pprimus43
I am owed Sex
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On Saturday, June 4th, 2011, I packed up all of my most important belongings into my car, said
farewell to my mother, and drove off to face my destiny in the beautiful ocean-side town of Santa
Barbara. It was raining as I arrived in the vicinity, and I felt a sense of ominous foreboding as I entered
Isla Vista, my new home. My father met me outside my apartment; he came to help me move in.
The two of us walked up to the leasing office where they gave me my new set of keys, and then one
of the receptionists walked me to the apartment unit that I will be staying in for a month. I was
introduced to two new housemates who would only be there for one week. One of them was named
Artem, a quiet Russian student who went to UCSB; and the other, whose name I don’t remember, was a
tall blonde surfer-type boy who went to SBCC. I was annoyed at how tall and attractive he was, though I
didn’t show it.
After I unpacked all of my belongings, father and I went out for a quick lunch before I said goodbye to
him. And that was it. For the first time in my life, I was living independently, miles away from my
parents, in a new town. I felt a sudden sense of anxiety, fear, and trepidation; but I also felt a sense of
hope that my life could possibly change for the better. I exchanged small talk with my new housemates,
and they seemed nice enough. It was hard to believe that I was actually living in an apartment with two
other college students who I didn’t know until that day, especially for someone like me who has had
very minimal social interaction with other young people. It felt so odd and peculiar. I was uncertain of
what to expect, and the anxiety I felt from that uncertainty was overwhelming, but I knew I had to push
through this. I knew this was the major turning point of my life. My life was finally changing, and I had to
do my best to make that change a positive one.
The very first night was traumatic and gave me a very bad taste about everything. Through my
window I heard a lot of students partying outside, and I wondered, with a great amount of fear, how I
would ever be able to join in on their fun. That was the reason I was there, after all. I didn’t think I was
capable of it. Later in the night, I heard a boy and a girl having sex in the apartment above me. Just
knowing that other young men get to enjoy the pleasures of sex while I get none of it has always filled
me with envious rage, as well as bitter hatred towards the world; but to actually hear them doing it?
That was even more traumatizing. I was prepared for this, however. I had done a lot of research about
college life in the town of Isla Vista, and I knew that students had a lot of sex there. I had an inkling of a
suspicion that I would eventually hear or even see people doing such things if I lived in that
environment. Hell, the reason I moved there was because it was a sexually active place. I myself wanted
to be sexually active. But when I heard that couple above me having sex, I couldn’t help feeling vile and
miserable about it. I tried to calm myself down and convince myself that soon I will be doing the exact
same thing. How wrong I was.
farewell to my mother, and drove off to face my destiny in the beautiful ocean-side town of Santa
Barbara. It was raining as I arrived in the vicinity, and I felt a sense of ominous foreboding as I entered
Isla Vista, my new home. My father met me outside my apartment; he came to help me move in.
The two of us walked up to the leasing office where they gave me my new set of keys, and then one
of the receptionists walked me to the apartment unit that I will be staying in for a month. I was
introduced to two new housemates who would only be there for one week. One of them was named
Artem, a quiet Russian student who went to UCSB; and the other, whose name I don’t remember, was a
tall blonde surfer-type boy who went to SBCC. I was annoyed at how tall and attractive he was, though I
didn’t show it.
After I unpacked all of my belongings, father and I went out for a quick lunch before I said goodbye to
him. And that was it. For the first time in my life, I was living independently, miles away from my
parents, in a new town. I felt a sudden sense of anxiety, fear, and trepidation; but I also felt a sense of
hope that my life could possibly change for the better. I exchanged small talk with my new housemates,
and they seemed nice enough. It was hard to believe that I was actually living in an apartment with two
other college students who I didn’t know until that day, especially for someone like me who has had
very minimal social interaction with other young people. It felt so odd and peculiar. I was uncertain of
what to expect, and the anxiety I felt from that uncertainty was overwhelming, but I knew I had to push
through this. I knew this was the major turning point of my life. My life was finally changing, and I had to
do my best to make that change a positive one.
The very first night was traumatic and gave me a very bad taste about everything. Through my
window I heard a lot of students partying outside, and I wondered, with a great amount of fear, how I
would ever be able to join in on their fun. That was the reason I was there, after all. I didn’t think I was
capable of it. Later in the night, I heard a boy and a girl having sex in the apartment above me. Just
knowing that other young men get to enjoy the pleasures of sex while I get none of it has always filled
me with envious rage, as well as bitter hatred towards the world; but to actually hear them doing it?
That was even more traumatizing. I was prepared for this, however. I had done a lot of research about
college life in the town of Isla Vista, and I knew that students had a lot of sex there. I had an inkling of a
suspicion that I would eventually hear or even see people doing such things if I lived in that
environment. Hell, the reason I moved there was because it was a sexually active place. I myself wanted
to be sexually active. But when I heard that couple above me having sex, I couldn’t help feeling vile and
miserable about it. I tried to calm myself down and convince myself that soon I will be doing the exact
same thing. How wrong I was.
