough for that.

i love you orcie.

 

[RecessedCels]

This is gonna be pure cope but you seem like a generally nice and guy and you also obviously look good. There's just no way you won't find someone

 

[MyDreamIsToBe183CM]

i love you orcie.

I said it first

 

[shiezen]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

ND the most brutal pill ever

 

[Orc]

This is gonna be pure cope but you seem like a generally nice and guy and you also obviously look good. There's just no way you won't find someone

I'm trying my hard to limit my expressions because I just have too much to share, too much to say, too much to process. and if I feel too comfortable everyone just leaves because it's too much for them to handle.

my school years left me with the kind of ptsd you expect in war veterans if it ain't worse.

 

[MyDreamIsToBe183CM]

I'm trying my hard to limit my expressions because I just have too much to share, too much to say, too much to process. and if I feel too comfortable everyone just leaves because it's too much for them to handle.

my school years left me with the kind of ptsd you expect in war veterans if it ain't worse.

I’m sorry man im still a teenager so i dont know how you feel but if just 1 year of me completely hiding myself from society completely fucked me over I can’t imagine what your going through

 

[RecessedCels]

I'm trying my hard to limit my expressions because I just have too much to share, too much to say, too much to process. and if I feel too comfortable everyone just leaves because it's too much for them to handle.

my school years left me with the kind of ptsd you expect in war veterans if it ain't worse.

I think speaking and expressing yourself too much is better than being awfully quiet. It's better than just being plain boring.

What happened during your school years though?

 

[Poisonpunk3]

The moment I realized it was you who posted this thread, I stopped reading.

 

[trashbinxoxo]

I am

 

[ropemax]

dm me i will do a ritual/spell to make you find the one because your story is touching

 

[nobodylovesme]

Seems like you just need to trip or do MDMA. Life's not that serious, just see it as absurd and chill.

 

[flatcheck213]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

In ND and ugly

 

[Hernan]

I said it first

shut your bean head ass up.

 

[Orc]

I think speaking and expressing yourself too much is better than being awfully quiet. It's better than just being plain boring.

What happened during your school years though?

too much happened, pretty much every teacher we had was abusive, and those that weren't didn't last long, in dutch special schools it's common practice to use 'pain stimuli' which is the tradition knee in your neck, your arm twisted behind your back, or your thumb towards your elbow, often with 3+ teachers at the same time.

my first day at school I was send to a 'doctor' and I kid you not, had to suffer through an actual penis inspection after which they called me deformed, and my grandmother was there with me the entire time and coaxed me to undress like it was normal, after that I had already given up hope to be honest, but what followed was just years of having to deal with the absolute mongoloids that populate special education, lots of verbal abuse from teachers (was told I was a loser without future multiple times, I can also get secondhand accounts of this if needed)

and this was normal at this school, I can get a friend who I still know from this school to confirm that this happened to everyone.

 

[RecessedCels]

too much happened, pretty much every teacher we had was abusive, and those that weren't didn't last long, in dutch special schools it's common practice to use 'pain stimuli' which is the tradition knee in your neck, your arm twisted behind your back, or your thumb towards your elbow, often with 3+ teachers at the same time.

my first day at school I was send to a 'doctor' and I kid you not, had to suffer through an actual penis inspection after which they called me deformed, and my grandmother was there with me the entire time and coaxed me to undress like it was normal, after that I had already given up hope to be honest, but what followed was just years of having to deal with the absolute mongoloids that populate special education, lots of verbal abuse from teachers (was told I was a loser without future multiple times, I can also get secondhand accounts of this if needed)

and this was normal at this school, I can get a friend who I still know from this school to confirm that this happened to everyone.

How the hell is that even legal in a developed country ? That's literally a torture camp you're forced to attend everyday. Calling you deformed and humiliating you like that is outrageous. They genuinely stunted your mental development. Saying that type of stuff to a child is setting it up for a failure. Man that is really unfair and I have no idea how you could try to reverse any of the damage

 

[Bitterschön]

I feel you bro. Being ND is just shit

 

[Orc]

How the hell is that even legal in a developed country ? That's literally a torture camp you're forced to attend everyday. Calling you deformed and humiliating you like that is outrageous. They genuinely stunted your mental development. Saying that type of stuff to a child is setting it up for a failure. Man that is really unfair and I have no idea how you could try to reverse any of the damage

it's not, it's just not enforced because no one gives a shit about special needs kids.

here's an article on it: https://www.defenceforchildren.nl/a...n-en-geweld-in-nederlandse-jeugdinstellingen/

you couldn't even graduate and they only had old books from the lowest form of education, all you could get is a certification that isn't even formally recognized anywhere.

 

[RecessedCels]

it's not, it's just not enforced because no one gives a shit about special needs kids.

here's an article on it: https://www.defenceforchildren.nl/a...n-en-geweld-in-nederlandse-jeugdinstellingen/

you couldn't even graduate and they only had old books from the lowest form of education, all you could get is a certification that isn't even formally recognized anywhere.

Yeah special needs people in general are seen as lost causes. Really fucked up as mistreatment affects them even more than it would affect someone who's neurotypical. So you don't have like any actual education now?

 

[Orc]

Yeah special needs people in general are seen as lost causes. Really fucked up as mistreatment affects them even more than it would affect someone who's neurotypical. So you don't have like any actual education now?

nope, dropped out so I've got pretty much nothing going for me.

 

[RecessedCels]

nope, dropped out so I've got pretty much nothing going for me.

So you can't even really try to study further anymore?

 

[Orc]

So you can't even really try to study further anymore?

I have severe ptsd for schooling in general I literally cannot comfortably sit in a building anymore or deal with teachers.

 

[RecessedCels]

I have severe ptsd for schooling in general I literally cannot comfortably sit in a building anymore or deal with teachers.

Fucking brutal man. How do you get money?

 

[Orc]

Fucking brutal man. How do you get money?

declared fully incapacitated I get a living wage and free healthcare no matter what I do.

 

[RecessedCels]

declared fully incapacitated I get a living wage and free healthcare no matter what I do.

Oh well that's great then. What's your disability if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Orc]

Oh well that's great then. What's your disability if you don't mind me asking?

it's literally below my username.

 

[RecessedCels]

it's literally below my username.

Oh I didn't know you could declared incapacitated unless it's like extreme level

 

[davidlaidisme67]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

I’m cumming rn wdym

 

[Orc]

Oh I didn't know you could declared incapacitated unless it's like extreme level

you can't anymore I fall under old regulations.

 

[RecessedCels]

you can't anymore I fall under old regulations.

At least that's something positive

 

[sub5outsider]

i accepted the fact that i will mostly likely die alone theres no one out there for me i never felt like belong anywhere im alone i was always like that since the first conscious moment of my life

 

[Orc]

At least that's something positive

it just allows me to rot at ease.

 

[sub5outsider]

I'm trying my hard to limit my expressions because I just have too much to share, too much to say, too much to process. and if I feel too comfortable everyone just leaves because it's too much for them to handle.

my school years left me with the kind of ptsd you expect in war veterans if it ain't worse.

my school years fucked me too from 7 to 18 i was always the reject the outcast the lowest of the low no one wanted me in their group isolation was more painful then anything but i dont judge them i had nothing to offer

 

[RecessedCels]

it just allows me to rot at ease.

What do you do all day?

 

[Orc]

What do you do all day?

lately just rotting on bed too depressed to do much but if I'm feeling good I garden, kayak, cook, look at plants in nature all day and bugs.

 

[LegendaryKennen]

in the words of lord goatis: "if u cant love urself, then u cant love someone else. thats why ur relationships fail"

 

[lurker999]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

Ok

 

[XxeroxX-_-XxeroxX]

at some point I think I'll have to make peace with the fact that there just isn't anyone out there for me, not in a poetic 'wasn't at the right place at the right moment' kind of way, but in the colder more statistical sense that whatever combination of traits make up me, just doesn't register as human enough to be chosen, not in friendship, not in love, not even as something platonic

it's not even about looks, I'm not struggling with how I look, I don't think I've ever been rejected over them, I get plenty swipes, people compliment me and initially show curiosity, but it never roots, because that's all it gets you, they stop and look, but it doesn't make them stay, and they never stay

the limiting factor is just personality, and I don't mean that it's difficult in a romanticized messy cute way, I mean that whatever I am fundamentally doesn't fit, my baseline is just too overwhelming, too blunt and too odd, too me, I guess, I can try my best to write the right replies for a while and mirror their done, mimic enthusiasm, but there's always a point where the real texture of me shows through and that's when they always pull away

I used to think it was just about the 'right person' but after enough failed attempts and silences you start realizing, that there's no right person, maybe there's no demographic for you, there's no niche community, no secret corner of the internet where someone will hear you speak and get it without it sounding wrong

it's not that I'm misunderstood, I'm understood well enough for people to know they want less of me

so I think this is the part where I stop hoping, not out of melodrama, but because the data is is consistent, it's not a fear of rejection, it's just pattern recognition.

there's not romantic subplot waiting for me, no closeness coming, just the long quiet work of figuring out how to live with that, of carrying all this internal noise without ever having someone next to me and hear it without flinching

and that has to be enough, because that's all there is

I wish I could find solace in meaningless sex with women because that's quite easy to get, but I can't even do that.

Bro just open a fb dating profile. There are many woman there who are looking for something serious and more meaningful. Get matches, then filter them out until you get one with who you vibe the most. Is not that complicated

 

[STAMPEDE]

I'm trying my hard to limit my expressions because I just have too much to share, too much to say, too much to process. and if I feel too comfortable everyone just leaves because it's too much for them to handle.

my school years left me with the kind of ptsd you expect in war veterans if it ain't worse.

Nah bro you don’t have war veteran type ptsd dude, stop complaining all day and do something, you don’t have it as bad as you make it out to be

 

[RecessedCels]

lately just rotting on bed too depressed to do much but if I'm feeling good I garden, kayak, cook, look at plants in nature all day and bugs.

I usually just rot in bed as well. Do you live near nature for you to be able to do all that? All old forests are quite far from my home

 

[RecessedCels]

in the words of lord goatis: "if u cant love urself, then u cant love someone else. thats why ur relationships fail"

No. His brain is just wired different

 

[Orc]

Nah bro you don’t have war veteran type ptsd dude, stop complaining all day and do somethin, you don’t have it as bad as you make it out to be

you have to literally fight daily in special ed, not in the figurative sense.

I usually just rot in bed as well. Do you live near nature for you to be able to do all that? All old forests are quite far from my home

only shitty patches of neglected shrubs around, no real forests, just parks with lots of other people to annoy you.

 

[RecessedCels]

parks with lots of other people to annoy you.

Ruins everything. I despise being around strangers so much. Wish I could just be alone

 

[Tusseleif]

you can't anymore I fall under old regulations.

High functioning autists don’t get diagnosed anymore in NL?

 

[Orc]

High functioning autists don’t get diagnosed anymore in NL?

they don't get benefits for it.