
subltn
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This was about 3 years ago, when I was 14 or 15.
It was a Christmas gathering. Around 15 people. We were playing party games. The kind that only work if you're truly NT.
They were keeping score.
The house was an Airbnb. Huge. 8 rooms. 4 bathrooms, if I remember right.
We started with charades.
I was the only one who couldn’t show my word.
I also didn’t guess a single one.
Everyone else got around 4 words. I got 0. The next lowest was 2.
I didn't really care.
It was just a dumb game.
After that, we took a break.
I went to the bathroom inside one of the rooms because I needed to take a shit.
While I was in there, some girls walked into the room. Around my age. Maybe a year younger.
I panicked and turned off the light. No idea why. I didn’t say “occupied.” I just froze.
They were right outside the door.
I stayed quiet.
They started talking.
At some point one of them mentioned the game, and that's when it started.
These words pretty much got engraved into my brain.
They left eventually. I sat there in silence.
I waited five more minutes before walking out.
After the break, we played another game.
You had to blow up a balloon. Use the air to push the balloon into a plastic cup. Stack the cups as high as possible. Fastest stack wins.
When it was my turn, I picked up the balloon.
I blew into it. Nothing.
I tried again. Still nothing.
My chest hurt. My face felt hot. The balloon didn’t budge.
I kept trying. Hands shaking.
Eventually, I got a little air in. The cup tipped over. Everything fell.
I stopped trying.
Just sat there.
Nobody said anything for a solid minute.
I stayed quiet the rest of the night.
After that night, I stopped going to gatherings.
I avoided birthdays. Skipped hangouts.
Even if it was mandatory, I didn’t go.
At school, I noticed things I didn't see before.
People giving me weird looks.
Jokes at my expense that were always about looks.
I stopped talking to people.
No small talk. No group work unless forced.
I kept to myself. Ate lunch alone.
I didn’t even try to fit in anymore.
I started staying home.
Most weekends, I didn’t leave my room.
No parties. No social life.
Skipped prom and graduation (happed later).
At some point, I found this forum.
I started reading.
I learned about facial structure. Ratios. Harmony. Proportions.
Remembered hearing my doctor talk about how I had an early puberty.
Realized that by this point my growth plates were fused.
I looked in the mirror and saw it clearly.
Recessed jaw. Big nose.
No forward growth. No definition. No angularity.
I realized this wasn’t something I could fix.
No skincare. No haircut. No gym would change my bone structure.
I wasn’t just awkward.
I was flawed in ways that couldn’t be hidden.
And now I understood why they looked at me like that.
Why they laughed.
Why they whispered.
I stopped wondering after that.
It was a Christmas gathering. Around 15 people. We were playing party games. The kind that only work if you're truly NT.
They were keeping score.
The house was an Airbnb. Huge. 8 rooms. 4 bathrooms, if I remember right.
We started with charades.
I was the only one who couldn’t show my word.
I also didn’t guess a single one.
Everyone else got around 4 words. I got 0. The next lowest was 2.
I didn't really care.
It was just a dumb game.
After that, we took a break.
I went to the bathroom inside one of the rooms because I needed to take a shit.
While I was in there, some girls walked into the room. Around my age. Maybe a year younger.
I panicked and turned off the light. No idea why. I didn’t say “occupied.” I just froze.
They were right outside the door.
I stayed quiet.
They started talking.
At some point one of them mentioned the game, and that's when it started.
“Did that guy actually get zero points?”
“Yes. Like, literally didn’t get a single one. I was trying so hard not to laugh.”
“He just stood there like... what even was that? It was giving awkward robot energy.”
“No, it was giving possessed mannequin. Like blink twice if you're alive.”
“And can we talk about the way he looks? Omg. Hair all greasy, those bags under his eyes? Like, ever heard of skincare?”
“Right?? His face is just... off. Like his nose? It’s huge. You could park a fucking car on that thing.”
“Stop, you’re so bad! But seriously, it’s the first thing you notice. And not in a good way.”
“I swear, from the side it looks like a bird beak. I couldn’t stop staring.”
“And he just stares at people too. Doesn’t talk, doesn’t blink. I literally thought he was gonna follow me or something.”
“Deadass looks like the type to steal your hair while you sleep. Just gives total school shooter vibes.”
“It’s actually creepy. Like I don’t even feel safe walking past him.”
“Who even invited him? Like… why is he even here?”
These words pretty much got engraved into my brain.
They left eventually. I sat there in silence.
I waited five more minutes before walking out.
After the break, we played another game.
You had to blow up a balloon. Use the air to push the balloon into a plastic cup. Stack the cups as high as possible. Fastest stack wins.
When it was my turn, I picked up the balloon.
I blew into it. Nothing.
I tried again. Still nothing.
My chest hurt. My face felt hot. The balloon didn’t budge.
I kept trying. Hands shaking.
Eventually, I got a little air in. The cup tipped over. Everything fell.
I stopped trying.
Just sat there.
Nobody said anything for a solid minute.
I stayed quiet the rest of the night.
After that night, I stopped going to gatherings.
I avoided birthdays. Skipped hangouts.
Even if it was mandatory, I didn’t go.
At school, I noticed things I didn't see before.
People giving me weird looks.
Jokes at my expense that were always about looks.
I stopped talking to people.
No small talk. No group work unless forced.
I kept to myself. Ate lunch alone.
I didn’t even try to fit in anymore.
I started staying home.
Most weekends, I didn’t leave my room.
No parties. No social life.
Skipped prom and graduation (happed later).
At some point, I found this forum.
I started reading.
I learned about facial structure. Ratios. Harmony. Proportions.
Remembered hearing my doctor talk about how I had an early puberty.
Realized that by this point my growth plates were fused.
I looked in the mirror and saw it clearly.
Recessed jaw. Big nose.
No forward growth. No definition. No angularity.
I realized this wasn’t something I could fix.
No skincare. No haircut. No gym would change my bone structure.
I wasn’t just awkward.
I was flawed in ways that couldn’t be hidden.
And now I understood why they looked at me like that.
Why they laughed.
Why they whispered.
I stopped wondering after that.