the "blackpill" almost killed me. Why couldn't it work, why am I the anomaly.

[jjitkilledme]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

 

[Blue Steel]

Welcome to looksmaxxing friend

 

[.Cx]

Dnr

 

[jjitkilledme]

Dnr

Ur useless

 

[kiing_ronk]

Blah blah blah nigga rep me

 

[mogging2eternity]

so basically you want to tell us you nearly died from 40mcg cjc no dac+ ipa

 

[jjitkilledme]

so basically you want to tell us you nearly died from 40mcg cjc no dac+ ipa

the fuck do you want from me, I almost did, THATS WHY IT'S WEIRD, NOBODY HAS EVER FELT ANYTHING FROM 40 FUCKING MCG

 

[RottingButIn6.4]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

U messed up the injection point thats the problem

 

[jjitkilledme]

Thanks for the insight, I assumed it was something with the needle, could you elaborate more? I injected at a 45 degree angle into my right lower abdomen

 

[RottingButIn6.4]

Thanks for the insight, I assumed it was something with the needle, could you elaborate more? I injected at a 45 degree angle into my right lower abdomen

Try injecting in the upper side of the glute or the latissimus dorsi, u injected it into your circulatory system which u shouldnt have done, I would assume even if its not classical anabolics that it should be injected in the same way. I also assume that since its fairly common for unexperienced ppl to do the same and feint, its full of testimonies if u search up ppl tryna inject test or similar for the first time.

 

[jjitkilledme]

Try injecting in the upper side of the glute or the latissimus dorsi, u injected it into your circulatory system which u shouldnt have done, I would assume even if its not classical anabolics that it should be injected in the same way. I also assume that since its fairly common for unexperienced ppl to do the same and feint, its full of testimonies if u search up ppl tryna inject test or similar for the first time.

Thanks, gonna try again in a couple weeks, came to a conclusion that I went through a convulsive syncope.

 

[valkcy]

the fuck do you want from me, I almost did, THATS WHY IT'S WEIRD, NOBODY HAS EVER FELT ANYTHING FROM 40 FUCKING MCG

its a histamine reaction are u retarded just take antihistamines and it stops
most peoples first pin is like that

 

[AlphaLooksmaxxer666]

normal shit ngl

 

[Outlander]

Ain't reading all that. But the blackpill didn't almost kill you, negative life experiences did

 

[chromednash]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

On god i wish in my heart that you would have died, stop being a bitch



Fuck that nigga you dont deserve to die young

 

[jjitkilledme]

Tf is ur problem

On god i wish in my heart that you would have died, stop being a bitch



Fuck that nigga you dont deserve to die young

 

[unon]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

Using Cjc no shit why this happened

Injecting you self with no research

 

[jjitkilledme]

Using Cjc no shit why this happened

Injecting you self with no research

U seriously think I did no research

 

[unon]

U seriously think I did no research

Yes

 

[RottingButIn6.4]

Thanks, gonna try again in a couple weeks, came to a conclusion that I went through a convulsive syncope.

Update me of what u do im curious of the effects

 

[jjitkilledme]

Update me of what u do im curious of the effects

Tried with just a needle yesterday, no problems! Gonna try with 40mcg in a couple hours now.

 

[jjitkilledme]

Update me of what u do im curious of the effects

Took about 50mcg and had 0 problems, the intial "seizure" was more of a shock reaction.

 

[RottingButIn6.4]

Took about 50mcg and had 0 problems, the intial "seizure" was more of a shock reaction.

Hell yeah

 

[clashroyaleking]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

Dnr PHAHAHAHAA

 

[KKamikaze]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

 

[Plushie]

Tried with just a needle yesterday, no problems! Gonna try with 40mcg in a couple hours now.

wait did you inject into your upper glute? I am planning to buy melanotan 2 and thought about injecting into my lower abdomen. You got a seizure from that?

 

[jjitkilledme]

wait did you inject into your upper glute? I am planning to buy melanotan 2 and thought about injecting into my lower abdomen. You got a seizure from that?

Went through a sort of “fainting seizure” kinda just a shock reaction from the needle, I inject in my upper abdomen three fingers up from my navel and have no problems now.

 

[Plushie]

Went through a sort of “fainting seizure” kinda just a shock reaction from the needle, I inject in my upper abdomen three fingers up from my navel and have no problems now.

