Shammed
Iron
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2026
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My name is Elijah. I'm 16, 230lbs, and 6'5-6'6 and I've been a part of the community since April 2025, but I've never posted on .org or made an account until recently. The photos I have are me currently and I have a google drive linked that shows me over the years. I need help
My journey with the obsession of my looks:
My journey with the obsession of my looks:
My face pictures will be in chronological order from past-to-present. My whole life I've struggled with my looks through multiple ways, when I was 12 I became anorexic and was so until 14, at the peak of my anorexia I was 130lbs and 6 foot and I eventually developed a BED induced by the severity of my anorexia which led me to gain 90lbs. From there on I constantly fought against my BED by not eating all day or going back to methods from my anorexic days which further exacerbated my mental health. Eventually when I was 15 I re-united with a girl who I previously dated a 2 years before that instance and I kept trying and trying to win her back--she left because I couldn't give her attention since I was anorexic and always had no energy--and I spent 6 months trying to get with her while she manipulated me, talked with other guys, always obsessed over K-pop stars, and even left me for another guy who cheated on her within a month which made her come running back for my attention and during that time period of obsession and infatuation I developed severe cystic acne which I would place blame upon her for since she caused me so much stress and plunged me into a pit of nihilism, misanthropy, and apathy. For months I couldn't feel anything, I ditched what little friends I had left and was drifting through school, not talking to anyone at all and always wearing a hoodie whilst girls laughed and shouted "NICE SKIN CARE ROUTINE!!" But eventually I found the courage to leave her and was able to completely disconnect all emotions I held for her--mostly due to my stress-induced apathy, not courage. So I left her and started to work on my looks even more, I got on accutane and worked even harder in the gym--I've been going since I was 14. Eventually my acne cleared up and school was coming back up so when I got back I had an "ascension," but I was still brutally unconfident and insecure, eventually I met another girl who I recently broke up with again due to similar issues as my previous ex: she played games w her exes and lied to me about it until I kept pressing further on, she always flipped arguments onto me where I would be begging for her attention and she would always have the last word like "k" or "thumbs up," she was in constant contact with one of her exes even though I expressed discomfort with it, and at one point I found out she didn't want kids so I broke up with her but she told me she would get back with an abusive ex if I left her which forced me to stay with her because I cared about how she was treated and her mental health and then later on she said she would be open to just one kid. And now we're broken up due to me getting mad she was ignoring me and playing with another dude. And that's the encapsulated my life, although some details are missing and other events.
Question:
What is wrong with my face? Am I really that ugly? I've put years into trying to look better but no matter what I do I still get left and manipulated, and I know that if I looked better none of these events would've happened, specifically the cheating and treatment from my past exes. How do I improve? I've gained weight and started getting more acne and got progressively uglier when I was with my 2nd ex. I don't want to fall down like I once did.
Photos Google Drive:
