Terrible self confidence problem

[subtierjester]

I have a huge problem with my self confidence and idk what to do. Im “scared” to even put a pfp with me in it on social media bcz i think others will judge me negatively. I dont post any pictures of myself. I cant talk to women when im out if im completely sober. I can never make the “first move” when it comes to meeting anyone. I cant even message the girls that i know they like me. But irl around my friends i wouldnt say im shy, probably the complete opposite. Alc and drugs help sometimes but i cant always rely on being drunk. Idk what i should do. My friends and some of them are uglier dont have these problems. Do i just need to grow some balls and thats it?

 

[subtierjester]

B

 

[Lauren de Graaf]

Boy do I have a solution for you

Let me introduce you to this creation

 

[subtierjester]

Boy do I have a solution for you

View attachment 5077352

Let me introduce you to this creation

I love beer but i cant really get drunk everyday

 

[Lauren de Graaf]

I love beer but i cant really get drunk everyday

pregabulin, id look into low doses daily

 

[lmnopq]

I have a huge problem with my self confidence and idk what to do. Im “scared” to even put a pfp with me in it on social media bcz i think others will judge me negatively. I dont post any pictures of myself. I cant talk to women when im out if im completely sober. I can never make the “first move” when it comes to meeting anyone. I cant even message the girls that i know they like me. But irl around my friends i wouldnt say im shy, probably the complete opposite. Alc and drugs help sometimes but i cant always rely on being drunk. Idk what i should do. My friends and some of them are uglier dont have these problems. Do i just need to grow some balls and thats it?

I’m very similar

 

[mewzilla]

I have a huge problem with my self confidence and idk what to do. Im “scared” to even put a pfp with me in it on social media bcz i think others will judge me negatively. I dont post any pictures of myself. I cant talk to women when im out if im completely sober. I can never make the “first move” when it comes to meeting anyone. I cant even message the girls that i know they like me. But irl around my friends i wouldnt say im shy, probably the complete opposite. Alc and drugs help sometimes but i cant always rely on being drunk. Idk what i should do. My friends and some of them are uglier dont have these problems. Do i just need to grow some balls and thats it?

just create an alternate personality and over time it'll become who you are at your core

i was ridiculously socially anxious, now i jester around literally anybody and everybody.

it started out as being anxious, then telling myself i didnt care while still being anxious, then actually not caring (still "anxious" about some things but its primarily disgust in myself, not anxiety. i couldnt give two shits what anybody thought of my skin or fashion or whatever, but looking at myself in the mirror simply makes me feel empty.)

tl;dr just fake it till you make it, do everything for yourself.

 

[subtierjester]

pregabulin, id look into low doses daily

Tried it and it does work but idk i dont want to rely on anything if you understand me

 

[Peco]

Would you say you compare yourself a lot with others ? Do you check yourself out everytime you pass by a reflective surface ? Do you spend a lot of time analyzing your face in pictures or the mirror ?

 

[peterk1287]

Your just not good looking enough to have confidence, same thing happened to me

 

[Peco]

Your just not good looking enough to have confidence, same thing happened to me

Not how it works I promise you

 

[Lauren de Graaf]

Tried it and it does work but idk i dont want to rely on anything if you understand me

Well, if you aren’t going to rely on anything. This anxiety won’t fix itself on its own

 

[subtierjester]

just create an alternate personality and over time it'll become who you are at your core

i was ridiculously socially anxious, now i jester around literally anybody and everybody.

it started out as being anxious, then telling myself i didnt care while still being anxious, then actually not caring (still "anxious" about some things but its primarily disgust in myself, not anxiety. i couldnt give two shits what anybody thought of my skin or fashion or whatever, but looking at myself in the mirror simply makes me feel empty.)

tl;dr just fake it till you make it, do everything for yourself.

Alr thanks

 

[Lauren de Graaf]

Your just not good looking enough to have confidence, same thing happened to me

That’s a good point, lowkey happened go me to

 

[mewzilla]

Your just not good looking enough to have confidence, same thing happened to me

if you tie your confidence solely to how you look then you'll never truly be confident in yourself
only analogy i could think of that fits basically the same description and a similar category is steroid addicts. "one cycle" turns into lifelong ped abuse bcus they cant stand how they look when they arent juiced. even tho initially they were 20% bodyfat and now theyre 7% and built like a contender for mr olympia, they still arent satisfied

Not how it works I promise you

^^^^^

 

[subtierjester]

Your just not good looking enough to have confidence, same thing happened to me

No its not about looks really i just cant even talk to someone my age as in guys i havent met before if we dont have an ongoing topic

 

[subtierjester]

Well, if you aren’t going to rely on anything. This anxiety won’t fix itself on its own

Will some kind of therapy work?

