Only thing that gives me power is hatred

[MoggerGaston]

I think of myself as 'shrek', someone alienated by the people and treated like worthless shit.

Even though I rationally know this is no longer the case since I've become average-looking as an adult and ditched my abusive parents (I am an orphan now). And I am no longer treated with active hatred like I was before. I can avoid it now.

I can never forget how I was treated as a child and teenager. The anger and disgust I have for the world, everyone else. Hatred has been the only power that has truly let me out of my comfort zone. It's been the driving power of me looksmaxxing: anger and hatred over how I was treated.

There's no room for love, even for the short durations that I've had a girlfriend. I realized how privileged they were, and how they were loved their entire lives for who they are. While for me, even dating them, has been an act of dominance, an act of looks-maxxing, an action done out of hatred trying to ascend from what I was as a child/teenager.

Recently I ghosted the HTB-girl I fucked 1 month ago on our first-date. Why? Because I am conflicted.

I faked literally everything with her, my personality, my age, my past, my future-plans, everything. I told her what I knew she wanted to hear, and it worked.

This is my hatred-personality. I know that life is one big brutal competition. Fake everything, fraud everything. Do everything to get what you want in life.

On the other hand I have my pussy-depressed personality. Maybe it's the 'real-me'? I don't know. That is worried about not being valued for being 'me' whatever that is.
I think this other personality largely conflicts with the 'what I want' part.

I feel like I am largely trying to slay women, fuck hot women, out of societal pressure. I personally don't really care much about it in the general sense, beyond momentary moments of horniness. So even my 'hatred-personality' can't really care about women as a goal.

I struggle to find meaningful goals to direct my hatred towards as a source of energy. Life seems to be entirely fucked and worthless ngl.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Soundtrack of this topic:

 

[cytoplasm]

ascended too late. you were already a man by then, getting what you needed as a boy

 

[Vermilioncore]

Me too. But what if the hatred is directed toward myself? From me to me.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Me too. But what if the hatred is directed toward myself? From me to me.

You need to direct it outward, let the hate flow and feel the power

 

[bishōnenmaxxer]

I think of myself as 'shrek', someone alienated by the people and treated like worthless shit.

Even though I rationally know this is no longer the case since I've become average-looking as an adult and ditched my abusive parents (I am an orphan now). And I am no longer treated with active hatred like I was before. I can avoid it now.

I can never forget how I was treated as a child and teenager. The anger and disgust I have for the world, everyone else. Hatred has been the only power that has truly let me out of my comfort zone. It's been the driving power of me looksmaxxing: anger and hatred over how I was treated.

There's no room for love, even for the short durations that I've had a girlfriend. I realized how privileged they were, and how they were loved their entire lives for who they are. While for me, even dating them, has been an act of dominance, an act of looks-maxxing, an action done out of hatred trying to ascend from what I was as a child/teenager.

Recently I ghosted the HTB-girl I fucked 1 month ago on our first-date. Why? Because I am conflicted.

I faked literally everything with her, my personality, my age, my past, my future-plans, everything. I told her what I knew she wanted to hear, and it worked.

This is my hatred-personality. I know that life is one big brutal competition. Fake everything, fraud everything. Do everything to get what you want in life.

On the other hand I have my pussy-depressed personality. Maybe it's the 'real-me'? I don't know. That is worried about not being valued for being 'me' whatever that is.
I think this other personality largely conflicts with the 'what I want' part.

I feel like I am largely trying to slay women, fuck hot women, out of societal pressure. I personally don't really care much about it in the general sense, beyond momentary moments of horniness. So even my 'hatred-personality' can't really care about women as a goal.

I struggle to find meaningful goals to direct my hatred towards as a source of energy. Life seems to be entirely fucked and worthless ngl.

 

[bishōnenmaxxer]

Oh actually read the post you seem pretty fucked.

I say I hope you find inner peace one day, but we both know that neither of us will have have solace.

 

[apocalypse]

I love indulging in hate and self pity. It’s intoxicating.

 

[Clown Show]

 

[Abhorrence]

 

[Abhorrence]

we posted sith shit at the same time

 

[Clown Show]

we posted sith shit at the same time

Dark Side is based and real nigga shit

 

[ReadBooksEveryday]

This is the same dilemma many other photoshopping losers face

If you are good looking enough you can get away with being 'yourself'. Unfortunately majority of the userbase here is not only subchad, but they also lack any professional qualification, high salary, goals, friends, ambition, etc.

Ofc you will hate the world when you have to pretend to be something you're not nigga

 

[Danish_Retard]

Personally, I am much more happy not faking or hiding my personality at all despite alienating 90% of my social circle by doing it.

But the friends I have left a genuine and it gives me energy to be together with them instead of draining me.

But alas, that is also why I'm still a virgin despite having had chances to lose it by now, I just can't get myself to fake my personality for pussy, I can't imagine anything more cucked than that, you're basically just paying but in a different way, it's just as fake anyhow, even if you don't see it that way.

Also, how do you ever plan to meet anyone that you will actually connect with if you fake your entire personality? You're shooting yourself in the foot in the long run, sacrificing potential long term happiness for short term pleasure.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Personally, I am much more happy not faking or hiding my personality at all despite alienating 90% of my social circle by doing it.

But the friends I have left a genuine and it gives me energy to be together with them instead of draining me.

But alas, that is also why I'm still a virgin despite having had chances to lose it by now, I just can't get myself to fake my personality for pussy, I can't imagine anything more cucked than that, you're basically just paying but in a different way, it's just as fake anyhow, even if you don't see it that way.

I don't even know who I am or what my 'real' personality is. Maybe the personality I have on this forum? I don't know.

Also, how do you ever plan to meet anyone that you will actually connect with if you fake your entire personality?

Perhaps it's not that much that I am faking who I am, but rather that I have imposter syndrome. And therefore believe that people would never like 'the real me'. Which is the kid/teenage me that was bullied and rejected even by his own parents.

I honestly don't know if I will ever find someone I will connect with at this point.

My social connections are collapsing and I am become more isolated every year. And there's no sign of stopping or new life, beyond a couple first-dates every year.

 

[Deleted member 28691]

Some days i wake up feeling good and other days i wake up with a feeling like i am terminally ill and about to die.

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Some days i wake up feeling good and other days i wake up with a feeling like i am terminally ill and about to die.

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Very legit. Sometimes it feels like my heart is about to stop beating as there is so much weight, stress onto it.

 

[BoredPrince]

Anger gives me motivation and power, it's my strongest emotion...

I know I should stay away from it, but I improve my life the most when I feel the most anger

It feels that without it, I can't move forward