She’s still in love. I treat her like dirt. I feel nothing.

[Fucksub5]

she was never attractive.
not in the conventional sense.
Lower-face ratio was a war crime. hip-to-waist ratio? nonexistent. she looked like a forgotten side character. i had to mentally photoshop her every time we had sex.

but she was pure. too pure.
laughed at my unfunny jokes. kissed my forehead after breakdowns. told me she saw the light in me.
i saw weakness in her eyes and i fell in love with how much power i had.

she used to write me letters. hand-written. long paragraphs about how she “felt safe” with me.
i used to read them while texting other girls.
i told her she was lucky i even looked at her.
i told her no one else would ever love her like me.
she believed it.

she still messages me. months later.
says she dreams about me. says she can’t move on.
she posts poems. indirect tweets. stories with sad music.
i leave them on seen.
i could ruin her again tomorrow if i wanted.

i watched her become obsessed with me. watched her sanity crack because i gave her just enough hope to keep her hanging.
i was the high she couldn’t get clean from.
and i never loved her. not really.
i loved how she made me feel.

her kindness was her flaw. i was the punishment for it.

don’t talk to me about guilt.
she begged to stay. i let her.
i am the best and worst thing that ever happened to her.

and i feel nothing.

 

[soggra]

Chads.org

 

[ToryToad]

Even tho it's your fault ,I feel you ,I have similar issues in my life where regret plays a big role