Some thoughts.

[Deleted member 10699]

Today I was feeling like shit: ugly, lonely, stupid, etc. I went out with some friends and I was still feeling horrible, like for ten minutes. After that, I stopped giving a shit and began to stop caring about the topics that were making me anxious before.

I can't be wrong when I say that, most of the times that I feel bad because of my lack of social skills, uglyness, stupidity, etc., I'm procrastinating in the Internet. I'm happy when I'm surrounded by people who like me, even though I'm almost 21 years old, and a kissless virgin (because of my social issues and because of my fear of believing that something good is happening to me). But I've realised that incels are not incels because of how woman standars have changed, but of how our interactions have changed (and because of their mental issues). Being isolated was not so common back in the days, but now, it's something normal.

Anyways, I wish you're having a nice day. Being a kissless virgin at my age feels bad, though. I hate when my normie friends talk about girls and I shut up and look away because of the envy I feel.

I want to become normal, so I can live a normal life like my friends. At least, to live the life that society expects me to live. But I'm not actor, and masking my autism for "normal" people damages my mental health in the long run (have tried to).

I would like to know some other people with autism, that won't judge me because of my lack of social skills, and that would try to know me, before labelling me and calling me ugly. I start to feel hate when I think of normal people. I don't want them to die, but I'm changing for them, but why are them superior to me? Fuck. I want to die again.

 

[Deleted member 6856]

Don't cope,there's a reason why you're incel by 21.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

I always end up with a lot of hate and negative thoughts when I think of how "normal" people have treated me, but I couldn't never harm someone because I dislike suffering. I hate them because I want to be like them, and I can't. And they just say it to my face. I'll never live a normal life, and I will go downhill from here. My mental health has been deteriorated a lot in the last years.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

Don't cope,there's a reason why you're incel by 21.

Mental issues. Some friends have crushed with me, give me iois, but I always had the fear that every hint I got was a trick that my mind was playing onda me because of my lack of understanding of the social rules when talking about dating. And my mind does that when something good is happening to me. I could, maybe, gymcel, ascend, go clubbing, and lose my virginity, but why would I do that? Why would I talk to someone that would've laughed at me before?

 

[Deleted member 6856]

Mental issues. Some friends have crushed with me, give me iois, but I always had the fear that every hint I got was a trick that my mind was playing onda me because of my lack of understanding of the social rules when talking about dating. And my mind does that when something good is happening to me.

@copingvolcel 2.0 tbh

 

[Deleted member 10699]

@copingvolcel 2.0 tbh

It goes towards paranoia, tho. Last year, a girl crushed on me, and her friends giggled when I passed, made jokes to her, etc. I was thinking that there was some complot against me and that they were "feeling" my autism and that they were moking me because of it. Damn insecurities.

 

[Deleted member 10699]

Now I'm playing COD with some friends and I feel good again. Solitude is my big problem. And it's not really related to looks...

 

[Deleted member 10699]

It's like my mood is pretty unstable. I'm feeling depressed again.