Okay so you grab your stomach fat and put the needle in at a 45 degree angle, but how do you make sure you don't hit any muscle? Would love to find a video demonstration on how to inject tbh

 

[jjitkilledme]

Okay so you grab your stomach fat and put the needle in at a 45 degree angle, but how do you make sure you don't hit any muscle? Would love to find a video demonstration on how to inject tbh

There’s loads on YouTube, but yeah just get as much fat as possible u won’t feel a thing from an 8mm needle and make sure to wipe it with alcohol pads before and after

 

[Plushie]

There’s loads on YouTube, but yeah just get as much fat as possible u won’t feel a thing from an 8mm needle and make sure to wipe it with alcohol pads before and after

So the needle is only supposed to go into the fat you are gripping? It's not supposed to go past that? I don't wanna hit my ribcage or something

 

[jjitkilledme]

So the needle is only supposed to go into the fat you are gripping? It's not supposed to go past that? I don't wanna hit my ribcage or something

It’s an 8mm needle lol won’t be able to go into anything further

 

[Plushie]

It’s an 8mm needle lol won’t be able to go into anything further

oh what I though you were supposed to use those long ass needles you get when taking a shot or something, thank god
where did u get your peptides btw? i am trying to find a good source in my country so i don't have to deal with customs taking my shit

 

[jjitkilledme]

oh what I though you were supposed to use those long ass needles you get when taking a shot or something, thank god
where did u get your peptides btw? i am trying to find a good source in my country so i don't have to deal with customs taking my shit

No man ideally you use 29-31 gauge 8mm insulin needles, and what country r u in?

 

[Plushie]

No man ideally you use 29-31 gauge 8mm insulin needles, and what country r u in?

I live in sweden, the source i am planning to buy from apparently gives you some needles but only like 5, so i will need to buy some myself

 

[jjitkilledme]

I live in sweden, the source i am planning to buy from apparently gives you some needles but only like 5, so i will need to buy some myself

I also live in Sweden! I ordered from Kensington labs and got my needles from medvet.se

 

[jjitkilledme]

I live in sweden, the source i am planning to buy from apparently gives you some needles but only like 5, so i will need to buy some myself

I forgot Kensington doesn’t ship to Sweden I had someone bring it from the uk, but just find a site with trustworthy lab tests from Janoshik and you’ll be good

 

[Plushie]

I also live in Sweden! I ordered from Kensington labs and got my needles from medvet.se

Ah no way, what are the chances! Would you mind telling me your order from medvet.se? I can't find any 8mm syringes just 12mm insulin syringes.

I forgot Kensington doesn’t ship to Sweden I had someone bring it from the uk, but just find a site with trustworthy lab tests from Janoshik and you’ll be good

So you got someone to bring peptides from the uk? Did someone just fly to sweden to deliver them?

 

[jjitkilledme]

Ah no way, what are the chances! Would you mind telling me your order from medvet.se? I can't find any 8mm syringes just 12mm insulin syringes.

So you got someone to bring peptides from the uk? Did someone just fly to sweden to deliver them?

Nah I have family in the uk who happened to be coming over, they got it for me in the uk. And yes medvet only sells 12mm but it’s still small and doesn’t need to go in all the way either, I ordered 100 of those + 10 of the 40mm ones just for reconstituting the peptide (not going in to you) and 2x of the alcohol pads. Make sure you buy the insulin syringes 12mm

 

[Plushie]

Nah I have family in the uk who happened to be coming over, they got it for me in the uk. And yes medvet only sells 12mm but it’s still small and doesn’t need to go in all the way either, I ordered 100 of those + 10 of the 40mm ones just for reconstituting the peptide (not going in to you) and 2x of the alcohol pads. Make sure you buy the insulin syringes 12mm

dis the order? didn't know you could just buy syringes for private use without a prescription in sweden lol

btw how tf did your parent allow you to get peptides you inject into yourself from your relatives

 

[jjitkilledme]

dis the order? didn't know you could just buy syringes for private use without a prescription in sweden lol

View attachment 4221898
btw how tf did your parent allow you to get peptides you inject into yourself from your relatives

Yep that was my exact order, also don’t be worried if they seem sus didn’t get my tracking number for a couple days. And yeah my mom doesn’t care lol she knows the stuff I take is safe and did a lot of the research with me. Also make sure to do a lot of research about what exactly you plan to take and what it does before starting, peplike.com has some basic information on there.

 

[jjitkilledme]

dis the order? didn't know you could just buy syringes for private use without a prescription in sweden lol

View attachment 4221898
btw how tf did your parent allow you to get peptides you inject into yourself from your relatives

Go on the fundamentals page on peplike.com

 

[Plushie]

Yep that was my exact order, also don’t be worried if they seem sus didn’t get my tracking number for a couple days. And yeah my mom doesn’t care lol she knows the stuff I take is safe and did a lot of the research with me. Also make sure to do a lot of research about what exactly you plan to take and what it does before starting, peplike.com has some basic information on there.