 

[Peco]

Would you say you compare yourself a lot with others ? Do you check yourself out everytime you pass by a reflective surface ? Do you spend a lot of time analyzing your face in pictures or the mirror ?

??

 

[peterk1287]

if you tie your confidence solely to how you look then you'll never truly be confident in yourself
only analogy i could think of that fits basically the same description and a similar category is steroid addicts. "one cycle" turns into lifelong ped abuse bcus they cant stand how they look when they arent juiced. even tho initially they were 20% bodyfat and now theyre 7% and built like a contender for mr olympia, they still arent satisfied

^^^^^

Looks is the base to confidence unfortunately

 

[Peco]

if you tie your confidence solely to how you look then you'll never truly be confident in yourself
only analogy i could think of that fits basically the same description and a similar category is steroid addicts. "one cycle" turns into lifelong ped abuse bcus they cant stand how they look when they arent juiced. even tho initially they were 20% bodyfat and now theyre 7% and built like a contender for mr olympia, they still arent satisfied

^^^^^

Exactly right, the last post I made is about this idea.

 

[mewzilla]

Will some kind of therapy work?

therapy and self improvement only work when you believe in them and in yourself. most important step is the first one.

though i havent been to a therapist since im barely 15, this information is purely off of what i've read and other peoples experience. i cant give a personal anecdote.

Looks is the base to confidence unfortunately

tyler catastrophe, look that name up on tiktok (there r many many MANY like him)


confidence is tied to how you think of yourself and what you think of others. also there's a difference between being confident and having a superiority complex.

 

[subtierjester]

Would you say you compare yourself a lot with others ? Do you check yourself out everytime you pass by a reflective surface ? Do you spend a lot of time analyzing your face in pictures or the mirror ?

I cant say i compare myself that much, but ofc is someone who is 10cm taller walks by i do get a bit jealous, i dont spend time analyzing myself

 

[Lauren de Graaf]

Will some kind of therapy work?

It depends if you want it to work and your willing to actually listen

 

[subtierjester]

It depends if you want it to work and your willing to actually listen

Im definetly willing to listen, ill look into it

 

[peterk1287]

therapy and self improvement only work when you believe in them and in yourself. most important step is the first one.

though i havent been to a therapist since im barely 15, this information is purely off of what i've read and other peoples experience. i cant give a personal anecdote.

tyler catastrophe, look that name up on tiktok (there r many many MANY like him)


confidence is tied to how you think of yourself and what you think of others. also there's a difference between being confident and having a superiority complex.

I some what agree, you also kinda proved my point of how you think of yourself, why would you lie to your self that you look good when you don’t.

 

[bttb]

It doesn’t get better

 

[Lauren de Graaf]

Im definetly willing to listen, ill look into it

Id just suggest any therapist in that case, preferably the cheapest if you want to save money, they will all just say the same thing

 

[subtierjester]

I some what agree, you also kinda proved my point of how you think of yourself, why would you lie to your self that you look good when you don’t.

Id just suggest any therapist in that case, preferably the cheapest if you want to save money, they will all just say the same thing

I also just want to add that it isnt like only when meeting new people. I also have troubles expressing my opinions around friends, holding presentations in school, telling somebody what i really think of them and stuff like that

 

[mewzilla]

I some what agree, you also kinda proved my point of how you think of yourself, why would you lie to your self that you look good when you don’t.

from our eyes tyler's lying, since we "know" that he's fat, recessed and ugly.
from his perspective he's beautiful. he isn't coping. he "knows" he's beautiful, which is the scary part.
i call it "scary" because to us genuinely accepting yourself for who you are fundamentally goes against blackpill ideology and looksmaxxing as a whole.


looks are the base to confidence if you give a shit about them. as i said earlier, all of us are here because we give a shit about them, so your statement is true in that sense. but if other people dont care at all, what's stopping us from caring a little less?
its not like OP doesnt have legs, or a major skull deformation. nothing that genuinely inhibits him from living his life normally. people dont point and laugh at him or run away when they see him. its all just how he perceives himself and the ones around him.


this isnt to say lookism is false. biase based on appearance is very much real. that means you should obsess over improving yourself, not over your own shortcomings.
obviously changing self perception takes time,therapy and self reflection, but i believe its never truly over.

