Deleted member 6403
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There the delta between what women say is attractive to women and what actually is larger than the delta between what men say attracts men and actually does.
But why? That is complicated. For one thing, women's own mate selection calculus is far more complex than men's, even for LTRs where men do get more selective than usual. Women have both Good Genes (physical appearance, intellectual and social ability) and 3P (provisioning, protection, and parental investment) considerations. The relative values of these considerations fluctuate depending on the circumstances of a woman's life.
In addition to being more selective than men and trying to optimize their choices based on the above criteria, women have a difficult-to-describe hypergamous impulse. They are not only looking for their best option, but they also want a man that is above them in some way that involves a direct comparison between the woman and her potential partner. And women are more prepared than men to walk away if their criteria cannot be met.
Given how complex and dynamic their criteria are for mate selection, it can be hard for a woman to know herself what she wants. And given individual variance between women, harder yet to know what other women would want. Thus, harder to give ideal advice to men.
All of this is further complicated by social factors. The true nature of women's sexuality, and it's often harsh and unforgiving selectivity and judgment, is very hard for men to handle knowing. Add to this that in order to square such selectivity with the idea of widespread monogamy, two things that were fairly incompatible, various myths and distortions about women's nature had to be spread to men and women alike. Women's sexuality was said to be more moral than men's. Women were said to be sexually attracted to decency and kindness in a way that was not exactly true. Women's sexual desire, especially for high value men, was understated. Etc. Etc.
So give all of the above, it is no wonder that women often have trouble knowing themselves what women want. And even when they have an idea, sometimes they can be reticent to admit it to men for fear of social judgment. Now some women today are more upfront, but the average woman still isn't going to be so, even if she knows it herself. Which she may not.
But why? That is complicated. For one thing, women's own mate selection calculus is far more complex than men's, even for LTRs where men do get more selective than usual. Women have both Good Genes (physical appearance, intellectual and social ability) and 3P (provisioning, protection, and parental investment) considerations. The relative values of these considerations fluctuate depending on the circumstances of a woman's life.
In addition to being more selective than men and trying to optimize their choices based on the above criteria, women have a difficult-to-describe hypergamous impulse. They are not only looking for their best option, but they also want a man that is above them in some way that involves a direct comparison between the woman and her potential partner. And women are more prepared than men to walk away if their criteria cannot be met.
Given how complex and dynamic their criteria are for mate selection, it can be hard for a woman to know herself what she wants. And given individual variance between women, harder yet to know what other women would want. Thus, harder to give ideal advice to men.
All of this is further complicated by social factors. The true nature of women's sexuality, and it's often harsh and unforgiving selectivity and judgment, is very hard for men to handle knowing. Add to this that in order to square such selectivity with the idea of widespread monogamy, two things that were fairly incompatible, various myths and distortions about women's nature had to be spread to men and women alike. Women's sexuality was said to be more moral than men's. Women were said to be sexually attracted to decency and kindness in a way that was not exactly true. Women's sexual desire, especially for high value men, was understated. Etc. Etc.
So give all of the above, it is no wonder that women often have trouble knowing themselves what women want. And even when they have an idea, sometimes they can be reticent to admit it to men for fear of social judgment. Now some women today are more upfront, but the average woman still isn't going to be so, even if she knows it herself. Which she may not.