Based mom

Yeah I am only interested in taking melanotan 2 (for now) and I have done some research and will continue a while. I don't even have a mini fridge to hide my peptides in currently so it's a while away. Will buy the syringes and stuff as soon as I find a peptide plug from sweden

Holy peplike is pretty cool thanks for the link

Do you alternate the side you inject in btw, so one day you do left other day you do right? Or the same spot the entire time

 

[jjitkilledme]

Based mom

Yeah I am only interested in taking melanotan 2 (for now) and I have done some research and will continue a while. I don't even have a mini fridge to hide my peptides in currently so it's a while away. Will buy the syringes and stuff as soon as I find a peptide plug from sweden

Holy peplike is pretty cool thanks for the link

Do you alternate the side you inject in btw, so one day you do left other day you do right? Or the same spot the entire time

alternate when one spot feels a bit more irritated every few injections kinda

 

[Plushie]

alternate when one spot feels a bit more irritated every few injections kinda

alrighty

btw sorry if this is a stupid question but can you reconstitute like half a vial and maybe store the other half somewhere else? Or can you buy vials smaller than 10mg. Cuz according to peplike you need to use a vial within 30 days of it being reconstituted, but according to my math a 10mg vial will last me almost 3 months after the buildup phase, so do I have to recostitute all 10mg at once? I don't want to use expired peptides lol

 

[jjitkilledme]

alrighty

btw sorry if this is a stupid question but can you reconstitute like half a vial and maybe store the other half somewhere else? Or can you buy vials smaller than 10mg. Cuz according to peplike you need to use a vial within 30 days of it being reconstituted, but according to my math a 10mg vial will last me almost 3 months after the buildup phase, so do I have to recostitute all 10mg at once? I don't want to use expired peptides lol

U can buy smaller than 10mg and mt2 tends to last longer so ur good

 

[miloeatscookies]

dnr wall of text

 

[nikitasnewaccount]

First post on here wanted to share my story how I got to this point and how the "blackpill" almost killed me. It started about two years ago, this whole looksmaxxing thing, I started having really bad breakouts at the time and was growing more insecure by the months. I had alot of friends in school, but was still the butt of the joke in every scenario. My appearance made me less appealing to be around, hoodie up, messy hair, terrible acne, strange smile, crooked eyes. I started learning more about what I could do to change, to come off as more "normal" and appealing. It wasn't until around beginning of this year when I started really changing things, the regular stuff diet, sleep, lifestyle, "personality". And by late summer I was seeing huge life improvements, I was seriously happy. But it was shortlived, I knew it wasn't enough and while yes on the inside alot had changed and people definitely noticed it, but on the outside I still saw the same face which gave me great displeasure. A mix of radicalization and simply being surrounded by the looks/bp space led me even deeper and I began researching peptides around the same time summer ended. Everyday, in school, at home, at night, it was starting to consume me, the more I researched about peptides the more I fell into the bp hole. I had now ordered two 10mg vials of cjc + ipa. I knew that if I wasn't doing everything I possibly could to "ascend" there was no point. The fateful night of October 6th, the day that was 100mcg from killing me. That night was supposed to be the start of a new life, one where I was taller, more confident and no longer that same acne ridden insecure pleb. I decided on a 40mcg microdose to start with, as I'd eventually work my way up to 125mcg. Weeks of research, years of pain, this was it, initially I felt dizzy as many said I'd feel but it wasn't long before it all went black, I can't remember anything after the initial dizziness, and sooner than later I was abruptly woken from what felt like an extremly lucid dream by my mothers screams. Fully pale in the face my mom tells me I had a seizure. I simply couldn't fathom it, everyone I spoke to, everyone who gave me hope, all the research NOBODY mentioned seizures ever. it was all in vain. If I had taken more than 40mcg there was a large possibility it could have been much worse. This leads me to now, WHY COULDN'T IT WORK, WHY WAS I THE ONE THAT HAD TO SUFFER THE MOST SEVERE OF SIDE EFFECTS WHY IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I wish I was pinning in my room right now. Why did it have to be me, the only person that this has ever happened to, I just don't fucking get it.

Maybe this is a bit sloppily written but for anyone who cared to read, I'd really like to understand how I was the only one this happened to. My life is a living example of falling to deep into the hole. FUCK.

One more story to tell people when I say everything is about genes