hell, remember when i said the thing about not having legs? some people literally dont have limbs and still play sports, write music, teach, cook etc.
they dont obsess over what they dont have they obsess over being better.


again this isnt professional advice im a wee little boy
also this could be a mental/medical disorder like autism or anxiety do a hormone imbalance, in which case you just pop some meds and youre normal

 

[peterk1287]

from our eyes tyler's lying, since we "know" that he's fat, recessed and ugly.
from his perspective he's beautiful. he isn't coping. he "knows" he's beautiful, which is the scary part.
i call it "scary" because to us genuinely accepting yourself for who you are fundamentally goes against blackpill ideology and looksmaxxing as a whole.


looks are the base to confidence if you give a shit about them. as i said earlier, all of us are here because we give a shit about them, so your statement is true in that sense. but if other people dont care at all, what's stopping us from caring a little less?
its not like OP doesnt have legs, or a major skull deformation. nothing that genuinely inhibits him from living his life normally. people dont point and laugh at him or run away when they see him. its all just how he perceives himself and the ones around him.


this isnt to say lookism is false. biase based on appearance is very much real. that means you should obsess over improving yourself, not over your own shortcomings.
obviously changing self perception takes time,therapy and self reflection, but i believe its never truly over.

hell, remember when i said the thing about not having legs? some people literally dont have limbs and still play sports, write music, teach, cook etc.
they dont obsess over what they dont have they obsess over being better.


again this isnt professional advice im a wee little boy
also this could be a mental disorder, in which case you just pop some meds and youre normal

Mirin glad we came to a agreement

 

[subtierjester]

from our eyes tyler's lying, since we "know" that he's fat, recessed and ugly.
from his perspective he's beautiful. he isn't coping. he "knows" he's beautiful, which is the scary part.
i call it "scary" because to us genuinely accepting yourself for who you are fundamentally goes against blackpill ideology and looksmaxxing as a whole.


looks are the base to confidence if you give a shit about them. as i said earlier, all of us are here because we give a shit about them, so your statement is true in that sense. but if other people dont care at all, what's stopping us from caring a little less?
its not like OP doesnt have legs, or a major skull deformation. nothing that genuinely inhibits him from living his life normally. people dont point and laugh at him or run away when they see him. its all just how he perceives himself and the ones around him.


this isnt to say lookism is false. biase based on appearance is very much real. that means you should obsess over improving yourself, not over your own shortcomings.
obviously changing self perception takes time,therapy and self reflection, but i believe its never truly over.

hell, remember when i said the thing about not having legs? some people literally dont have limbs and still play sports, write music, teach, cook etc.
they dont obsess over what they dont have they obsess over being better.


again this isnt professional advice im a wee little boy
also this could be a mental disorder, in which case you just pop some meds and youre normal

I mean i hope that its a condition and that my doctor just prescribes me pills

 

[Peco]

I cant say i compare myself that much, but ofc is someone who is 10cm taller walks by i do get a bit jealous, i dont spend time analyzing myself

Hmm alright. What I found is that the issue you describe is tied to self consciousness. A lot of people that get into this space become so self conscious of their looks because of how much the community pushes the idea that they are everything. While it's true that they are definitely important and not something you should neglect this idea is very 1 dimensional and frankly pretty dumb.

Personally I think I understand you. 2 years ago I ghosted my crush after she had me the first move on me because I wasn't physically able to talk to her lol. Don't trust mf that tell you that if you become more attractive that insecurity will go away. Because I guarantee you it won't.

I think self awareness is the biggest sign of intelligence. You probably are very self aware but that usually leads to self consciousness especially if you are a frequent visitors of communities like this one.

I made a thread about this, it's a bit long but read it when you have some time.

https://looksmax.org/threads/the-looksmaxxing-paradox-and-how-to-get-around-it.2087735/

 

[Peco]

from our eyes tyler's lying, since we "know" that he's fat, recessed and ugly.
from his perspective he's beautiful. he isn't coping. he "knows" he's beautiful, which is the scary part.
i call it "scary" because to us genuinely accepting yourself for who you are fundamentally goes against blackpill ideology and looksmaxxing as a whole.


looks are the base to confidence if you give a shit about them. as i said earlier, all of us are here because we give a shit about them, so your statement is true in that sense. but if other people dont care at all, what's stopping us from caring a little less?
its not like OP doesnt have legs, or a major skull deformation. nothing that genuinely inhibits him from living his life normally. people dont point and laugh at him or run away when they see him. its all just how he perceives himself and the ones around him.


this isnt to say lookism is false. biase based on appearance is very much real. that means you should obsess over improving yourself, not over your own shortcomings.
obviously changing self perception takes time,therapy and self reflection, but i believe its never truly over.

hell, remember when i said the thing about not having legs? some people literally dont have limbs and still play sports, write music, teach, cook etc.
they dont obsess over what they dont have they obsess over being better.


again this isnt professional advice im a wee little boy
also this could be a mental/medical disorder like autism or anxiety do a hormone imbalance, in which case you just pop some meds and youre normal

Yes this is how you should approach looksmaxxing. Very mature and more rational than most people here

 

[subtierjester]

Hmm alright. What I found is that the issue you describe is tied to self consciousness. A lot of people that get into this space become so self conscious of their looks because of how much the community pushes the idea that they are everything. While it's true that they are definitely important and not something you should neglect this idea is very 1 dimensional and frankly pretty dumb.

Personally I think I understand you. 2 years ago I ghosted my crush after she had me the first move on me because I wasn't physically able to talk to her lol. Don't trust mf that tell you that if you become more attractive that insecurity will go away. Because I guarantee you it won't.

I think self awareness is the biggest sign of intelligence. You probably are very self aware but that usually leads to self consciousness especially if you are a frequent visitors of communities like this one.

I made a thread about this, it's a bit long but read it when you have some time.

https://looksmax.org/threads/the-looksmaxxing-paradox-and-how-to-get-around-it.2087735/

I had the same situation as you had with your crush. Thanks, i will read the thread

 

[mewzilla]

I mean i hope that its a condition and that my doctor just prescribes me pills

best of luck to you dude
but you shouldnt go into therapy or a doctors office expecting it to be as easy as an instant cure, because even if it is a condition you still need to overcome your insecurity and self perception.
if you have anxiety due to a hormone imbalance for example, fixing it will make you feel less anxious, but it wont change who you are fundamentally. you'll still struggle to talk to people and fiddle with your thumbs or pick at your skin when you're engaging in a social activity.
and chances are that if you're in this forum and struggling with insecurity and anxiety, its because of the ideology you've adopted, not a condition

 

[subtierjester]

best of luck to you dude
but you shouldnt go into therapy or a doctors office expecting it to be as easy as an instant cure, because even if it is a condition you still need to overcome your insecurity and self perception.
if you have anxiety due to a hormone imbalance for example, fixing it will make you feel less anxious, but it wont change who you are fundamentally. you'll still struggle to talk to people and fiddle with your thumbs or pick at your skin when you're engaging in a social activity.
and chances are that if you're in this forum and struggling with insecurity and anxiety, its because of the ideology you've adopted, not a condition

No, i have been like this long before i found out what lm is. I always fidgeted around and was shy infront of unknown people and everything i mentioned before.

 

[Peco]

I had the same situation as you had with your crush.

Yeah it sucks I know. Ultimately what helped me the most was detaching myself from things that were external to me (my appearance was the biggest thing for me but it could be something else for you). That doesn't mean I stopped working on improving my looks. But attaching your moral value to something is never good.

 

[mewzilla]

No, i have been like this long before i found out what lm is. I always fidgeted around and was shy infront of unknown people and everything i mentioned before.

in that case lm probably just made it worse.
i really advise you to go to a therapist or psychologist (not sure what the doctors you need to go to are called exactly but that info is online)
i was like you too, around two years or so ago
was still shy last year, but this year some sort of switch flipped i adopted the alternate personality entirely. still, i doubt i have or have ever had anxiety to the point that it could be classified as a mental condition, so you should go to a doctor asap.

my case was simple teen anxiety i'd say. bullying+being fat+ being ugly does that to you lol. your case isnt that.
go to a therapist bhai love you <3

 

[subtierjester]

Yeah it sucks I know. Ultimately what helped me the most was detaching myself from things that were external to me (my appearance was the biggest thing for me but it could be something else for you). That doesn't mean I stopped working on improving my looks. But attaching your moral value to something is never good.

