The experience that got me into bp

[subltn]

This was about 3 years ago, when I was 14 or 15.

It was a Christmas gathering. Around 15 people. We were playing party games. The kind that only work if you're truly NT.

They were keeping score.

The house was an Airbnb. Huge. 8 rooms. 4 bathrooms, if I remember right.

We started with charades.

I was the only one who couldn’t show my word.

I also didn’t guess a single one.

Everyone else got around 4 words. I got 0. The next lowest was 2.

I didn't really care.

It was just a dumb game.

After that, we took a break.

I went to the bathroom inside one of the rooms because I needed to take a shit.

While I was in there, some girls walked into the room. Around my age. Maybe a year younger.

I panicked and turned off the light. No idea why. I didn’t say “occupied.” I just froze.

They were right outside the door.

I stayed quiet.

They started talking.

At some point one of them mentioned the game, and that's when it started.

“Did that guy actually get zero points?”

“Yes. Like, literally didn’t get a single one. I was trying so hard not to laugh.”

“He just stood there like... what even was that? It was giving awkward robot energy.”

“No, it was giving possessed mannequin. Like blink twice if you're alive.”

“And can we talk about the way he looks? Omg. Hair all greasy, those bags under his eyes? Like, ever heard of skincare?”

“Right?? His face is just... off. Like his nose? It’s huge. You could park a fucking car on that thing.”

“Stop, you’re so bad! But seriously, it’s the first thing you notice. And not in a good way.”

“I swear, from the side it looks like a bird beak. I couldn’t stop staring.”

“And he just stares at people too. Doesn’t talk, doesn’t blink. I literally thought he was gonna follow me or something.”

“Deadass looks like the type to steal your hair while you sleep. Just gives total school shooter vibes.”

“It’s actually creepy. Like I don’t even feel safe walking past him.”

“Who even invited him? Like… why is he even here?”

These words pretty much got engraved into my brain.

They left eventually. I sat there in silence.

I waited five more minutes before walking out.

After the break, we played another game.

You had to blow up a balloon. Use the air to push the balloon into a plastic cup. Stack the cups as high as possible. Fastest stack wins.

When it was my turn, I picked up the balloon.

I blew into it. Nothing.

I tried again. Still nothing.

My chest hurt. My face felt hot. The balloon didn’t budge.

I kept trying. Hands shaking.

Eventually, I got a little air in. The cup tipped over. Everything fell.

I stopped trying.

Just sat there.

Nobody said anything for a solid minute.

I stayed quiet the rest of the night.

After that night, I stopped going to gatherings.

I avoided birthdays. Skipped hangouts.

Even if it was mandatory, I didn’t go.

At school, I noticed things I didn't see before.

People giving me weird looks.

Jokes at my expense that were always about looks.

I stopped talking to people.

No small talk. No group work unless forced.

I kept to myself. Ate lunch alone.

I didn’t even try to fit in anymore.

I started staying home.

Most weekends, I didn’t leave my room.

No parties. No social life.

Skipped prom and graduation (happed later).

At some point, I found this forum.

I started reading.

I learned about facial structure. Ratios. Harmony. Proportions.

Remembered hearing my doctor talk about how I had an early puberty.

Realized that by this point my growth plates were fused.

I looked in the mirror and saw it clearly.

Recessed jaw. Big nose.

No forward growth. No definition. No angularity.

I realized this wasn’t something I could fix.

No skincare. No haircut. No gym would change my bone structure.

I wasn’t just awkward.

I was flawed in ways that couldn’t be hidden.

And now I understood why they looked at me like that.

Why they laughed.

Why they whispered.

I stopped wondering after that.

 

[Justakid]

I read most of ts, but me personally I would do the same thing bro

 

[merebrzyy]

I remember my first experience that got me into bp was in 11th grade.

I was in English class, 4th period.

We had assigned seats that were in pairs of 2.

I sat down in my usual seat which was next to this one girl I knew but not that well. (only like first name basis and the casual teasing)

Some time goes by and a student comes in late.

I still remember how he opened the door. It was like he wanted to slip in and not be seen. He had a slight timid demeanor.

Now for some context that is kinda important. This kid has nothing really wrong with him. I didn't talk to him often but he was a pretty nice kid. Just the usual teenage boy.

Physically though, he was your usual sub-5. Horrible skin, short-skinny build, horrible unkept hair. Little to no bonemass in his face. The whole works...

I didn't really care about how others looked at that point though. (Obviously because I didn't care for bp)

Now from what I remember as soon as he walked in the room I heard audible "sighs" from some classmates. Most being women.

It was like when he walked in the classroom the energy got more dark. Like more depressing. The air was filled with disdain with little to no reasoning. (IK it sounds kinda stupid).

So the girl next to me said something under her breath and I asked her "What happened..?"

She then goes on to repeat "That boy annoys me."

"Oh wow.. how?"

"I don't know it's just the way he looks. It's annoying."

I asked her has she ever had a bad interaction with him and she basically said no and just started spouting bs about how boys who look a certain way give women "bad vibes."

The thing is, she gained a slight smirk and even giggled a little when he came in late despite him doing nothing conventionally funny.

My guess is that his looks made girls so uncomfortable that they laughed out of pressure (or pity / entertainment idfk)

Kinda ironic how you can be so unappealing that you're funny without trying.

So yeah when I went home I thought about that moment and wondered if I could ever end up like that. (Or worse, if I was already in that situation..)

When I thought deeper about the interactions I had with women it was similar in the laughing aspect.

Girls at my school would often just ask me stupid questions. Like questions that they could answer themselves. I don't know if they were trying to just talk to me or make fun of me but the thought of the ladder being the case scared me immensely...

They would just bother me IDK how to really explain it well but it's safe to say I definitely had interactions with girls. Pretty and unappealing. Now it was a case of whether it was good genuine interactions based out of interest or they were making fun of me..

So I did everything I could to improve my looks. Upgraded my skincare. Started doing cardio and started researching around on this site.

so yeah that's my story. Kinda stupid and way calmer than others but its the truth.