I like remember she giving me the most obvious hints and i understood what she wanted but i couldnt even invite her to go out because i like didnt know how to act so she wouldnt see me as someone unsocial and shy

 

[subtierjester]

in that case lm probably just made it worse.
i really advise you to go to a therapist or psychologist (not sure what the doctors you need to go to are called exactly but that info is online)
i was like you too, around two years or so ago
was still shy last year, but this year some sort of switch flipped i adopted the alternate personality entirely. still, i doubt i have or have ever had anxiety to the point that it could be classified as a mental condition, so you should go to a doctor asap.

my case was simple teen anxiety i'd say. bullying+being fat+ being ugly does that to you lol. your case isnt that.
go to a therapist bhai love you <3

Alr thank you really

 

[ascendandforget]

get a job where you have to interact with people. at first its awkard but then it becomes easy. my confidence got alot better in the last 10 months from getting a part time job

 

[yamizks]

Had the same problems, went to the therapist, he gave me prozac and I used it for a few months and my confidence got much better

 

[mewzilla]

Alr thank you really

no worries bhai
also remember to speak to a close one about this if you're uncertain.
mother/father will absolutely positively give you sympathy, love and support no matter what age you are. you'll always be their little boy so they will never judge you for asking for help.

unless they're abusive or something

 

[subtierjester]

get a job where you have to interact with people. at first its awkard but then it becomes easy. my confidence got alot better in the last 10 months from getting a part time job

I have tried that, im underage so i cant work full time but in summer i have a job which requires me to talk to numerous people like tourists

 

[subtierjester]

no worries bhai
also remember to speak to a close one about this if you're uncertain.
mother/father will absolutely positively give you sympathy, love and support no matter what age you are. you'll always be their little boy so they will never judge you for asking for help.

unless they're abusive or something

I talked to my father and he had similiar problems but he told me they went away as he got older

 

[Inedmonz]

in that case lm probably just made it worse.
i really advise you to go to a therapist or psychologist (not sure what the doctors you need to go to are called exactly but that info is online)
i was like you too, around two years or so ago
was still shy last year, but this year some sort of switch flipped i adopted the alternate personality entirely. still, i doubt i have or have ever had anxiety to the point that it could be classified as a mental condition, so you should go to a doctor asap.

my case was simple teen anxiety i'd say. bullying+being fat+ being ugly does that to you lol. your case isnt that.
go to a therapist bhai love you <3

therapists are all fake screw them

 

[subtierjester]

therapists are all fake screw them

Horrible post to rep btw

 

[Peco]

I like remember she giving me the most obvious hints and i understood what she wanted but i couldnt even invite her to go out because i like didnt know how to act so she wouldnt see me as someone unsocial and shy

Yeah I definitely get that lol. I literally deleted my instagram account cause at the time I had like 80 followers and I didn't want her to think I was a anti social mf . Only time I was really able to talk to her was at a party when I was drunk af. She kept trying to talk to me after that and I just ghosted her like a dumbass

No but really I think the problem is that people try to find things to attach their moral value to. Whether that's your looks, physique, grades in school, most people try to use these things to prove their value to others. The sooner you understand that makes no sense the better. You should work on improving yourself as a whole obviously there is no denying that's gonna help. I second the advice of the other dude of going to a therapist. I think even just talking with someone like your parents can help but I understand that you might not want to do that.

Also don't try to impress other people when talking with them. Just be genuine and playful. Trying to make others perceive you in a certain way will make conversations more artificial. The reason you don't have that much problems with talking to your friends is that they are already your friends, so you don't need to try and give a good first impression.

 

[subtierjester]

Yeah I definitely get that lol. I literally deleted my instagram account cause at the time I had like 80 followers and I didn't want her to think I was a anti social mf . Only time I was really able to talk to her was at a party when I was drunk af. She kept trying to talk to me after that and I just ghosted her like a dumbass

No but really I think the problem is that people try to find things to attach their moral value to. Whether that's your looks, physique, grades in school, most people try to use these things to prove their value to others. The sooner you understand that makes no sense the better. You should work on improving yourself as a whole obviously there is no denying that's gonna help. I second the advice of the other dude of going to a therapist. I think even just talking with someone like your parents can help but I understand that you might not want to do that.

Also don't try to impress other people when talking with them. Just be genuine and playful. Trying to make others perceive you in a certain way will make conversations more artificial. The reason you don't have that much problems with talking to your friends is that they are already your friends, so you don't need to try and give a good first impression.

I definetly agree on you about attaching moral value, thanks for all the advice

 

[Peco]

I definetly agree on you about attaching moral value, thanks for all the advice

Yeah it definitely helps. Once I realized that and stopped trying to impress others when talking to them for the first time things got a lot better. It's like when you are drunk, doesn't matter if you are ugly,dumb,smart, broke, rich or attractive you just talk with the other person. It really makes you feel a lot lighter.
Like I said keep working on yourself but when you interact with others leave everything at the door.